How not to raise a mother's son

One of the popular topics on women's forums is infantile men, who are called mama's sons. This is a special subspecies that normal women try to stay away from. And if they decide to have a relationship with such a person, then they suffer, they try to find a problem in themselves. 

Let's talk about how to identify such a person and how not to raise a mother's son from his own child.Who is a mama's boy

If a man just loves his mom, cares about her and respects her opinion — is that enough to call him a mama's boy?

Probably not. Still, this is a set of signs. At least 3-5 out of 10:Extremely close communication.

1. Calls several times a day and a full report on where he is, what he does and what he ate.
2. Dependence on mom's opinion. Not just heard and took note, but turned his own position 180° to please his parent.
3. Comparison with Mom. Quotes her words, gives an example: "But that's not how my mom makes an omelet." 
4. Too frank communication. He tells his mother in detail about his love adventures, dedicates her to all the affairs and even secrets of other people.
5. Lack of independence. Allows mom to choose a wardrobe for herself, up to the purchase of underwear. Has no taste of his own, consults with his mother about any purchases, trips, etc.
6. Takes Mom's side in conflicts. Even small quarrels lead to the idea that he always supports his mother in everything, although she may be wrong.
7. Fulfills all the whims of mom. It is whims, not requests for help. Often, at the same time, he pushes the needs of his family into the background. For example, a couple decided to spend a day in nature, and the man's mother suddenly wanted to visit her great-aunt. He cancels the outing and goes with her to visit. 
8. Refuses to take responsibility for failures. Blames anyone: the weather, the situation in the country, other people. It would seem, what does mom have to do with it? But it was she who laid down the skill of shifting responsibility in childhood. Did not teach independence, did not give the opportunity to make mistakes. 
9. Can't say no to Mom. Any request or persistent intervention from her is an excuse to do exactly as she wants. Even if the mother violates the boundaries of her son or his family members. 
10. Depends on Mom financially. This applies to guys who have not yet created their own family. Mama's sons continue to live in their parents' house, they give their salary to their mother. And she, in turn, graciously allocates her son a certain amount for pocket expenses.

Don't you know how men become mama's boys? Very simple! It is enough to adhere to most of the above points in the upbringing of the boy. 

Do you want to understand how to properly raise a child in order to grow an independent and worthy adult out of him? Then register - at Dmitry Karpachev's transplant-free online master class "What every parent should know". A mother's son and a good husband — does this happen?

Generally speaking, a mother's son is distinguished from an ordinary man by a painful attachment to his mother.

Most often it is noticeable to the naked eye, but it happens that it becomes obvious only after a close acquaintance with a person, his family. Can a mother's son make a good husband? Unlikely. 

And here's why:a woman will have to put up with the constant presence of a third person in a relationship — the man's mother;

• the needs of the family will be relegated to the background, which means that any planned business may suddenly fail;
• such a man, even after creating his family, will not cherish it, because psychologically he has not left his former family — the parental one. A relationship with a woman and children born together is just an attempt to play adulthood;
• mothers of sons are domineering women with a difficult character. It is extremely difficult to please her and earn the right to respect. The daughter-in-law will always be "not like that" for her, because her son deserves a much better couple. 

The only advice to girls who have noticed signs of a mama's boy in their young man is to run without looking back. You won't be able to re-educate him, just don't waste your time! But there is another side of the problem: if it is quite possible to avoid an alliance with such a "non-man", then how not to raise a mother's son yourself?

Let's figure it out. Also read: Sex education of children. What parents should definitely knowMom and son: features of the relationship

The relationship between mother and son depends on the situation in the family.

Full families are one format. Incomplete, where the boy is raised only by his mother, is completely different. 

→ In a full family, both parents are engaged in raising children. Mom spoils, pities, takes care of the child, dad teaches everyday wisdom and gives an example of how to be a man. The son's relationship with his mother is trusting, friendly. He sees how the roles in the family are distributed, and in the future he will build his relationships in much the same way. 

→ Incomplete family is a double burden on the mother. She has to perform both roles, combining both love / tenderness for her son, and the upbringing of masculinity, perseverance, responsibility in him. Not everyone copes with this task equally well, because it is tempting to try on the image of a great martyr who sacrifices her life for the sake of a child. 

A mother's son can be a child who grew up in both a full and incomplete family. But objectively, the guy will have more chances to grow up infantile and fall into a painful dependence on his mother in the second case. 

Learn how to build a relationship with a child in order to avoid problems in the future - at Dmitry Karpachev's transplant-free online master class "What every parent should know".Right now, click on the "Register" button and get a gift.

10 mistakes moms make in raising boys

 

It doesn't matter if you have a husband, whether he takes part in raising a child.

If you definitely don't want to raise a mom's son, listen to our advice. 

1. An unbroken umbilical cord. Yes, for a while mother and child were one. Or rather, mother and fetus. After the birth of a child, you need to realize that the umbilical cord is broken, now you are two separate people. There are no "we" anymore. Do not prevent the natural separation of the child from the mother. So you will help him realize that he is not a prefix to the parent, but an independent person. 
2. Overprotection. Care can be taken care of, and you can strangle. Hyperprotection is not about the reasonable protection of the child from the dangers of the world, but rather about the fact that the child is not given the opportunity to know the world in all its diversity. Astrid Lindgren wrote: "Leave the children alone, but be within reach in case you are needed." This is the best way to avoid overprotection.
3. Self-sacrifice. The only sacrifice of a mother that can be justified is attention. In other cases, material and moral sacrifices will have the opposite effect. You will not get gratitude for sure, but it is likely that you will reproach your son for your own mistakes in the future: "Yes, I didn't go to work/get married for you," etc. 
4. Negativism towards men. Even if you have been greatly offended, you should not live in captivity of the delusion that "all men are goats." Especially to demonstrate this attitude to my son. The stereotype will strengthen in his mind that if he is not convenient for a woman (mother), he will be bad. In the future, such a person will become either a mama's boy or a henpecked one. 
5. Disrespect. It is important to separate the concepts of respect and shifting responsibility to the child, so that later there is a reason for reproaches. For example, asking your son what he would like for lunch is one thing. But the issues that, due to his age, he still cannot solve, need to be "sorted out" on his own. Sincere respect for the son is one of the building blocks for building his personality and recognition of the right to make his own decisions. Even if they (in your opinion or in reality) will be wrong. 
6. Comparison with others. The meme about the son of a mom's friend confirms the popularity of parental manipulation, in the essence of which is the comparison of your child with another, more successful, stronger or more intelligent. The plausible purpose of such a comparison is to encourage the child to achieve. But as a result, it brings the opposite effect, becomes the cause of self-flagellation and low self-esteem.
7. Exaggerating your authority. As Mom said, so it will be. She needs to be listened to and obeyed, because no one except mom wants her son well... It is with such attitudes that domineering mothers reinforce their unshakable authority. At the same time, they dispute the presence of any other authorities and significant people in the child's life. If you want to raise a mom's son, make yourself the most important person in his life. 
8. Insurance from women. Any mother wants her son to find a worthy chosen one. But instilling in him the opinion that women are selfish, fickle and stupid, you will not protect from a mistake, but will do a disservice. He will evaluate any girl according to the criteria imposed by you, as well as compare with you. And he will remain lonely, because mama's sons carefully keep one ideal image in their minds — the image of their mother. All other female individuals will certainly not reach this high bar. 
9. The destruction of masculine qualities. The male essence is determination, strength of mind and body, and sometimes even aggression. If the mother suppresses these qualities, she will get a weak-willed being who is not able to defend her interests or defend herself in any way. 
10. Blackmail by loneliness. It is completely inappropriate to keep an adult son near you, blackmailing you with your loneliness or poor health. The best gift you can give him is to let him go. If he wants to move to another country, create his own business or even conquer Everest — do not hinder his impulses. Overcoming difficulties away from the warm family nest, he will become exactly the man you will be proud of later. 

*****

Being a mama's boy is an unenviable fate for a man. Only a few manage to escape from the influence of the domineering mother. And often they come under the heel of an equally domineering wife. If you want to avoid these unhealthy scenarios in a child's life, objectively evaluate your educational approaches. You noticed the mistakes described above, rather correct yourself, so that later you don't ask yourself "how to make a man out of a mama's son." Your son's happy future is at stake!

October 13, 2020 2022-11-27 2020-10-13 Rate the article on a 5-point scale Did you like the article? Share it on social networks