The child is afraid to stay alone at home: reasons and tips for parents

It so happens that parents need to leave home, but it does not work out to take the child with them. Most children calmly tolerate short-term separation and even rejoice at the lack of control and the opportunity to spend time the way they want.

But what if the child is afraid to stay at home alone? Let's figure it out.Why children are afraid of loneliness

The fear of being alone even for a short time can be associated with such reasons:

1. A child cannot be without his mother for a long time. When the mother is out of the baby's access zone, that is, he does not feel her presence, he feels anxious.

The physical breakup with mom provokes not a conscious thought, but a deep emotional impulse. This is typical for children younger than 3-4 years. 

Separation from mom is perceived negatively at the level of instinct. Such emotional outbursts delay the maturation and development of children. And, of course, they cause discomfort to parents who are forced to always be in the baby's field of vision. Also read: Where to put the child if the mother works2. Unwillingness to increased responsibility.

 Leaving the child alone, parents want to bring up independence and independence in them.

But then they wonder why a 5-year-old child is afraid to be alone. The answer is simple: he is not ready for this. 

Next to adults, he is comfortable and safe, and alone is dreary and scary. He understands that it is necessary to do something very difficult: literally, to take care of himself. But he doesn't know exactly how to do it yet. 

Psychologists recommend not to leave children under 7-8 years old alone. Do you want to learn how to raise a child so that he is not afraid of responsibility and is more independent?  Then register - for Dmitry Karpachev's free online master class "What every parent should know". 3. Separation as a punishment.

 If the parents practiced such a type of punishment as a time-out (when the child is taken to another room to think about his behavior), then loneliness for him may be associated with punishment.

It will not be easy to break this stable connection, because for several years time-out has been an effective tool to calm the baby down. And now the duration of the pause has increased, and even mom is not just in the next room, but she is not at home at all. 

4. Children perceive time periods differently.Not at all like adults, because they feel the passage of time differently.

What is only half an hour for an adult, is a temporary gap for a child. During these few tens of minutes, an adult can only cook scrambled eggs, and a child will do a lot of things, get dirty, get tired and even fall asleep. 

Remember how your baby reacted when you picked him up from kindergarten last. Surely he was complaining or even throwing tantrums because of your 5-minute delay. Because each of these minutes was filled with dreary expectation and dragged on endlessly. 

By the way, the constant lateness of parents can cause unwillingness to attend kindergarten. 

5. Rejection of loneliness.It's not that loneliness causes fear.

Rather, it is about the rejection of this condition. A child may not be afraid to stay without a mother at all. But it is unbearably difficult for him to be alone — boring, uninteresting.

But at what point does fear arise? Having experienced mom's departure from home several times, the child is afraid of repeating this dreary pause. The expectation of imminent loneliness upsets and scares him. 

6. The child thinks that he has been abandoned. And not abandoned forever, but just temporarily ignored.

Staying at home alone, he feels himself not involved in the troubles and affairs that adults are busy with. They have their own affairs, and the child has only silent contemplation of the slammed door. 

But in most cases, a child can make an excellent company — both during a visit to the dentist and on a grocery shopping trip. Therefore, if there is the slightest opportunity not to leave him alone at home, it is better to use it. 

7. Feeling insecure. It occurs when there is no trusting relationship and emotional intimacy between the child and the parents.

And trust in mom and dad is based on a whole range of children's emotions — feelings of comfort and security, harmony and peace. 

The little man is in a state of chronic stress, and forced loneliness only aggravates it.

8. Intimidation. Mom used to scare the child with a Babaika so that he would fall asleep as soon as possible.

Dad threatened that a crocodile would come out of the closet if the baby climbed to the shelves. And my grandmother told me that a Kikimora lives in the bathroom, so it's better not to mess with water. 

I wonder how a child after all this is not afraid to be alone, and not just in the house, but even in his room? Moreover, children can carry these fears through their entire lives — imposed images of monsters will result in all kinds of phobias. 

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9. Fear of fire, flood, earthquake.

If parents do not monitor the purity of the information background in which the child grows, they risk encountering neurosis from scratch.

Adults do not notice the TV on, which broadcasts the news — one is scarier than the other. They go about their business, and the child is all on the mind. Later, when he is alone, terrible images of fires and destroyed houses will pop up in his memory. How can there be no fear? 

10. Diseases of the nervous system. The fear of being alone can be a manifestation of various diseases of the nervous system or mental disorders.

Therefore, it never hurts to show the child to a neurologist, a psychotherapist. If there are no problems according to their profile, then the problem is purely psychological. Parents will have to solve it on their own or contact a psychologist.

A clear plan of action is the best cure for fearThe main reason why a 6-7—year-old child is afraid to be alone is the uncertainty that he will cope in case of force majeure.

If the younger children are not yet aware of the danger of all kinds of situations that can happen in the absence of their parents, then the older ones are already well aware. They know what a fire is and how quickly smoke spreads through the apartment... Therefore, their fear has already left the plane of the irrational — they are afraid of very real things. 

The task of parents is to give clear instructions before leaving, how to act in a given situation: The child must have a means of communication: a phone, tablet or computer with messengers.

1.  
2. Add people to your contact list who the child can call if you don't hear his call or your phone runs out. These can be grandparents, friends of the child and their parents, godparents and other people from the inner circle.
3. Do not forget to top up the account on the child's phone, do not turn off the Internet while you are leaving.
4. Hang a list of emergency numbers on the refrigerator: police, ambulance, rescue service, etc.
5. Get to know the neighbors so that in a critical situation the child can turn to them for help.
6. Work out scenarios of behavior in different situations: the outlet is smoking or sparking, there is a smell of gas, there is a strong thunderstorm outside, etc. Write down the algorithm of actions on a piece of paper, put it in a prominent place. 
7. Lock the door with all the locks when you leave. But the child should be able to leave the apartment.
8. If there is a knock on the door, you should never open it. It is also dangerous to report that parents are not at home. The optimal phrase is: "Dad is at home, but he is sleeping, and I can't call him." 
9. Sometimes attackers can pre-call the intercom and ask to call adults to the phone. The child should ask to call back later, because, again, Dad is sleeping. Then you need to contact your parents and tell them about the call from a stranger. 
10. Set prohibitions: do not pick up matches / lighters, do not go to the window, do not go out on the balcony, do not swim in the bathroom while parents are not there. 
11. Remove potentially dangerous objects from the child's field of view. 

Home alone: tips for parentsSo that the children can safely stay at home alone and not be afraid, be sure to inform them how long you will be away.

Set an alarm for the time of your return and try to make it or at least call home before the signal. And in general, call periodically. Every half hour- an hour — as long as the child needs to feel safe. 

You can install a video camera in the room or simply contact by video. Let the child put the phone on the table and go about his business — the mother will be invisibly present, and the fear will be removed by hand. 

Leave the children with something to do: an interesting cartoon or movie, homework, an exciting game, a puzzle or a book. It is also important not to make fun of the child's fears, especially in front of other people. To mock in the style of "Masha is still small, she is even afraid to stay at home alone" is unacceptable! So an ordinary child's fear can be turned into a psychological trauma. 

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If a child is afraid to stay at home alone, but parents have to leave him, then it is better not to leave immediately for a long time, but to practice a little. On the first day, leave for 10 minutes, on the second — for half an hour, then — for an hour, two, etc. 

Be sure to praise the child for his patience and do not forget to bring sweets. Then your absence will be associated with pleasant surprises on your return, which means it will be perceived much more calmly.