Top 20 Parenting Tips

Nobody teaches us to be parents. In schools for expectant mothers, they tell how the baby is being carried and what to do in the first months of his life. But the most difficult thing — how to properly raise a child — remains at the discretion of parents. And often it turns out two extremes: some delve into the topic, read teachers' books and build their lives around the interests of the child, while others are frivolous, they say, we somehow grew up and they will grow up.

A healthy approach is always somewhere in the middle — not to get hung up on your motherhood /fatherhood, but also not to let down the brakes on the situation when you need to take action.

The Three biggest Mistakes in Parenting

1. Overprotection and hypercontrol.

The American website UNILAD published a study that found that older people (from 55 years old) are generally more independent than people from 25 to 33 years old. For example, 58% of senior respondents know how to remove a stain from clothes. Whereas in the millennials' camp there are almost half as many — 31%. About the same gap in the questions of how to iron a shirt and how to fix a wheel. What does this mean? Young people do not know how to cope with everyday difficulties, they are extremely dependent on instructions and information from Google.

But the responsibility for education lies not on the child, but on the parents.

It was they who did not allow their daughter or son to solve the simplest everyday tasks, guided by the principle "he will grow up, then he will do it." As a result, their child grew up, but it turned out to be completely unsuited to independent life.

2. Inconsistency of parents' actions.

"When there is no agreement in the comrades, their business will not go well ..." — the relevance of Krylov's fable in matters of education is beyond doubt. If mom forbade playing with food, and dad makes funny figures out of crumb, the baby will learn to ignore not only this prohibition, but also the rest. How, then, to raise an obedient child?

Read also: How to raise a boy: basic tips for raising a son

To form children's responsibility for their actions, we need a clear framework and an adequate response for ignoring them. The lack of feedback or its inconsistency between parents is a signal to the baby that you can not obey. In the future, this behavior will result in a lack of self-discipline and internal control.

The right tactic is to act as a united front for both parents for the upbringing of a decent, full—fledged and mentally healthy personality. Even if there is a situation in which one does not agree with the other, it is not worth showing it to the child. It is better to temporarily agree with a partner, and then, in private, discuss your views and develop a unified approach to how to raise children.

3. Broken promises.

Adults are much easier to treat promises (their own or from other people) than children. We understand that there are different situations, objective reasons, and just "broke out". But children are unlikely to understand that a promise can be made at the moment of an impulse that disappears as quickly as it appears. Verbalization of intentions for an adult is declarative. And for a child, this is almost a fait accompli: dad promised to buy a scooter = dad bought a scooter.

Such confidence does not arise from scratch. We want to be authorities for our children, so that our words have a certain value for them. But what is the value of empty promises?

The ability to always fulfill what is promised from the perspective of a relationship with a child is a powerful foundation for the formation of such concepts as responsibility, trust, reputation, reliability and honesty. Therefore, parents should either steadily keep their own promises, or not give them at all.

Read also: How to raise a girl: key questions on raising a daughter

20 tips on how to raise children properly

1. Become friends. Mom-friend or dad-friend is mentally much closer to the child than parents with an authoritarian parenting style. Children will trust you more.
2. Show a personal example. There is a well-known English proverb: do not bring up children, they will still look like you.
3. Love your children, but don't worship them. The child should not be the head of the family and make decisions. This is solely your area of responsibility.
4. Respect the child, his wishes and opinion. If mutual respect reigns in the family, it is much easier to cope with the difficulties of upbringing, especially in adolescence.
5. Live your life, not the life of a child. The moment of separation from mom comes at about 3 years old, do not interfere with it.
6. Cultivate competitive traits. In adulthood, this will help you cope with challenges more easily. The competitive spirit can be trained not only within the children's team, but also in interaction with adults.
7. Let the children be small. Do not overdo with pedagogical techniques and daily high school. Sometimes lying on the grass and fooling around is more useful than the most necessary and important activities.
8. Do not impose your dreams on children. There is nothing worse than loading the burden of your unfulfilled desires on the shoulders of a child.
9. Observe the measure in punishments. Even if you are very upset about the child's misconduct. And even better — let him think for himself how he will bear responsibility for what he has done.
10. Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child. There is a beautiful expression: "I am ready to bow the sky." In the case of children, this is more likely to harm than benefit.
11. Create your own "taboos". In a loving family with a healthy atmosphere, there is no place for humiliation, insults, cruelty, etc.
12. Always keep your word. With every broken promise, the child loses respect for his parents.
13. "Nothing comes from nothing, and the problems of children grow out of the problems of parents," — a quote from the book "Maternal Love" by Anatoly Nekrasov. An invisible trail of his mistakes in the past and problems in the present stretches behind a person. Protect your children from him.
14. Accept your children as they are. Yes, some features can be adjusted. But loving a child with all its shortcomings, mistakes and peculiarities is a great work.
15. Find time to be with your child. In old age, you will not remember how much time you devoted to work / business. But every minute spent with your family will be a pleasant memory for many years to come.
16. Do not divide the children. In families with more than one child, the attitude towards all of them should be equal and absolutely the same. Otherwise, they will carry this injustice through their entire lives.
17. Lying destroys any relationship. Even if the truth is inconvenient, it is too heavy for the child to perceive. It is better to soften, but to say everything as it is, than to deceive.
18. A child is not a deposit in a bank. In old age, do not expect gratitude from your children — if you brought them up correctly, it will be so.
19. Praise the children for any achievements. Even the smallest ones. There is no concept of "over-praise".
20. Let the child climb a tree, fall down and get a bump. The ability to get your own experience from failures is one of the most valuable gifts from parents to children.

If you stick to at least half of these tips in your daily life, you are very likely to achieve success in parenting.

No wonder the famous Polish teacher Janusz Korczak wrote: "Don't torture yourself if you can't do something for your child, just remember: not enough has been done for the child if everything possible has not been done." August 29, 2019 2022-11-27 2020-03-25 Rate the article on a 5-point scale Did you like the article?