How to increase a child's self-esteem

How to increase a child's self-esteem - Psychology, Child and society, Upbringing, Behavior

The child's self-esteem is plastic. In some periods it may grow, in some it may fall. The good news is that it can be raised by correcting the shortcomings of parenting in the past. But at the same time, it is easy to lower it — with wrong words, actions, decisions. What is a child's self-esteem, how do parents influence it and how to increase a child's self-esteem? Read more about this. 

How a child's self-esteem is formedThere are 4 conditional stages of the formation of self-esteem of a child and a teenager:

From birth to two years old.

  1. During this period, the feeling of attachment of the baby to the mother prevails. He perceives himself with her as a whole, so he sensitively adapts to her emotional background. If the mother is suffering and depressed, the baby does not remain indifferent. He expresses his concern by crying, nervousness, downed regime, etc. And vice versa, if everything is fine with mom, the child feels comfortable. The self—perception of the baby depends entirely on the parents - he feels how you treat him and on the basis of this forms a certain attitude towards himself. 
  2. Preschool age — 3-5 years. The crisis of three years is caused by the natural separation of the child from the mother / parents. He feels the need to declare his desires, to take the initiative. Parents need to support and promote the first manifestations of independence.
  3. Primary school age is 6-9 years. The child's social circle is expanding. He learns to communicate with a large number of people, begins to look for his place in the team. School life becomes the predominant activity, and academic performance directly affects self-esteem. 
  4. The teenage stage is 10-15 years. A teenager's perception of himself largely depends on what kind of assessment he receives from others — parents, friends, teachers. Parents need to carefully monitor the environment in which the child is. If it is negative, it is worth taking measures. 

What does low self-esteem in a child lead to?A child who has not been taught by his parents to love and respect himself, to consider his desires and build priorities, is unlikely to be able to have healthy relationships with others.

After all, we are respected and valued exactly as much as we respect and value ourselves.

Also read: How to teach a child to control emotionsA person with low self-esteem does not love himself, does not consider himself worthy of something good, does not see prospects and does not feel the strength to overcome obstacles on the way to the desired result.

He goes with the flow and takes the bad treatment from others as a given.Learn how to raise an independent and confident child - at Dmitry Karpachev's transplant-free online master class "What every parent should know". 

Low self—esteem provokes the predominance of negative self-feelings - guilt, fear, insecurity, shame. Over time, they can degenerate into hostility, aggression. Their own problems are projected onto the environment, and then onto the whole world. The inability to build relationships leads to the absence of friends, family, and a successful career.

How to increase a child's self-esteem

Types of self-assessment of the childTo get to grips with the formation or restoration of a child's self-esteem, you need to know what it is:

✓ Overpriced.

Such a child thinks that he is right in everything, tries to control the behavior of other people, manage the situation. Overestimated self-esteem makes you constantly draw the attention of others to yourself: "I'm so cool, look." The child exaggerates achievements and downplays failures. Jealousy and an aggressive reaction to the successes of other children are possible. 

✓ Understated. The child is anxious, insecure, shy, distrustful. He is constantly waiting for blows — he will be deceived, offended, underestimated, so he builds a conditional wall between himself and others. He rarely takes the initiative, fearing failure. 

✓ Adequate. It is easier and more pleasant to live with an adequate self-esteem. The child believes in himself and his strength. Failures only harden him — he knows that if he tries a little better, he will definitely achieve what he wants. Does not hesitate to ask for help and may well provide it to others. Adequate self-esteem gives a start to the formation of a healthy personality in every sense. 

How to increase a child's self-esteem: 5 waysHere are some ways to raise a child's self-esteem.

These simple tips will be relevant for any age — both for a teenager and for a baby. Adjust only the format of their application.

1. Respect your child. When a child's social circle consists mainly of relatives, their words in his direction contribute to the formation of an image of himself.


"If Mom says I'm pretty, then I'm pretty."

"If Dad shouts that I'm stupid, then I'm really not very smart."

"If Grandma noted that I carefully cut out a snowflake, then I know something."

"If my parents said that I would break something again, it means that I am really clumsy." 

The human psyche is arranged in such a way that any verbal information makes us draw an image in our mind. And if a child is told many times that he is a klutz, a lazy person and a liar, this will firmly stick in his head. The little man will behave according to the imposed role. 

To prevent this from happening, control everything said to the child. And also — do not ignore when he turns to you and demands attention.

The child has low self-esteem

2. Consider his opinion. Do you want your opinion to mean something to the child?

Then take the first step — show respect for his wishes and views. If they go against your plans or values, this is an occasion to reconsider his personal guidelines and attitudes that you have laid down. 

Choose toys and clothes together, plan weekends and vacations taking into account the wishes of the child, be interested in his opinion about the phenomena and events in your life. Let him feel his own worth as a family member.

3. Praise without fear of over-praising.Parental praise means a lot to children.

After all, it is on their approval that the child's assessment of the result depends: "Mom praised, so I did everything right." Praise strengthens self-confidence, opens up new opportunities, motivates further actions.

There is one good phrase: "To praise good deeds wholeheartedly means to take part in them to some extent." Parents who do not skimp on praise for their child, as it were, record his achievements, increase their significance and reinforce the belief that this happened, among other things, thanks to their efforts. Therefore, praising a child is not only useful for him, but also extremely pleasant for parents. Do not deny yourself this little pleasure.

How to increase a child's self-esteem

4. Do not criticize the child. It is better to mark his choice, but at the same time tell him how, in your opinion, it will be even better.

Dry criticism demotivates, makes you doubt your own abilities. Especially if it is expressed in words with a transition to personality: "Why are you running like an elephant." It is better to say something like: "Please walk calmly and put on your slippers so as not to disturb the neighbors from below." The request "not to run" was delivered, and convincingly and correctly, without derogatory treatment. In the first case, we kill the child's self—esteem - he is an elephant, big and clumsy. In the second, we argue why it is not worth running and how to reduce the volume of steps.

Learn more about how to form an adequate self-esteem in your child. Register for Dmitry Karpachev's Free Online interactive. Right now, click on the "Register" button and get a gift. 5. Do not compare the child with other children.

You can praise other children, celebrate their successes.

But without the context of "here you are...". Stand on the same bank with your child, assessing other people on the other side of the river. The right approach to this issue will have a great effect on self-esteem: "If my friend has managed, then I can!". This will inspire confidence in your strength, will be an excellent motivation. If parents make a comparison, emphasizing the shortcomings of their child, it will not bring him anything good. Only envy, a sense of worthlessness and aggression towards the subject of praise. 


It is worth working on a child's self-esteem almost from the very moment of his birth. Think of it as a houseplant: if you don't water it, it will wither. Reinforce an adequate personal assessment of your children with praise, respect and personal example — this is a significant contribution to their happy future. Do you want to know how to help your child increase self-esteem? Dmitry Karpachev's free master class on child age psychology will help you with this. Register using the link.  April 30th, 2020 2022-11-27 2020-04-30 Rate the article on a 5-point scale Did you like the article?

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