Should a child sleep with his parents

In the evening you fell asleep together with your husband, and in the morning you wake up already three. A familiar situation? Probably, it no longer surprises you that in the middle of the night a child comes to his parents' bed, because he is scared, bored, lonely.

Few people are able to show fortitude and send the baby back to bed. Most of them move obediently, giving the child the opportunity to get comfortable. 

We will tell you what is the danger of sleeping together with a child and how to teach him to sleep separately.What scientists and teachers say

The method of natural parenthood is gaining popularity in the world, which destroys the ideas about parenting that have been established for decades.

For example, if adherents of classical pedagogy do not consider the child as the center of the family, where everything is subordinated to his interests, then the main idea of natural parenthood is considered to be the priority satisfaction of the emotional and physical needs of the baby. 

Also read: How to teach a child to clean up toysWilliam and Martha Sears are prominent representatives of the theory of natural parenthood.

Their positive experience of raising eight children formed the basis of a whole series of books on pediatrics. One of the fundamentally important aspects, which is mentioned in almost all the works of these authors, is a joint sleep with a child. 

According to the Sears, when a child sleeps with his parents, he literally learns to breathe: his respiratory rate decreases, his heartbeat becomes even. Sleep is shallow, and it stimulates brain development. At the same time, a separately sleeping baby plunges into an unnatural deep sleep for him at this age — this is how the protective mechanism of the psyche works, experiencing a strong emotional shock from a sense of loneliness. 

This theory was confirmed in a study by Harvard University psychiatrist Michael Commons. He found that while sleeping with their parents, babies develop better, they normalize the main indicators of the body's activity (body temperature, pressure, heart rate and breathing). 

Professor of Pediatrics Nils Bergman (University of Cape Town) conducted a number of studies of newborn sleep and found that in separately sleeping children, the heart muscle is strained 3 times more than in those who sleep with their parents. This condition threatens the development of pathologies of the cardiovascular system. 

Professor Bergman also found that if a newborn does not sleep next to his mother in the first 4 weeks, his brain develops more slowly due to stress, which provokes loneliness. 

Sleep apnea and respiratory arrest are one of the most common causes of death during the newborn period. To make a sleeping baby breathe, it is enough to touch it. The effectiveness of tactile stimulation was taken into account when creating cuvettes for premature babies. Their movable bottom mimics the movement of the human chest during breathing. So it seems to the baby that he is lying at his mother's breast. That is why the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends, in order to prevent sudden infant death syndrome, to install a baby's crib (up to 6 months old) in the parents' room. 

Advantages and disadvantages of sleeping togetherWhen deciding whether to put the baby next to you, you should focus not only on your feelings, but also on the consequences of this choice.

Figure out whether children can or cannot sleep with their parents.

Sleeping togetherLet's look at its advantages:

Being in tactile contact with parents, the baby feels protected, and therefore sleeps calmly and for a long time.

• His body is relaxed, his nervous system is in a calm state. 
• Parents also feel calm and full relaxation, because their child is here, side by side. There is no need to check the baby's breathing and see if he has opened up, if he has woken up from hunger. 
• When breastfeeding, do not get out of bed. So, baby's meal is not a reason for mom to wake up. 
• Sleeping together brings parents closer to their children. It's a way to show how expensive they are. This is especially necessary for children who have recently had a brother / sister and parental attention has become half as much.

As well as disadvantages:Sensitive people do not get enough sleep with the child.

• If the bed is not wide enough for three people, then everyone who lies on it will feel discomfort.
• The daily routine is disrupted. Children who sleep with their parents often fall asleep later than necessary, or parents are forced to go to bed earlier, adjusting to the child's schedule. 

Separate sleepAdvantages:

The child becomes more independent, learns to occupy himself.

• American pediatrician Jay Gordon has been researching this issue for several years. And as a result, I found that babies sleeping separately are more independent, they need a pacifier, a pacifier or a finger less than others to calm down. They are able to control their emotions and therefore, in the future, they learn better and demonstrate good behavior.
• Parents get enough sleep, so they are cheerful all day, ready to work fully and spend time with the baby, and not yawn after lunch. 
• The duration of sleep in children is longer than in adults, which means that they need to be laid earlier. Thus, mom and dad have a couple of hours of evening time for household chores, rest or communication with each other. 

Disadvantages:Children of any age find it difficult to tolerate loneliness.

• They are tormented by nightmares, they are afraid of the dark. If you do not help the child cope with these emotions, it is possible to develop enuresis and other pathologies provoked by stress.
• If a child sleeps separately from birth, he has no difficulty falling asleep and nightmares. But if children are evicted from their parents' bedroom by the age of 2-5, the adaptation period may be delayed. Parents need a lot of patience to still withstand the onslaught of the baby to return to their bed. 

Sleeping together and a couple's relationshipAnother cornerstone in the issue of co—sleeping is the relationship between parents.

The physical and spiritual closeness of a couple is a matter of two. And when any third person gets between them (even if it's a child), the distance increases. Sometimes so much so that Dad goes to another room so as not to disturb mom and baby to sleep. Over time, the situation may worsen to such an extent that the relationship in the couple will become formal, and there the divorce is not far away. 

By the way, statistics say that 60% of divorces occur in the first year after the birth of a child. Therefore, sacrificing personal relationships for the sake of the comfort of the baby, parents should be aware of all potential risks. 

When and how to move a child out of his bedIf you decide to send your baby to sleep in your room, do it gently and non-traumatically:

Choose a moment.

1. Psychologists recommend moving the child to his crib no later than 2.5-3.5 years. At this time, he is going through a crisis of three years, when there is a natural separation from his mother. If earlier the kid considered himself to be its continuation, now he is already beginning to realize himself as a separate person, with his own desires and opinions. The kid begins to take the initiative, independently perform some actions, check his strength and capabilities. And just at this time, the idea of sleeping himself is clearly going to appeal to him.
2. Create a ritual. To swim, drink a glass of kefir, listen to mom or dad reading his favorite book, cuddle before going to bed — all this should become a nightly ritual for the child. 
3. Be firm. If a child comes to you in the middle of the night and says that he is scared or lonely, do not go on about it. Calmly, but firmly, tell him that he must return to his bed. Give up the slack — and the child will form two bad habits: to come to you every night and ignore the rules set by parents.
4. Buy a night light. If the baby is afraid of the dark, buy him a beautiful night light with a soft weak light. It will create a semi—darkness in which it will be more comfortable to sleep, and even if the child wakes up, he will not be afraid of the darkness around.

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Even fans of natural parenthood understand that sooner or later they will have to move the baby out of the parents' bed anyway. The most important thing is not to delay this, because a long joint sleep can cause a number of psychological problems. Up to how many years do children sleep with their parents? The situation in which an 8-year-old constantly sleeps with her mother can already be called pathological without a doubt. Whereas a one—year-old baby in bed with his parents is just a variant of the norm.  April 27, 2020 2022-11-27 2020-04-27 Rate the article on a 5-point scale Did you like the article?