"Yazheotets" — who is it and how not to turn into it

With the concept of "yazhemat", which is often found in Internet chatterboxes and memes, everything is more or less clear. Roughly speaking, these are moms who are used to putting the interests of their child above everything, sometimes even above common sense. They also consider their motherhood to be the highest achievement and require special treatment. But in this article we will focus on a less popular, but no less interesting neologism — "yazheotets". Who is he, how does he manifest himself in relation to the child, his mother and others?

Where is the line between the father and the father? How to stop meeting the criteria of this contradictory status? 

Signs of a false fatherImagine an ordinary playground.

Two men are walking on it with their children. The first is the father, and the second is the father. How does each of them behave? 

FatherMonitors the child so that he does not fall and injure himself.

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• He plays with the baby, helps him climb the slide or sit more comfortably on the swing.
• Comforting when he hit or fell.
• It does not provoke conflict situations, and if it is necessary to protect the child, it calmly makes a remark to his parents.
• He apologizes if the child has messed up.

I am a fatherHe comes to the playground with the look of a great martyr.

• 15 minutes spent on it, considers a feat.
• Not interested in what the child is doing. All the attention is focused on the smartphone. 
• If the child is hit, he shouts at him. 
• He commands the parade, clearing the best place on the slides for his offspring.
• If his kid is naughty, he gets off with the phrase "he's a child."

This is only a small part of the examples of how the fathers manifest themselves. This category is very extensive and combines, it would seem, completely opposite qualities.

On the one hand, yazhepaps demonstrate overprotection. On the other hand, they distance themselves from true parental responsibilities.

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Some fathers with the option of stinginess believe that the baby does not need much.

Breastfeeding is free food. Diapers are harmful to health. Expensive toys and beautiful clothes are Mom's whim. It is unrealistic to force them to buy an elegant four-poster bed. And why? In the mother-in-law's attic, an almost new crib is gathering dust, in which only 3-5 children of the closest relatives slept.

The child grows up, but yazhepapa does not change his views. He is happy to brawl at parent meetings about contributions to the needs of the school.

Does not bother buying fashionable clothes and gadgets for a teenager. And when appealing to other children, he teaches them not to pay attention to society, to live by their own mind and find cheaper entertainment. 

At the same time, such a father will not deny himself an extra bottle of beer and the 15th fishing rod. After all, he earned money on them, he was very tired and simply had to have a good rest. He's the father!Also read: How not to raise a mama's sonAttitude to the child's mother

They can be characterized by one phrase: "she is to blame for everything."

The baby's teeth are teething, and he cries for hours — so it's the mother who can't ease the suffering of the crumbs. The grown—up naughty boy broke the cup - the mother did not follow. The schoolboy brought a deuce — his mother does not work with him. And if a teenager stayed with friends, mom will have to listen to complaints about the lack of control and upbringing. 

Yazheotsy is not about responsibility, not about adequate parenting, not about sacrificing strength and time for the sake of the family.

This is a special caste of the chosen, whose sole and main function was to give the most valuable seed for the production of offspring. That's it.

No matter how the wife tries to prove to the father that it is necessary to distribute the responsibilities of raising a child, he is deaf to her requests. After all, he has so much to do! He's a busy man, why does he need these diapers.

I am the Father and gender rolesAdherence to stereotypes and old methods of education is one of the main signs of this type of parents.

If the son mentions the desire to learn to dance, then at least he will get the go-ahead "this is not a man's business." If the daughter wants to drive a car, she will listen to a thorough lecture on why "a woman driving is a monkey with a grenade." 

It is difficult for a father to admit that society is changing, gender roles are becoming a thing of the past, and democratic approaches to education are becoming an immutable rule for cultivating a full-fledged, developed personality.

The inflexibility of such parents is also manifested in the expectation of stereotypical behavior from children. A girl should be modest, economic, not make up and not wear short skirts. A boy should not be interested in fashionable clothes or music. A monkey wrench in the hands of a son will cause much more approval from a father than a frying pan with pancakes.

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I am a father after a divorce

If the marriage comes to an end, the signs of paternity are doubled or even tripled.

It all starts with a cry: "How will I live without my children?!". Although he had not previously taken a special part in their life and upbringing. And it may end in court proceedings over joint custody and the right to regular communication with children. 

But as soon as the court's decision is received, the father disappears into the evening haze. Dating is happening less and less, children are not drawn to him, do not want to spend holidays or even weekends with him, forget to congratulate on holidays. And who is to blame? Of course, their mother. 

The issue of alimony hurts the delicate mental organization of the fathers. After all, it is fundamentally wrong to pay children whom you practically do not see. And how much do they need...

How not to become a fatherAwareness of the problem is the first step to solving it.

Therefore, if you notice signs of a father in your husband, give him our advice. Perhaps they will become the magic pill on the way to getting rid of the prefix "yazhe".

1. Take responsibility. Family is not a game of adulthood. These are worries, problems, strength, nerves... something that will have to be sacrificed. If you organize everything correctly, it will be easy and pleasant for you to stay in the status of a family person. 
2. Raising a child is a complex process. By abstracting from this duty, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to realize your potential. After all, children are our second chance, an opportunity to achieve what did not happen in our life, to see the best version of ourselves. Invest your knowledge and experience in children, and then enjoy the result.
3. Do not look for the guilty ones if your children are not like you dreamed. It's not the teachers' fault that your blockhead brought a deuce again. And the main thing is that the blockhead himself is not to blame for this. Take his side, become his friend and helper. Show by your own example the benefits of knowledge and successful study. Don't blame your wife that the house is dirty and dinner is not cooked. Think about how to optimize household chores and make her life easier.
4. Your child is not the center of the universe. And not even the smartest and not the most beautiful. Of course, for you it is. But not for other people. Don't lose your temper if you see that his rights are being trampled on. Your aggressive behavior in conflict situations will harm much more than the cause of the conflict itself. And don't think that having a child is a privilege. Otherwise, the label "yazhepapa" will become your business card in any society.
5. The world has changed. Parenthood has changed with him. Women do not give birth in the field and do not wash diapers. Forget about what your grandmothers told you or showed you in old movies. If you can't keep up with the changes, be interested. Open up to a new reality. Perhaps, in the end, she will pleasantly surprise you. 

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In defense of yazhepap, it should be said that, like moms, no one taught them to be good parents. Despite the availability of information about parenting, very few people resort to advice. The rest act on a whim. Or they do what their parents did. 

But it's never too late to improve. Radically or at least partially change yourself, your attitude to the child, his upbringing. Good luck! November 2, 2020 2022-11-27 2020-11-02 Rate the article on a 5-point scale Did you like the article?