Pros and cons of strict parenting

What do Mozart and Beethoven have in common, apart from the fact that they were both great composers? In the context of the topic of this article, it is not difficult to guess the answer — they both grew up in strict, authoritarian families. Admiring the genius of these people, we can conclude that their parents did the right thing by literally forcing their sons to actively engage in music from an early age.

So parental perseverance led young talents to success.

Why is the authoritarian style of upbringing perceived by modern society as something negative, outdated and ineffective? Let's figure it out. 

Also read: What not to tell a childFeatures of authoritarian upbringing

If you decide to raise children in strictness, we advise you to study in detail the signs of authoritarian upbringing:

Authoritarian parents take care of their own authority in the eyes of the child.

1. It is important for them to be a role model so that no one doubts their rightness and does not ask for alternative options for parental decisions. They have the right to the last word in any conflict, their opinion is usually decisive. 
2. Such parents always know better what is good and what is bad for their children. They have a rich life experience, a wide social circle, great opportunities and a stable social status. They are the mainstays of society, they are respected, which means they believe that they know more than others and can control the course of events.
3. Authoritarian parents see the continuation of their own exclusivity in their children. They simply cannot have untalented, lazy, ugly and unsuccessful offspring.
4. Strict upbringing does not involve taking into account childhood and adolescent crisis periods, weaknesses, subjective experiences. All this seems insignificant compared to the global goals that are set for the child.
5. Poor grades at school are not a reason for authoritarian parents to reproach a child with a lack of mental abilities. The only reasonable reason for failure, in their opinion, is laziness and lack of diligence in studies.
6. Such parents do not accept any half measures and mediocre results. For them, you are either the winner (with the maximum result) or the loser.
7. Another distinguishing feature of authoritarian parents is planning the future of their children. They know in advance which university they will enter and which specialties they will choose. And they are very upset if everything goes wrong as planned. 

Advantages and disadvantagesTo understand how authoritarian parenting affects children, we suggest you evaluate its advantages and disadvantages.

Keep in mind that some educational measures may have long-term consequences, that is, they may not bring results immediately, but after many years. 

«+»Academic success. 

With strict parents, children always or almost always demonstrate significant academic achievements.

The child is simply not given the opportunity to do something other than study, presenting it as the only and non-alternative option for self-realization and achievement of goals.

And even if at first children rebel, try to find time for rest, friends and gadgets, over time they gradually get involved in active study. Subject to vigilant parental control, of course. 

This is interesting: the statistics of the International Program for the Assessment of Educational Achievements of Students (PISA) show that the most outstanding results are among children from China and other Asian countries, as well as among US citizens of Asian descent. The fact is that in Asia, the traditional parenting style is authoritarian. In Chinese families, the priority activity of a child is considered to be studying, and parents put forward strict requirements for its results. 

Self-confidence.Paradoxically, it is strict parents who bring up self-confident people.

After all, if the child is not broken by strict orders and total control at home, then he will perceive all the difficulties and limitations of independent life more steadfastly. Such a high school instills the ability not to give up before life's difficulties and literally gnaw out the desired result with your teeth. 

Self-control.Suppression of their desires is the first thing that children of strict parents learn.

They are very good at falling asleep when they don't want to sleep at all. They easily refuse to hang out with friends. They do what is expected of them, not what they really want. A high degree of self—control will be useful to them in adult life - in work and raising their own children.

Responsibility. Children of strict parents are able to take care of themselves, can cook, can take care of clothes, manage pocket money and keep order in the room.

They learned all this thanks to the exactingness of adults. Authoritarian parents set feasible tasks for their children and control their implementation. This helps to develop responsibility for your own actions and their results. In adulthood, such a skill will help to avoid many mistakes, make correct and informed decisions, and be a reliable and reasonable person. 

«—»Tendency to depression.

Children growing up in an atmosphere of total control, excessive demands and pressure from parents are more susceptible to the development of mental disorders.

Clinical psychologist from the USA Laura Markham in her book "Peaceful parents and happy children" writes that excessive strictness of the mother or father causes a feeling of loneliness in the child — he will have to stand alone against the onslaught of adults. Such children have a feeling of insecurity about their own importance, that their parents love him. He does not feel affection for them, does not feel like a member of the family. 

Rebellion. In order not to cause dissatisfaction with parents, the child tries to behave as required of him, suppressing his true impulses and desires.

However, at times the motivation to be a good girl weakens, and even the fear of punishment cannot stop them. Then comes the period of rebellion. It can be either light and have minor consequences, or protracted, large-scale. For example, in the form of leaving home, ending any contact with relatives, early marriage / pregnancy, addiction to alcohol or drugs.

Closeness and conservatism.Living in constant restrictions, the child gets used to the fact that nothing depends on him, adults decide everything.

He loses the breadth of thinking, sees only imposed ways, unwittingly refusing the opportunity to live differently from how his parents lived. Such a person has emotional detachment, because he simply does not have the experience to express his feelings, to share them with others. 

Aggressiveness. There are two types of aggressive behavior — physical and psychological.

The first is expressed in the physical impact on others — blows, pushes, slaps, etc. The second is moral violence in the form of reproaches, ridicule, sarcastic comments, etc. Adherents of strict upbringing often use methods of aggressive influence to achieve complete obedience from children. Is it any wonder that years later they demonstrate excellent mastery of their parents' tools.

Alienation.In adult life, children of authoritarian parents rarely communicate with their family.

While they are small, such a model of relations seems to them to have no alternative. But as soon as their life experience shows that it happens in a different way, the growing discontent inside will inevitably spill out - the communication of adult children with authoritarian parents either stops altogether, or is of a formal nature. There is no question of any spiritual closeness, although at the same time relatives can sincerely love each other, but in some specific sense. 

Distorted views of the world.A child brought up in strictness is callous to the emotions of others, has a low level of empathy, in his arsenal are tools for influencing others based on fear, pressure, aggression

. He does not know how to build friendly, loving, trusting relationships. Demands obedience to its rules, and in case of refusal is in sincere confusion.

*****

Having chosen an authoritarian model of education, it is worth soberly assessing its advantages and disadvantages. Adhere to the rule of the golden mean, do not overdo it with rigor and restrictions. Use softer methods of influence, encourage the child for achievements, express your love. And remember that it's never too late to change your approach to parenting if the interim results were not what you expected.