Japanese parenting system

The system of parenting in Japan is called the general term "ikuji". This is a whole set of pedagogical techniques and principles based on the idea of guiding a child (a child of the Sun) on the right path of life. The system has a threefold structure — three stages of personal maturation and, accordingly, three approaches to education.

Let's consider each of them, as well as the pros and cons of the ikuji technique in general. 

From 0 to 5 years: the Emperor childKids in Japan are treated with true reverence.

It is believed that a child is not just a gift from God, but an incarnation of God on earth. The very fact of pregnancy means great happiness. Traditionally, a Japanese woman is considered fulfilled only when she gives birth to a child. For a man, it is a great grief not to have heirs.

The birth of children is the blessing of the familyJapanese women get pregnant consciously, children are very desirable.

With the appearance of a baby, the status of the family increases, and the life of a young mother is completely subordinated to a crumb. The contact of the mother with the child is of great importance. The Japanese don't even have the word "mother". They call mom a more capacious concept — "amae", which means affection, patronage.

The mother pays all her attention and time to the needs and desires of the baby.

GW continues as long as it will be necessary. Even despite the official recommendations of Japanese doctors to breastfeed up to 8 months. To do homework, moms use special slings that allow you to place the baby on your back. 

The little "emperor" is involved in the affairs of the family. They play with him, walk with him, go to visit. As a rule, mothers do not entrust children to grandmothers and do not take them to the garden until they are 3 years old. Accordingly, going to work before this age is also unlikely. The father of the family necessarily takes part in education, but more often on weekends. 

No restrictionsDespite the fact that children under 5 years old do not know the words "impossible" and "no", they are extremely capricious.

Why be naughty if everything is allowed anyway?

The child's curiosity, interest in objects and people is only encouraged, even if they are someone else's things.

No one will ever think of taking a favorite object from the hands of crumbs. On the contrary, adults with admiration note the interest of the child, encourage his cognitive activity.

If a baby falls, gets hurt, gets scared, the mother will never punish him. On the contrary, she will comfort and ask for forgiveness for not keeping track, not saving. Next time, she will gently remind you what the baby's actions may turn out to be, and will carefully monitor so that he does not harm himself. 

Up to 5 years old, children grow up in an atmosphere of love. For parents, they are perfect, the most beautiful and the smartest. They form a stable concept of their irreplaceability.

From 6 to 15 years: a servant childA child's life changes dramatically from the age of 6.

He ceases to be a "deity". Passes to a new status with the contradictory definition of "servant". But do not take this term literally. It's just about the appearance of rules and restrictions — a novelty in the life of a child who grew up in permissiveness. 

The role of the community in children's livesThe accents of education are shifting from the individual to the general.

The child goes to school, where he is taught concepts such as society, the collective, the value of communication. Japanese schoolchildren are taught to prioritize the interests of the community, even if they go against their personal views and desires. Such a model of relationships developed many centuries ago, when in order not to starve, the community must work harmoniously and responsibly. And everyone in it fulfilled their role, was a cog in the general mechanism.

Modern society in Japan is built on this principle: a high level of social responsibility and communication, the ability to organize collective activities and achieve results together. And social alienation is perceived by the Japanese as a punishment. Also read: Why and how to teach a child to lose 

Struggle with personal attachmentsIf a child was a continuation of his parents before the age of 5, then from the age of 6 he is taught to find his place in the children's collective.

Group consciousness "works" in all spheres: education, sports, leisure. Everywhere the rules of behavior and interaction with other children are explained to the child. And he is obliged to follow them, putting the success of the microgroup higher than his own achievements.

In order to avoid personal attachments, kindergarten teachers and children in groups are regularly changed. At school, students are shuffled every year to form new teams. There is even a practice where children are given the opportunity to write with whom they would like to study next year, and with whom they would prefer not to overlap. But these wishes are not always taken into account, because the goal of teachers is to teach children to interact with each other, regardless of personal likes / dislikes.

From the age of 15: equalityThe Japanese believe that from the age of 15 a child becomes a full-fledged member of society, a mature person.

The relationship with the teenager is based on the principles of equality and respect. He can already make independent decisions, he is given the right to choose and the opportunity to determine his future fate. Parents can gently prompt, but do not interfere with the desires of a teenager when choosing a future profession, lifestyle, appearance, etc. 

At the same time, young people are still obliged to adhere to the foundations and traditions of the family and community. 

Gender separationBoys and girls are brought up differently in Japan.

It is believed that they have different social roles and degrees of responsibility. Boys are the continuers of the family, protectors and getters. Girls are the future keepers of the hearth. And if the gender division is practically not applied to young children, then as they grow older, the role of this aspect only increases.

For example, boys are more loaded in their studies, they have a lot of extra classes. Teachers impose stricter requirements on them than on girls. There is also a division in housework — for example, a Japanese person will never mess around in the kitchen or clean the house, since this is considered exclusively women's work.

Negative aspects of ikujiAt first, the child is allowed everything, then they demand complete obedience and following the rules.

This approach can negatively affect the child, and that's why:

✓ The absence of prohibitions expands the boundaries of the baby's world. He is free to do whatever he wants, but at the same time he grows in greenhouse conditions, when there is always a mother nearby who will fulfill any whim.

In relation to other people (especially outsiders), the baby may experience the same feelings: "everyone must obey me." But if this does not happen, the child gets lost, gets angry, and protests. His concept of personal boundaries is blurred. 

✓ The formation of independence is postponed until 6 years. The process of separating a child from his parents starts from about 3 years old.

In Japan, from the age of 6, when it's time to go to school. Moreover, this does not happen smoothly, in a natural rhythm, but abruptly. The baby is literally thrown into the whirlpool of public life, which eventually causes severe stress. He does not understand why yesterday everything was possible, and today — a lot is impossible. 

Overprotection of parents leads to the fact that a child at 6 years old absolutely cannot be called independent. He is unable to stand up for himself and take responsibility for his actions. Yes, he will definitely learn this later, but at the cost of internal conflict. 

✓ The principle of "being like everyone else" negates individuality. In Japanese schools, any attempts by students to stand out, express their own opinion, different from the collective one, are suppressed.

It is believed that such liberties threaten universal discipline. 

Some children easily accept the rules of the game, but there are also those who react painfully to the oppression of personal freedom. Social pressure causes them neurosis, stress. By the way, in Japan, the number of suicides among minors is growing every year. In 2018 - by 33%.

Japanese education: the difficulties of applying the methodologyIf you are inspired by the traditional methods of parenting in Japan, then you may want to apply them to your child. 

What difficulties can you have:All the time, attention, and strength of the mother should be directed at the child.

• You must become his shadow, assistant and constant companion. If you want to be alone, the baby can strongly protest. 
• Others are unlikely to be ready to consider your child an "emperor", to let him do too much.
• The school system of Western countries is aimed at personal development. Whereas the Japanese method of education gives priority to the development of the child in the process of collective activity. Accordingly, it may be difficult for you to find a suitable school.
• It is almost impossible to implement the practice of gender separation while living in a society with Western values. 

Of course, all of these "but" can be solved if you stock up on a theoretical basis and adapt the Japanese method of education to the capabilities of your family.

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Ikuji is a somewhat contradictory system of education, although this is not surprising. It was formed over the centuries, absorbed the traditions of the ancestors and innovations introduced by each generation. Some of her approaches will seem strange to us, but it is not necessary to judge the process, it is better to evaluate the result. And judging by the hardworking, disciplined and talented Japanese, he is very worthy.