The child is swearing: what to do and how to wean

If you notice that obscene words slip through the child's speech, it's time to pay attention to the problem of profanity. It occurs at different age periods of children's lives and requires different responses from parents.

The first thing to remember is that mat is not the goal of communication, but a means. As the American writer F. P. Dunn wrote, "swearing is a compromise between flight and a fight."

In our article, we will look at the problem of profanity in children of different ages, and also give advice to parents on how to react correctly to the mat and eradicate it from the child's vocabulary. Why do children swear

Recently, an experiment was conducted in Russian schools: children aged 11-16 were interviewed for their attitude to obscene vocabulary.

The result was surprising, because most of them (54%) do not see anything wrong with occasionally using a mate. 

When asked why they need obscene language, the children answered: "Sometimes it's impossible to express a thought without a mat." They also gave other reasons for using the mat:

• this is a style of communication in certain circles;
• with the help of a mat, you can literally reduce a sentence to one word;
• the mat is more colorful to describe the feelings and emotions from what he saw / experienced. 

According to psychologists, the list of reasons why children swear is much wider. Moreover, each age has its own characteristics — the mat in the speech of a baby and a teenager has a different background. 

Do you want to know the subtleties of your child's psychology at every stage of growing up in order to better understand his needs? Find out about it at Dmitry Karpachev's transplant-free online master class "What every parent should know". 

Small children (2-5 years old)Everything is simple here:

What I hear, I repeat. Even if children understand that they have said some bad word, they do not realize the true meaning of these speech turns. Therefore, they often use the mat at random, without any relationship with the context. 

Children learn bad things not only in the family, but also outside it: on the playground, in the garden, on mugs. Wherever there is more than one child, there is a chance of encountering a foul language. Also, obscene vocabulary is generously used on the Internet (content from the same "YouTube"), and sometimes in TV programs, movies. But, of course, the main source of swear words is family. 

Junior schoolchildren (6-10 years old)Children at this age already know perfectly well what a mat is and what each specific word means.

They start swearing because of the protest. Seeing how adults change in their faces, hearing some of the forbidden words, the child gets some satisfaction. So he punishes parents, demonstrates disobedience and fights for his authoritative right to decide what to say and what not to say. 

Rebellion against the rules set by parents is one of the reasons for the conscious use of the mat. But there are others. For example, the desire to parody the manner of communication of adults or children from an older age group. Also read: The child does not want to go to school: what to do? Teenagers (11-16 years old)

The height of puberty is characterized by changes in behavior.

Including the acquisition of a new manner of speech. Yesterday's quiet and polite children, under the influence of hormones, begin to grope for new horizons. And swear words are the most accessible way to express your feelings. 

Annoyance, resentment, self-doubt overwhelm teenagers at the slightest provocation. They literally shout to the world: "I do not know what is happening to me, I do not like it." To enhance the emotional coloring of these words, they use a mate.

In the teenage environment, obscene language is a common thing. They are not understood at home, and friends communicate with them in the same language. In order not to get out of the trend of the company, a teenager who had never thought of swearing before is beginning to use a mat more and more often as a sign of belonging to his group.

Learn how to properly and harmoniously socialize a child so that he thinks with his own head, and does not follow the crowd. Register for Dmitry Karpachev's transplant-free online intensive. Right now, click on the "Register" button and get a gift.Conscious mate

If you are at a loss to guess why your child is swearing, set the degree of awareness of this behavior.

If an obscene word is just a joke, then there is no smell of awareness here. Rather, the desire to shock adults, to bring to emotion. 

If a teenager expresses his feelings with a foul language, it is worth not only being outraged, but also internally rejoicing — he is frank with you, sincerely wants to convey the depth of his experiences.

The task of parents is to explain that in this way of communication he only pushes people away from him.

We must also remember about teenage negativism — the tendency to see events and the world in black colors. And swear words describe these marginal judgments in the best possible way. Remember that sooner or later everything will fall into place. The child will understand that in a decent society people do not talk like that.

Clean environment: how to protect a child from a matPerhaps the answer to this question will shock you, but it will not be possible to eradicate the mate.

You can control your speech, ask all adults with whom your child communicates to follow the words… But it will not be possible to completely protect the child from obscene language. 

There is a great saying: if you don't know how to defeat chaos, lead it. You will need to talk frankly with the child and explain the meaning of swear words, the appropriateness of their use, as well as the consequences of such a manner of speech. 

Prepare for this conversation, so as not to impose stereotypes on the child about the mate, which are either completely illogical, or have long since outlived themselves. 

Myths about mats1. If a child hears a mat somewhere, then now he will swear always and everywhere.

 Not all children swear obscenities, but absolutely everyone has heard this mat.

It is impossible to separate obscene language from the child's ears, except to resort to total control and overprotection, which does not fit in with the concept of adequate parenthood. 

2. Only immoral persons swear. If you think so, then observe others.

How many of them sometimes use mate? Most likely, a lot. And do you consider all of them immoral individuals? Probably not. 

3. The fight against obscenity should be crushing. But you remember that the forbidden fruit is sweet.

The stronger the fixation on the inadmissibility of a mat in your home, the more acute the child's desire to say a forbidden word will be. 

4. The mat is used by those who have a small vocabulary. This is the most popular misconception.

Pushkin, Yesenin, Mayakovsky are literary luminaries who certainly did not suffer from a lack of epithets to describe their feelings. And they all swore obscenities. Mayakovsky even had a series of poems with obscenity. 

5. So that the child does not swear, you need to limit the Internet and social networks.You cannot control your son or daughter 24 hours a day.

If he is deprived of his "joys" at home (playing games or watching videos), then he will do it at school or visiting friends. There is no need to ban the Internet, it is only necessary to limit the harmful content that he may encounter there. Struggling with obscene vocabulary: instructions for parents

The topic of obscenities is hot, causes righteous anger among parents: "How so — in our intelligent family, an obscenity grows!".

But wait to throw up your hands to the sky in a fit of despair. Our instructions will help you either eradicate the problem of profanity in a child, or reduce the intensity of passions around her. Mate has been everywhere, is and will be.

1. It will not be possible to protect the child from him.
2. Your child will swear. Hidden or explicit, often or rarely. You may know about it or not even guess, but it will.
3. It is not necessary to make enemies of those people or children who swore in the presence of your child. Sometimes swear words fly out accidentally, and what is said, as you know, is not a sparrow. 
4. If the kid unknowingly said a bad word, ignore it. The lack of your reaction will help him quickly forget the checkmate. 
5. With the help of parental control programs, set a ban on individual sites that may contain content with obscene words. 
6. You can not scold, humiliate and, even worse, slap a child for obscene words. He will definitely protest against parental violence and will swear even harder.
7. Preschoolers perceive the world through fairy tales. Tell your child a story about how a little gnome cursed and therefore no one was friends with him. And the good owl advised me to stop swearing. Following her advice, the dwarf quickly made friends. 
8. Explain to the teenager that the symbol of his adulthood and independence is not swearing, but the responsibility that he is ready to take on himself. Give him enough freedom so that he gets the opportunity to prove the fact that he has not been a child for a long time. 
9. Enter a penalty for abusive words. For example, do 10 push-ups from the floor or wash the dishes out of turn. 
10. Tell your child what a cultural society is. How intelligent people differ from ill-mannered and uneducated marginals. Explain that with the help of a mat, a person understates his intelligence, creates an aura of aggression around himself.
11. The only correct reaction to a mat from the mouth of a child is a calm and restrained reminder that there is no swearing in your house.
12. Visualize the mat: during conflicts it is gasoline that ignites a quarrel, and in pleasant moments of life it is a fly in the ointment that can spoil a barrel of honey.

*****

And one last piece of advice: teach your child to express emotions in different ways, expand his vocabulary and demonstrate the advantages of living without a mat by example.  September 21, 2020 2022-11-27 2020-09-21 Rate the article on a 5-point scale Did you like the article?