Influential babysitters: how to protect your child

When looking for a nanny for a child, parents often draw in their mind the image of an intricate Mary Poppins or a vigilant Miss Bok. For some reason, fictional characters are perceived only in a positive context. Well, who wouldn't want a young, energetic girl to teach dancing and good manners to their children? Or for a caring nanny to bake fragrant buns, sit down to dinner on time and keep order in the house? 

Each of us has our own ideas about what a nanny should be. But it is worth moving away from stereotypical images and analyzing reality, as a not so rosy picture emerges. What hidden threats does the decision to bring an outsider into the house and entrust him with the upbringing and care of children? Consider in this article. 

Also read: The child does not let go of mom: what to do? 6 stepsThe fall of parental authority

The family finally finds the perfect babysitter in every sense, and after a few months decides to say goodbye to her.

Why? The fact is that a babysitter can negatively affect parental authority. She:spends almost all the time with the child, becoming a significant adult in his eyes;

• actively entertains, plays, amuses the ward, which, as a rule, parents who are tired after work do not do;
• she may be younger than her parents, more energetic, interesting, modern;
• she never resorts to punishments and moralizing, so communication with her is always positive.

Is it any wonder that over time children feel confused — they love their parents, but they have closer contact with the nanny. Who should I prioritize? This confusion can turn into a complete rejection of parental authority by the child. 

Ignoring the interests of the childA babysitter, similar to a Miss Bok, is the quintessence of a formal approach to work.

Once upon a time, she was taught how to handle children, and she has been practicing these methods throughout her career. And it does not matter that modern models of education are already radically different: an individual approach is important for children, respect for their desires, freedom of choice and self-expression, the opportunity to do their favorite things, etc. A real "homeschooler" considers all this pampering. A good child, in her opinion, should sit in a corner with a book. 

And if from the parents' side such an approach does not seem to be something terrible - the child is looked after and fed, the lessons are done, everything is fine. Then for children, such a "supervisor" is a traumatic factor that they have to put up with every day. 

Children of such nannies quickly learn to push their interests into the background in favor of the regime, formal approach and army drill. An overbearing nanny is a disaster. Is this what the parents wanted?Find out how to choose the optimal parenting method that is right for your child? Then register for FREE - for Dmitry Karpachev's free online master class "What every parent should know". The nanny's departure is an irreparable loss

There are babysitters who literally fill the entire space of the house.

They easily accept additional responsibilities, often without even demanding a salary increase. They are keenly interested in family affairs, and even participate in conflict resolution. They can easily solve any household issue, even if there is an appropriate staff for this. 

Such nannies become one of the integral factors of the family's existence. They keep a lot of important things, they do not lose sight of anything and do not forget. Just perfect helpers not only with children, but also in the whole house. 

But there is also a side effect of her presence — this is the complete helplessness of parents if supernanny suddenly decides to leave the family. As a rule, such people know their worth, are highly qualified and do not hesitate to look for work on more favorable terms. And when she is, nothing will keep the nanny from being fired. How the family will cope without her services is of little concern to her.

Playing a bad actorThere are women who only play the role of a good nanny.

They are absolutely not interested in the child, his needs, interests and conversations. The most important thing is to sit out the required number of hours and go home as soon as possible. Yes, such a nanny will feed the child, walk with him, do homework. But without the desire to establish contact and help, teach, explain. 

The only situation in which the nanny becomes animated and begins to try is when the parents are nearby.

She addresses the ward in a sweet voice, flatters her mother, is emphatically polite to dad. Such a transformation becomes part of her daily performance, and the child gets a bad example. 

Direct sabotage: real casesLast year, there was a high-profile lawsuit in South Carolina (USA): the parents of a 4-year-old boy sued a nanny who, in their absence, gave the baby a sedative "Xanax" to make him fall asleep.

This went on for a long time, until one day the nanny messed up with the dosage and the child became ill. Already in the hospital, it turned out that he was fed a sedative every time the nanny needed to leave or just wanted to rest. 

In Kharkiv, a babysitter beat a 14-year-old girl with cerebral palsy. Moreover, this was far from a random person in the profession — 20 years of experience in medicine, excellent recommendations, a pleasant, endearing character… The child's mother was able to suspect something was wrong only six months later, when abrasions began to appear on the girl's body.

Such cases are by no means uncommon, and leaving with an outsider your most valuable thing — a child — there is a risk of causing him not only psychological, but also physical trauma. Unfortunately, the monster babysitter is also found. 

How to protect yourself from the influence of an overbearing nannyIt is much easier to dot the "i" even at the stage of choosing a nanny: to designate rules, accents and unacceptable things.

But what if the nanny is already working, there are no global claims against her, but alarm bells have begun to appear? Follow our tips to :If you notice that the nanny devalues your parental authority, it is necessary to radically change the format of cooperation:

1. parents are the main ones in the family, the nanny is only a significant adult. All fundamental decisions are made by parents, they have the last word. It is important to observe subordination, not to touch on those issues that are not included in the area of responsibility of the nanny, to observe friendly, but still working relationships. Then the child will not confuse the nanny with his closest relatives. 
2. The nanny-supervisor can either be dismissed, or limited to a clear framework of competence. If you come across an overbearing nanny and her authoritarian style suits you in general, discuss the boundaries of what is permissible, prohibitions and the degree of freedom of the child. Literally write down the daily routine, allocating time for rest and gadgets (recommended up to 30 minutes). per day), and for doing nothing.
3. Indifferent babysitters are good only when the child is old enough to occupy himself on his own. He does not need a buffoon and a governess in one person, he perfectly organizes his leisure time. The main thing is that there is an adult nearby who will take you to a circle and warm up the food. For kids, such a nanny is unlikely to be suitable, because they need increased attention, training, development. 
4. Sabotage from the nanny is a weighty reason to part with her. No apologies, promises and remorse will help here, because if a person allowed himself to cross the line of adequacy in relation to someone else's child once, then what will stop him in the future? 
5. So that the child does not confuse the nanny with her mother, she needs to try to allocate time as often as possible to communicate with him. To be around not only on holidays, but also in sad moments — during illness, when the baby is upset about something, etc.. No nanny's professionalism can compete with the sincere love of a loved one, and the child is well aware of this.

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The power of a babysitter in a family can vary from minimal to unlimited. And it depends only on the parents what it will be like. The right choice of a babysitter at the interview stage, the ability to delineate boundaries and build working relationships is the key to successful cooperation and a comfortable childhood for your child.