Parents "hang out" on the phone − how it affects their children

The Internet has freed up a lot of time for us — no need to go to the library for an encyclopedia to find out the meaning of a word, or call a friend in search of a brand new recipe. You can shop without leaving home, chat with friends from distant countries and even visit a doctor remotely. It would seem that we should spend all this free time on the most important things — for example, on our children… But no. 

Why do we prefer to sit in social networks or play games on the phone, and at this time our children suffer from loneliness? Let's figure it out. Diving with your head

Surely you know the age norms for the use of gadgets by children.

And, most likely, you control that the child does not exceed them. But have you noticed how much time you spend with your phone, laptop or tablet? 

There is not even a calculation needed here, the only question is whether there is a problem. If you pick up the phone to call, send a message or Google useful information, everything is fine. If you check the Facebook feed and messengers every 5-15 minutes, follow the channels in Telegram and likes on Instagram — congratulations, you are addicted. 

K. Murashova 's experimentDiving headlong into the online world becomes a real problem - a person cannot live even half a day without a gadget.

This statement was confirmed by the experiment of psychologist Katerina Murashova. She gathered a group of 68 teenagers aged 12-18 and invited them to spend 8 hours without gadgets. At the same time, other entertainment was available — board games, books, musical instruments, walks. 

Let's just say that only 3 people reached the end of the experiment. The rest began to drop out after several hours of "torment". A third of the children had vegetative symptoms: chills, sweating, fever, palpitations. The subjects felt fear, the approach of a panic attack, three people even had suicidal thoughts. As a result of the experiment, the serious dependence of the younger generation on gadgets was confirmed.

But in a few years they will become parents themselves…

Where does Internet addiction in children come fromIn early childhood, everything that mom and dad do is right, useful, healthy.

A child up to a certain age perceives parents as gods. They are the whole world for him — the only and main teachers, assistants. The baby actively learns speech, gestures, facial expressions of parents. Copies their movements, tries to do the same as they do. This is how he develops and masters the world around him.

Also read: Japanese Parenting System

Is it any wonder that as a result of contemplating the dad buried in the phone, the child will also soon become interested in the gadget. Is Dad ready to look at the phone for hours? So there's something interesting there!

"I can, but you can't"It is this statement that is demonstrated by the hypocritical attempts of parents to limit the communication of children with gadgets.

Why hypocritical? Yes, because adults are not in a hurry to limit themselves. It turns out to be very difficult — not to scroll the feed, not to update the page of a news site, not to chat in chat rooms. But it is possible to impose restrictions on a child using an authoritarian parental position. Covering it with worries about his health, of course. 

In fact, this is only an appearance.

The real concern is when parents show by their own example that it is possible to live perfectly without constant access to the Internet.

You can be an active, modern, developed person, but do not pick up the phone unless absolutely necessary.

Disadvantages of multitaskingThe achievements of the digital world make life much easier, but at the same time they introduce a person into a state of multitasking.

We are used to doing several things at once — texting with a friend, cooking, playing with the baby. And against this background, you can also watch your favorite TV series. The load on the brain, which needs to process everything that is happening to you at this moment, is enormous. This inevitably leads to stress, to a feeling of emptiness, fatigue. 

But children suffer the most from your multitasking. The son shows you a painted pirate, he waits for approval and delight, and in response receives an absent-minded smile and a sign with his fingers "Class!". All? And that's why he tried so hard? Mom didn't even put aside her business to evaluate her son's drawing. Sadly. 

The child eventually realizes that it will not work to attract the attention of his mother by dancing a beautiful dance or making a figure out of plasticine. Therefore, he chooses another way — to get hysterical, make noise, break something. And all for the sake of just paying attention to him. 

Parents are tired of the child's bad behavior, and they subconsciously want to hide somewhere. The easiest option is to get into the online world again. Physically be present next to the child, but at the same time distract a little from his whining.

It turns out a vicious circle:Gadget → Child hysterical from lack of attention → Gadget 

Breaking it will help to exit the multitasking state.

Distribute the tasks by time or do at least 2 things together, not 4.

Gadgets are the "killers" of communicationIn 2018, a survey was conducted among 800 schoolchildren on the topic of their communication with their parents.

It was found that despite the fact that 75% of children consider their relationship with their family to be close enough, it is too early to draw optimistic conclusions. 

Only 8% of children reported that they do not consider their relationship with their relatives to be trusting. And those who answered that everything was fine, later admitted that it was not easy for them to answer honestly.

Even in an anonymous questionnaire, teenagers were ashamed to admit that their parents didn't talk to them much, weren't interested in their affairs or worries. It's embarrassing to admit this not only to outsiders, but even to yourself. 

When asked by a psychologist what they would like to change, the children replied that it was useless, their parents would not change. 

Do we love phones more than kids?This idea sounds strange, but it is quite true.

In 2011, Danish marketer Martin Lindstrom conducted a study of the effect of a smartphone on the brain. It was found that when interacting with a gadget, the same part of the brain that regulates feelings of love and compassion is activated in a person. 

It's amazing, but we are really in love with our gadgets. And if at the moment we are with them, and not with our children, then who do we love more?

Do not rush to blame yourself, because you are not alone in this problem. Millions of parents around the world succumbed to gadget mania. And the main step on the way to fight it is awareness of the problem. And then you need to take action.

How to Beat Phone/Tablet AddictionYour child will receive the main prize in the fight against gadget mania.

And it will be an invaluable gift — parental attention, which he probably lacks. 

So, we advise you to listen to these recommendations:Gradually increase the number of hours spent without a phone, computer or tablet.

1. Start at 1 o'clock. Add half an hour or an hour every day. In two weeks you will be able to do without gadgets most of the day. Perfectly! 
2. If you are working and cannot close your computer or disappear from the access zone, try to organize gadget starvation on weekends, on holidays and in the evenings (after work).
3. Remove yourself from social networks. To all the people you need, whom you don't want to lose sight of, send a contact in any convenient messenger. Rid your virtual space of distractions. 
4. Unsubscribe from news channels, websites with push notifications, set up a hard spam filter in the mail. Even during working hours, try not to be distracted by empty, unnecessary information — save your emotional resource, because those who need it are waiting for you at home.
5. Try not to go online when there is a child next to you. If he is busy with his business in another room — great, you have a minute to check the messenger. If he is nearby, stay "on this planet", that is, without a phone in your hand.
6. Arrange gadget-free zones at home. It can be a nursery or a kitchen, a living room — any place where it is strictly forbidden to enter with a phone, tablet or laptop. This is a territory for communication and pleasant pastime. 
7. Show your children that the virtual world cannot replace the real one. Spend as much time together as possible, walk, get to know nature, play, dance, listen to music — these are the things that fill the piggy bank of memories, and not scrolling the feed in the social network. 

*****

Getting rid of Internet addiction is very difficult. There will be disruptions, attempts to justify the gadget in the hand by objective necessity, little tricks when the decision to poke the tablet to the child is served as his own desire to watch cartoons… But don't stop. You have set a noble goal, and your child will definitely appreciate these efforts. May 25, 2020 2022-11-26 2020-05-25 Rate the article on a 5-point scale Did you like the article?