How to wean a child to sleep with his parents

A baby peacefully snoring near mom is a picture that cannot but cause a tender smile. A three—year-old kid who crawls under his parents' blanket in the morning is the hero of funny family stories. But a six—year-old crying alone every night in his room, because he simply does not know how to fall asleep alone, is a sad case. And the reason for this is a prolonged joint sleep. How to wean a child to sleep with his parents, read our article. Why should a child sleep with his parents

Tired mothers make the decision to move the baby from the crib to their bed: the baby can wake up up to 6 times a night.

It's very exhausting. And next to mom, the baby is comfortable and calm, he wakes up less often, and you don't need to get up to feed him. It is enough only to give a breast in a half-dream.

But despite this, as well as the presence of a cultural precedent (joint sleep is present in the traditions of most peoples), the American Academy of Pediatricians (AAP) came to the conclusion that, at least for safety reasons, it is worth weaning the baby to sleep with his mother.

It all started with studies of the main cause of infant death in the first year of life — sudden infant mortality syndrome. According to statistics, 12.6% of cases of SIDS occurred while sleeping with their parents. At the same time, laying the baby separately helps to reduce the risk of sudden death by 50%.

As a result, AAP issued official recommendations: ✓ From birth, you need to work out a schedule of feeding the baby with a significant pause at night (at least 4-5 hours).

Over time, the pause should increase to a full 8-hour sleep.

✓ It is not necessary to allow babies to fall asleep at the breast to prevent violations of the sleep onset association. 

✓ Independent sleep training should begin at 5-6 months of a child's life.

✓ The safest option for children under 1 year is to sleep in a cradle (cradle) pulled up to the parents' bed. After that — separately in his room.

If you follow these tips, then there will be no questions about how to wean a baby to sleep with his mother.

The problem of sleeping togetherIt occurs at the moment when parents realize that the child is already old enough, but still does not want to sleep alone.

 

According to research by the Canadian Pediatric Community, about 45% of parents allow children of 8-12 years of age to sometimes come to their bed in the middle of the night, and another 13% allow them to sleep in their parent's bed on a permanent basis. 

At the same time, joint sleep creates a deceptive feeling: it seems like the child sleeps more calmly, he is not tormented by nightmares. In fact, it brings stress and can provoke behavioral insomnia — a medical diagnosis that is given to children who simply cannot fall asleep on their own. And then the question of how to wean children to sleep with their parents takes on a different context.

Do you want to learn more about how to help your child to bear any stresses as comfortably as possible? Then register - at Dmitry Karpachev's transplant-free online master class "What every parent should know". Other disadvantages of sleeping together:

parents do not get enough sleep, because the child takes up too much space in the bed, turns around, takes away the blanket;

• their personal life suffers, the risk of divorce increases;
• the inability to relax at night and relax in your bed leads to increased anxiety, chronic stress, depression in adults;

Parents understand that they are doing something wrong, but they cannot influence the child, who is already used to laying down in their beds or coming to them in the middle of the night. They just don't know how to wean a baby to sleep with his parents.

A growing sense of annoyance and self-failure poisons the life of adults, but this is nothing compared to the harm that joint sleep brings to children 6-11 years old.

Attachment theoryThe American psychoanalyst John Bowlby first described the so-called theory of painful attachment of children to their parents.

And the main source of its occurrence is considered to be joint sleep. 

Children who are too strongly attached to home and relatives have problems in socialization, a decrease in school performance, psychoemotional and behavioral disorders. 

Not every parent can keep a fine line between painful dependence and alienation. You need to learn to balance between extremes, and if they do happen, take action. 

In any case, it is definitely not worth sleeping with a child over 5 years old with his parents — you need to wean him as soon as possible.

Also read: A child wakes up in the middle of the night, cries and is afraid: what to do?Regaining control of the bed

The belated removal of the child from the parent's bed is complicated by the fact that he already has this habit firmly rooted.

He just doesn't understand how and why to act differently. 

Even worse, if you previously made attempts to move your son or daughter to your room, but gave up under the onslaught of protests or pitied a crumb who was afraid to sleep alone. But how can we wean the baby to sleep with his mother and at the same time not damage his psyche?

Be prepared for the fact that it will not be possible to quickly and easily regain control of your bed:Realize that your family has a problem.

1. And such that it harms all parties — both the child and the parents. 
2. Expect resistance. Set and announce the goal — the child should sleep by himself in his room. And steadily move towards it.
3. Replace the feeling of comfort that the presence of parents next to the child gives at night with attention and care before and after sleep. 
4. Explain to your child why it is so important that he sleeps in his own bed. Do not hesitate to say that you do not get enough sleep. 
5. Accept the fact that sleeping together by the age of 6-7 has already caused some damage to your child's self-esteem. And in parallel, work on increasing it. 
6. Be consistent and do not back down at the first setbacks: only systematic and well-planned actions will form the child's habit of falling asleep on his own. 

Learn more about how your child's psyche works to protect him from unnecessary stress and grow up healthy - at Dmitry Karpachev's transplant-free online master class "What every parent should know".Right now, click on the "Register" button and get a gift.

How to wean a child from sleeping together: tips for parents

 

The process includes two stages — preparation and implementation. 

Preparation— Arrange a comfortable sleeping place for the child.

His room should be cozy, the interior in pastel colors. Without mirrors and too bright drawings on the walls. 

— Children don't like to sleep in pitch darkness. The soft light of the night light will reduce anxiety while falling asleep, and also will not allow you to be scared when you wake up in the middle of the night. Give preference to models with diffused light, changing shades of glow. 

— Develop a clear daily routine of the child and the ritual of laying. Everything should happen without delay, even for good reasons (guests stayed too long, an interesting movie). Compliance with the regime will help you quickly develop the habit of falling asleep on your own. 

— Pets are great babysitters for children. Invite your cat or dog to spend a few minutes in the nursery while the child falls asleep. He will not be so lonely, and the animal will gladly complete this mission in exchange for a tasty treat.

— A stressful period, problems at school, illness is not the best time to start putting the child separately. Postpone the planned relocation for a few days/weeks. 

— Before going to bed, you should not eat food, especially sweets. Whereas a glass of warm milk will help you fall asleep faster, so it will be easier to wean a child to sleep with his parents.

Realization— If the child is afraid to stay in his room alone, you can spend the first night with him.

For example, to sleep on an extra bed (if there is one) or a mattress laid out on the floor. But only for one night. 

— After the evening shower, take the child to your room. Chat with him, read a fairy tale. 

— Explain that you can go out if necessary, but then you will definitely come in and check if he has fallen asleep.

— Even if the child has not fallen asleep yet, leave the room for a couple of minutes. Be sure to come back and sit with him for a while longer.

— If you are interested in how to wean a sufficient adult child to sleep with his parents, you can read him articles by child psychologists. For example, that the symbol of adulthood is independence. And it starts just with falling asleep in your crib.

— In the morning, be sure to praise the child for coping with the task and sleeping alone all night. Please with a small present. 

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The famous pediatrician E. O. Komarovsky believes that it is not so difficult to teach a child to sleep separately: "The child gets used to the lack of constant contact with his mother surprisingly quickly.

In the cave, as soon as mom left, it gets cold, but not in the apartment. Contact with mom was interrupted, but the child is full, he is not cold, not wet, not hot — what is there to yell for nothing? And with a normal care system, the child gets used to isolated sleep in 2-3 days."

We hope that our recommendations will help you quickly and effortlessly teach your child to sleep independently. Good luck! September 15th, 2020 2022-11-27 2020-09-15 Rate the article on a 5-point scale Did you like the article?

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