How to raise a leader: advice from a psychologist

A special approach is needed to raise a child leader. It is not enough to notice his social activity and organizational skills. We also need to develop them. At the same time, do not overdo it so that leadership does not become synonymous with egocentrism.

We will tell you who is a real leader in a children's team, and give advice on the formation of leadership qualities in a child. Who is the leader

The word "leader" has a number of stable associations.

The head of the company, the head of the organization comes to mind. But in a broad sense, a leader is a person whose opinion is listened to by others. Strong-willed, purposeful, not afraid to take responsibility for actions and decisions. 

In children's groups, the leader manifests himself in the same way: he sets the rules of the game and monitors their compliance, accepts and excludes participants. The rest of the children obey the leader, subconsciously feeling his informal power. 

Leadership qualities are formed in childhood. Talk to the parents of a status person who has achieved a lot in life. Surely he demonstrated the makings of a leader even in the sandbox, and then confirmed his status in all the children's groups in which he was in different years of his life.Also read: Increased anxiety in a child: causes, symptoms, advice from a psychologistDistinctive features of a leader

If you want to raise a child as a leader, you should first understand the characteristics of this type of personality.

A real leader is a person who:

• seeks to manage the situation and the people involved in it;
• he is able to convince others, gently incline to his opinion;
• gives clear and understandable instructions, always knows what to do;
• masterly communicates with different people, knows how to find an approach to everyone;
• can influence people with the help of emotional images, leaves no one indifferent to his personality (causes both positive and negative);
• finds non-trivial ways to solve problems, takes responsibility for the result.

Do you want to learn more how to recognize a leader in a child or cultivate these qualities in him? Then register - at Dmitry Karpachev's transplant-free online master class "What every parent should know". Types of leadership in children's groups

There are several types of leaders in children's groups.

Exactly:Organizers.

1. They assign roles in games, assemble local groups for specific purposes, set tasks and monitor their implementation.
2. Activists. They show personal initiative and are always ready to act. Such children are the stars at matinees and the first assistants of educators / teachers. 
3. The rebels. These are leaders with the "-" sign. They gush with ideas, sometimes completely crazy. Nevertheless, they always find supporters, which further reinforces their desire to go against the established rules.
4. Patrons. These are leaders in small groups of children. As a rule, the patron finds 1-2 friends from those who, for some reason, did not join the company of the other children. 

Is it possible to become a leaderThere are two opposing opinions on this.

The essence of one thing is that you need to be born a leader. The essence of the second is that leadership qualities can be cultivated. The truth is somewhere in the middle, since both of these statements do not contradict each other. 

Yes, certain people are born with leadership skills. A two-year-old baby who subordinates other (often even older) children to his will is instantly awarded the title of leader. If these manifestations are not suppressed, then the leadership qualities of such a child will only grow stronger over time. 

At the same time, a quiet, calm child, accustomed to submission and conformity, can become a situational leader. For example, if no one else has expressed a desire to lead the process. Such situations can become an impetus for the development of leadership qualities.

Child leader and parentsIt's nice to know that your child is a leader.

But can two leaders (child + parent) get along in one family? And what if there are not two, but three (child + both parents)? 

The danger of such a configuration is that there may be a competition — who is who. The leadership qualities of the parents will be expressed in the suppression of the child. But he will not be able to obey implicitly. There will be competition, and after that — confrontation, open rebellion, nervous breakdown or much worse. 

Building parental authority will help here. Whatever one may say, it is the parents who are responsible for a minor child. Accordingly, they should have the final word. So that the kid does not perceive the established rules or prohibitions as an encroachment on his borders, discuss and argue the decisions made. 

Be interested in the opinion of the child, if possible, take it into account. Give him the right to choose and a little freedom in making his own decisions. 

What to do when a child insists on his own

Parents need to be consistent. If you have banned something, you should not give in to bidding and manipulation. Be sensitive to the line that separates the ability to achieve something and unhealthy pressure. 

Develop a sense of team spirit in the child leader.

He must understand that the leader is not the one who pulls the blanket over himself or takes advantage of the achievements of other people. A true leader achieves his goals through the proper organization of teamwork. 

Contribute to the realization of the child's leadership qualities in children's groups — in the classroom, a sports team, a group of like-minded people. 

Learn to criticize correctly — productively, without encroaching on the dignity of the child. Turn any mistakes into lessons, and failures into useful experience. 

Learn how to find a common language with your child even in the most difficult situations - at Dmitry Karpachev's transplant-free online master class "What every parent should know".Right now, click on the "Register" button and get a gift.

Negative aspects of leadership

The side effects of leadership can include overestimated self-esteem.

The child gets so used to the role of the first and main thing that he ceases to realize his weaknesses, shortcomings. He believes that he is always right in everything, does not tolerate objections, and anyone who dares to criticize him acquires the status of an enemy.

A sound assessment of your personality is something that the parents of a child leader will have to work on. 

Another aspect of leadership is the inevitable envy, rejection on the part of some children in the team. Not everyone is ready to follow the leader's instructions without a murmur. But open protest is much better than well-disguised envy. You can find an approach to an obvious opponent or choose another relationship strategy (for example, calm neutrality or ignore), but the presence of hidden enemies can be a surprise for a child. 

The rules of social adaptation will help to cope with this. The child must realize that absolutely everyone cannot like him. That there will always be people who will not be able to accept his authority.

How to "kill" a leaderParents can both nurture a leader in their child, and destroy this hypostasis.

 Prohibition of risk.

1. If you surround a child with overprotection, forbid him to stuff bumps and get valuable life experience, then you will stumble upon a rebuff in adolescence. As soon as he feels that he can resist obsessive care, he will begin to test and violate the boundaries of what is allowed. 
2. Generous praise. It is extremely necessary to praise the child, but it is not worth praising excessively. Overestimated self-esteem will lead to problems in communicating with other children. Leadership in the team can be shaken.
3. Fear of mistakes. It occurs at the moment when parents begin to punish the child for mistakes. Yes, targeted sabotage needs to be severely suppressed. But in all other cases, recognize the child's right to make mistakes.

How to develop leadership skills in a childTo the advice that we gave above, it is worth adding a few practical recommendations for educating a leader. 

Creating an environmentEnroll your child in a section or circle of interests, where group competitions, contests, quizzes will be practiced.

This will be an excellent environment for the manifestation of leadership qualities. Your strategy should include the following steps:

• finding a place in the team;
• demonstration of leadership qualities;
• consolidation of the leader's position.

In parallel, it is necessary to form a sense of self-confidence in the child. He should feel your approval and support. 

Organization of collective lifeA real leader not only takes over the leadership of the team in certain situations, but also creates these situations himself.

Think over together with the child what he can do for this. For example, you can initiate a contest or an intellectual battle. It is logical that the author of the idea will lead the process. This way you can not only show organizational skills, but also consolidate your position as a leader.

Communication with peersA true leader always knows what his team lives and breathes.

He should sincerely show interest, be a pleasant companion, provide all possible assistance. Therefore, empathy and altruism are qualities that must be instilled in a small leader. 

Independence and responsibilityWhat is interesting: there is no other without one.

It is impossible to realize the degree of responsibility without being able to make independent decisions. It is impossible to be independent without realizing the full responsibility for each step. Cultivate these two qualities in the child at the same time.

Managerial skillsThe American writer K. Blanchard owns the phrase: "The key to successful leadership these days is influence, not power."

If your child wants to be a leader, he should strive not for power over other people, but for finding tools to influence them. Power presupposes authoritarianism, suppression. And influence is an eco—friendly way to lead people and achieve their goals. 

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To help parents — a collection of fairy tales "How to raise a child as a leader" (Suslin D., Anipchenko A., Bochkov I.). In it you will find 30 instructive stories that will help develop certain qualities in a child — self-confidence, determination, delegation, etc. It is also useful to read the book E.

Istratova "Your child is a leader. How to raise your child correctly" with a detailed analysis of the age aspects of the formation of the leader's personality. And, of course, Tim Elmore's bestseller "Your Child is a leader" with practical recommendations for the development of leadership qualities.  November 10th, 2020 2022-11-27 2020-11-10 Rate the article on a 5-point scale Did you like the article?