The child is afraid: how to calm and comfort

Parents tend to have a frivolous attitude to children's fears. But it's not hard to remember with what caution in childhood we moved around the apartment after watching another horror movie. But if thrillers only tickled our nerves, then true childhood fears that have a real background are an extremely serious thing and does not tolerate parental go—ahead. We will try to figure out what children are afraid of and what to do about it.

The Benefits of fear

Yes, some childhood fears can be beneficial. In the fight against them, the little man develops a number of useful skills — the ability to cope with difficulties, overcome obstacles, self-control, switching attention. It is not the fact of fear itself that is important, but its volume and strength — will the child be able to cope with this burden and will it cause him mental trauma?

It is not always possible for parents to determine the depth of this condition. The reasons for this are distrust of the child, closeness, insufficiently strong emotional connection with relatives.

To help parents — a psychologist or a psychotherapist. Applying the techniques of behavioral therapy of fears, the specialist will identify the main indicators of this condition, determine the form of fear and make a treatment plan.

Read also: Hysteria in a child: what parents should do

Before visiting a psychologist, you need to collect as much information as possible about how your child feels. Try to answer these questions:

1. Is the child afraid of everything or something?
2. How fear manifests itself — the baby closes in on himself or, conversely, overexcitation begins.
3. At what time does the child feel fear — at night, during the day, or without reference to the time of day?
4. Who is there when a child feels anxious?
5. Were there any traumatic factors — shocks, negative events - a few months before the appearance of fears?

Classification of children's fears

Fear to fear of discord — we have already found out. Now we propose to consider the classification of fears in order to understand the typical sources of anxiety in children. To begin with, let's consider two types of fears, which were first mentioned by Sigmund Freud:

• real fears (when there is a source of danger);

• neurotic (when the danger is only in the head).

Harold Irwin Kaplan— an American psychotherapist, gave a similar classification of fears: constructive and pathological. The common thing between them is that fears of the first type (real/constructive) arise to save themselves. The second type has a destructive effect on the psyche.

Fears are distinguished by the form that can transform into one another:

• Anxiety and excitement. When a child feels tense, but he has no objective reasons to be afraid or worry about himself.
• Fear. Occurs when there is a real or perceived threat. The reaction to it can be both passive (not to manifest itself in any way) and active (to run away, scream).
• Horror. The same as fear, but without an active form. The child is terrified, as if paralyzed — can neither move nor speak.
• Panic. In this state, the child loses control of his feelings. His behavior becomes chaotic, without meaning.

An interesting classification is offered by a specialist in stress research Yu. V. Shcherbatykh:

1. Natural. Events that depend on the elements — tsunamis, earthquakes, etc. This can also include the fear of insects, animals.
2. Social. Justified fears of assault, hooliganism, death of relatives.
3. Internal. Fears that depend entirely on the imagination of the child.

Classification of anxiety states will help you to understand more precisely why and what the child is afraid of. Next, you need to choose a tactic of actions in order not just to calm down situationally, but also to eliminate the fear factor in the future.

How to act for parents if a child is afraid: 5 tips

It is difficult to find a universal tactic for dealing with childhood fears. After all, as we have already found out, they have a different nature, they also manifest themselves in different ways. It is necessary to act purely on the situation, but still it does not hurt to know a certain set of techniques.

It's okay to be afraid

You have the right to be scared of something, right? So the child has. Do not blame: "Why are you afraid to sleep in the dark, are you a baby?The kid has every right to be afraid of the dark, loneliness, closed doors, small rooms and a bunch of other things. Adults cherish their fears and proudly call them phobias, come up with wonderful names for them (for example, hapotophobia — fear of touching or philophobia — fear of falling in love). But they prefer to dismiss children's fears or translate them into a joke.

Do not take this lightly, even if the source of fear seems ridiculous to you. Brushing off, you leave the child alone with his problem. And who likes to be left without help in a difficult situation?

Confidential conversation

In ancient Rome there was such a saying: trust obliges to trust. This means that if you want the child to trust you, do the same on your part.

For example, you need to find out what the baby is afraid of, but he won't admit to anything — tell us something about yourself. What the child does not know, something intimate. Let him feel the confidential tone of the conversation and emotionally open up in response. After a heart-to-heart talk, cheer up the child, say that he is doing well, and now you will defeat the source of his fear together. And never risk trust — if you have been asked not to tell anyone else what you have learned, do so.

The benefits of tactile sensations

It has been scientifically proven that during hugs, the hormones serotonin and oxytocin are produced, which improve mood and help in the fight against depression. During an attack of fear, on the contrary, cortisol and adrenaline are actively produced in the body. Neutralize them with "good" hormones — hug the child, calm him down, tell him how much you love him and that he is completely safe next to you. Hugs will allow him to feel your care on a physical level, relieve anxiety and tension.

We express emotions through creativity

There is even a separate direction in psychotherapy — art therapy. At its core is art treatment, a combination of psychology and creativity. This is a great opportunity to express your emotions, draw fears, visualize the "enemy", and eventually defeat him. With the help of art therapy techniques, emotional intelligence develops, the child understands other people and himself better, learns to distinguish emotions and react to them correctly.

Sometimes a simple piece of paper and a pencil can replace a conversation with the most eminent psychologist. Give the child the opportunity to draw what he is so afraid of, and then try to interpret the picture. If you see any funny features in her, pay attention to this baby. Laugh together — it will ease his fear.

Fairy tale therapy

You can save a child from fears with the help of fairy tales. This is especially effective at the age of 2 to 6 years, when a fairy tale is perceived by children as a real story. Let the kid himself become the hero, and the main villain is the source of his fears. For example, if it's a spider, then you can come up with a fairy tale about an evil spider who captured three butterflies. But the valiant hero came to the rescue, cut the web and saved the insects.

The older the child is, the more ornate the plot can be. The emphasis can be shifted a little — the main character will not be a child, but a certain character with superpowers who will save and help in any situation. Play a few typical situations from the baby's life, let him see the similarity and understand that each of them is solvable and not at all scary. And if you need help, there is always a superhero nearby (mom, dad, other family members).

There are a lot of situations in which a child is afraid of something in life. Growing up, he will encounter new stressful factors — and react to them every time.

Do not be a passive observer of this process, stay close, offer help and support the child's confidence that you are his reliable rear and protection. And then no fears will become an obstacle to his happy, fulfilling life.