The child does not want to go to school: what to do?

In 2018, a nationwide survey of students of different ages was conducted in Russia. It turned out that 73% of them do not like school. But it's one thing not to love and still study, and another thing is to completely refuse to attend it. 

It all starts with timid remarks like "Well, this school again" and ends with morning tantrums, tears and neurosis. The problem has a clear age gradation: the reasons for not wanting to attend school in certain periods of a child's life are completely different. Therefore, in order to somehow influence the situation, you first need to understand why it arose.

Why does the child not want to go to schoolUnwillingness to go to school is a way to solve a certain problem.

It can be both explicit and implicit, both rational and irrational, both understandable and incomprehensible to parents.

Junior schoolchildren: 6-9 years oldThe problems of children at this age are associated with difficulties in adapting to school life.

Especially if the child was sent to school too early. Psychological readiness is not related to age, so it is important to first consult with a specialist to understand whether the child is really ready for school.

The adaptation period lasts on average several months, but it can also take up to six months. Therefore, the reluctance to go to school at this time can be regarded as a temporary variant of the norm. Later it will pass by itself.

But what if the adaptation was successful, and the child still does not want to go to school? The reasons may be different:Misses Mom and Dad, home.

• Afraid of making a mistake, getting a bad grade.
• I didn't find any friends in the school team.
• Did not establish contact with the teacher.
• Overtired from intense daily loads.

Do you want to learn more about how to motivate a child to study? Then register - at Dmitry Karpachev's transplant-free online master class "What every parent should know". Middle school students: 10-14 years old

Adolescence is an extremely difficult and turbulent period in a person's life.

Hormonal surges, changes in appearance and other metamorphoses affect the child's behavior, as well as his perception of his personality. He becomes anxious, short-tempered, sensitive to any criticism. 

What can discourage a teenager from going to school:self-doubt, low self-esteem and the associated fear of answering at the blackboard, attracting attention to yourself;

• bullying by classmates or teachers;
• dependence on gadgets that you have to break away from during lessons;
• difficulties in communicating with classmates.

High school students: 15-17 years oldAmong children of this age group, unwillingness to go to school is most common.

Moreover, parents may not even guess about this, because instead of lessons, a teenager just goes for a walk. 

Why is a child old enough to refuse to go to school:lack of motivation to study — a teenager simply does not understand why he needs to study;

• problems with friends — children of this age are extremely dependent on the atmosphere in their social environment (in the classroom, with friends);
• problems on the personal front — unrequited love, etc.;
• negative influence from older friends, adults.

Also read:  How to protect a child from bad influence from other people***

Regardless of age, the desire to go to school and study can be influenced by the stressful situation at home, a change of residence, an unpleasant teacher, etc.

The main idea that I want to convey to parents is that the rejection of school cannot be regarded as banal laziness.

There is always a reason, and your task is to find it in order to take action. 

In her book The Win—Win Class, author Jane Bluestein writes: "If a child used to love school and suddenly started refusing to attend it, this is an important signal. I would ask him, “Is this a social or academic problem?After all, if children stop going to school because it's boring, that's one thing. And when they are beaten or bullied by teachers there every day, it's completely different." 

Ask questionsDiscuss with your child how his school days are going.

If he does not go to a frank conversation, that is, he keeps silent or says that everything is fine, try asking leading questions:

• Did something bad happen to you at school? What exactly?
• Are there people in the class who are unpleasant to you?
• How do you like the new teacher?

Talk to the teacher. Ask if he has noticed any changes in your child's behavior. Have there been any excesses lately? Did your child show signs of anxiety, anxiety, nervousness? 

Tell him that he's been refusing to go to school lately. Perhaps the teacher will remember some unpleasant moment, after which the child's attitude to school changed. 

Coordinate with the teacher the possibility of your presence in several lessons. Observe the child: how he behaves during classes, whether he is active, how he communicates with classmates during recess.

Learn how to communicate with your child correctly so that he trusts you and tells you about his problems - at Dmitry Karpachev's transplant-free online master class "What every parent should know".Right now, click on the "Register" button and get a gift.

Problem Solving Skill

The child should understand that refusing to attend school will not solve the problem, but will only add new troubles.

His academic performance will decrease, and you, as parents, will have questions from the school administration or even social services. Therefore, just sitting at home is not an option.

Children need to be taught one of the most valuable skills — solving, not silencing problems. Uncomfortable in the classroom or failed to establish contact with the teacher → transfer him to another class or another school. 

There is no motivation to study or some subjects are difficult to learn → you need to focus on studying the most interesting disciplines. And for the rest, perform a sufficient minimum.

The fact of bullying has been confirmed → An appeal to the school administration, to the parents of bullies.

Not satisfied with morning rises → Go to bed early, put off mugs and sections for a while. 

The child does not want to go to school: 7 tips for parentsWhat can you do:

Frank dialogue.

1. If the child will honestly talk about his school affairs, you will be able to help him promptly. Communicate regularly and in a confidential manner, without condemnation, ridicule, with maximum participation and a desire to understand the problem that has arisen.
2. The right to protest. Refusal to go to school is a kind of protest against certain circumstances. Praise the child for expressing it and thus reporting the problem. It's much worse to go with the flow and put up with what you don't like. 
3. School is a duty. Each person has a range of responsibilities that need to be handled. Attending school and studying is a child's responsibility. And how well he copes with these tasks determines his level of responsibility. In case of difficulties, it is necessary not to throw off responsibility and skip school, but to solve the problem and continue studying. Tell this to the child and give an example of the work of adults: an unpleasant colleague or a stuffy tram is not a reason for absenteeism.
4. Invisible interference. If you had to involve a teacher or a school principal to solve your child's problem, try to involve him in this situation as little as possible. Let your help be effective, but invisible. It is also not necessary to arrange public proceedings with the parents of the abusers (if the problem is bullying), and even in the presence of children. A personal conversation will be enough.
5. The personality is independent. If your child follows a bad example and refuses to go to school because he got involved with a bad company, explain to him the shortcomings of the guided personality. She does not have her own opinion and the right to vote, she is not considered and not respected. Does he want to be like that? Is he ready to sacrifice his studies and future for the sake of cowardly following the instructions of his comrades and skipping school?
6. Teach by example. Failure at work is an occasion not only to reflect in the evening with a glass of wine, but also a great topic for conversation with a child. This conversation will be not only interesting, but also informative. Tell us what upset you or what didn't work out. Explain your feelings: annoyance, sadness, confusion. And after that, ask the child what he would do in your place. Let his advice pass by the cash register, let him still perceive "adult" problems in a childish way, but in this case it is not the result that is important, but the process. You will teach the child to look for a way out of any situation.
7. Outside help. If you have not been able to find out why the child does not want to go to school, or all the measures taken have not brought results, it may be worth contacting a psychologist. The specialist will analyze the psychological state of the child, establish contact with him and help to understand the situation. You can also ask for help from people your child trusts: next of kin, godparents, friends. 

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Your task is not just to physically return the child to school, but to restore his interest in school life and classes. Be consistent and sensitive to his needs and desires. Trust your child and maintain his trust in you. This is the only way you can avoid a similar problem in the future.