How to raise a boy: basic tips for raising a son

Often in families where there are children of both sexes, adults are genuinely surprised: how did it happen that they were brought up the same way, and the daughter and son grew up completely different? There is one nuance here — yes, the external conditions of children are the same, but the principles of education of boys and girls differ in many ways. Therefore, even if you raise them the same way, the result will be different.

In the article we will try to explain how you can help your son go through a difficult period of growing up and how to grow a real man out of him.

Features of growing up boys: age periods

The age range is very conditional — the boundaries can be blurred due to the peculiarities of character, upbringing, external factors. The child develops at his own pace: some moments he may pass earlier, and some will not grow up to a conscious age.

2-3 years

Babies of the first years of life are just beginning to realize their gender identity. Even without noticing the physiological differences, they subconsciously reach out to the older children of their own sex in the game, because they see differences in behavior, play, and manner of conversation.

Boys at this age have the first signs of self—will, rebelliousness, obstinacy - the notorious crisis of three years is coming. You need to cope with it with cunning and ingenuity. The little rebel does not want to sleep — great, we exhaust him so that he literally falls down without hind legs.

Read also: What is ADHD: causes, signs, how to get rid of, the main myths

4-6 years old

At this age, imitation of men who are in the child's field of vision is very noticeable: dad, brother, grandfather. The boy, like a sponge, absorbs the nuances of their speech and behavior.

It is Dad who teaches the most interesting things: fishing, playing football, fixing a bicycle. Therefore, it is important for a parent to know how to properly raise a son by personal example, and remember that during this period "everything you say will be used against you."

7-9 years old

Junior school is a time of serious trials for a boy. This is a daily study that has fallen with a heavy load, and a strict daily routine, and often difficult relationships with the school staff. If girls are more flexible psychologically, it is easier to adapt to new conditions, then it's not so simple with boys.

Some people feel painfully about changing their social role. The student is just one of many children in the class, he does not receive the proper amount of attention from the teacher, his mother will not come at the first call — he has to solve problems himself. Adaptation is especially difficult for children who have not often attended children's groups before, did not go to kindergarten.

10-13 years old

Entering adolescence occurs in parallel with the formation of persistent interests and habits. There are real hobbies, hobbies. Remember how a seven-year-old easily changed mugs without staying in each for more than a month. After 10 years, his attention is usually concentrated around 1-2 areas: sports and music, hobbies and active leisure.

Joint hobbies are one of the connecting links between parents and children in a crisis period. You will always have common topics, there will be a reason to spend more time together.

14-17 years old

Young men have friends coming to the fore. The authority of parents pales against the background of the environment. Phrases like "Mom, you don't understand anything" appear.

At the same time, the guy grows up sharply, becomes more balanced, thinks about his future profession. This is your point of contact: help him with career guidance, hire tutors, ask about school affairs. Let the temporary detachment in psychological terms does not make a gap between you in the relationship.

Mistakes that parents make

One of the most famous authors who defined the way of pedagogical thinking in the 20th century, Anton Makarenko wrote: "Why do we study the resistance of metals in technical universities, and in pedagogical universities we do not study the resistance of a person when they begin to educate her? But it's no secret to everyone that such resistance takes place."

It is in the perspective of personality suppression that it is worth considering the mistakes of parents in the upbringing of boys:✓ Suppress energy.

You can wonder endlessly how a child can jump for 12 hours in a row and not get tired. Hyperactivity in children is not always associated with neurological diagnoses. More often it's just a character trait. Do not "shush" if the baby is very excited. It is better to switch your attention to some static object, tell us about it, let him ask questions - and take a break.

✓ Consider guilty a priori. Many people live in captivity of stereotypes — boys are more aggressive, unrestrained, can offend. This is partly true: masculinity and rebellious spirit require expression. You can expect pranks, disobedience, protest from the boy. But you cannot impose responsibility for all his misdeeds on him, guided by a gender stereotype.

✓ Overprotective. Parents, and especially mothers, so want to protect the child from everything dangerous. But you need to understand that overprotection is the enemy of comprehensive development. Rigid frameworks deprive children of the most important skill — the ability to live a full life. Later, these frameworks transform into complexes, irresponsibility, helplessness. Do you want it?

7 tips on how to raise a boy properly

1. Build self-esteem

American psychologist William James deduced two basic principles of forming a healthy self—esteem - success / claims. It is possible to strengthen the child's self-esteem by reducing claims ("Well, you did not enter the capital's university, it's okay. But you will study at the local, at the best faculty") or increase the effectiveness of his actions ("I know that you can write a dictation better, prove it"). Both approaches are correct and appropriate depending on the situation.

2. Praise your child as often as possible

It is a mistake to think that boys are less susceptible to praise than girls. All children are equally dependent on the emotions they receive from parental approval. It is necessary to praise not only for significant achievements. It will never be superfluous to celebrate even a small victory: he tied his own shoelaces — well done, washed his plate — good girl.

3. Develop stamina and fortitude

As a rule, these strong-willed qualities are easiest to bring up in a boy with the help of sports. Is the child an extrovert and easily joins the team? Group classes will suit him: football, basketball, hockey. It will be more interesting for an individualist to engage in martial arts, fencing, tennis.

It doesn't matter if finding something to your liking didn't come out the first time. Some people need to try everything to make a choice. Patiently take the child to trial visits and observe his reaction to the coach, the training format. If he runs out of the gym sweating and happy, then this is exactly what he needs.

4. Keep the measure in pity.

A six-year-old runs to you with a bruised knee and cries uncontrollably. What to do? Do not rush to regret, hug and kiss the child. Perhaps at this moment you are missing a very important educational moment — the ability to cope with difficulties on your own.

Of course, it's much easier to cry than to gather strength, wash the wound and ask mom for a patch. Excessive pity for the boy is destructive. It kills self-esteem and the ability to interact effectively with the world. At the same time, your son should know that in case of a serious problem, parents will always help and support. The ability to maintain a balance of pity is worth a lot.

5. Learn to let go and respect.

Remember: we are raising a boy for another woman, who sooner or later will take a more important place in his life. Therefore, you cannot consider yourself and your child as one. This is a separate person, with their own desires, views, opinions. He has the right to protest, inconsistency with your expectations, mistakes without further reproaches. You need to let him stuff his life bumps, which are more valuable than all the parental notations combined.

6. There should be a man in a boy's life.

The role of the father, in the absence of a native, can be performed by any relative. It is not blood relationship that is important, but the experience that the baby will be able to adopt while communicating with a man.

The above-mentioned Makarenko wrote: "Do not think that you are raising a child only when you talk to him, or teach him, or order him. You bring him up at every moment of your life. The child sees or feels the slightest changes in tone, all the turns of your thought reach him in invisible ways, you do not notice them."

Therefore, a personal example is the most powerful educational factor. Dad passes on to his son such qualities as responsibility, balance, prudence, gallantry, determination, justice and respect for other people.

7. Warriors and shepherds.

There is a legend that Genghis Khan divided the male population into two types — warriors and shepherds. The warriors were physically strong, brave, daring. And shepherds are quiet hard workers. In a way, this division is still valid today. It is difficult to expect a fountain of emotions and determination from a phlegmatic introvert in difficult situations. And vice versa — the suppression of one's warrior essence, attempts to live in the image of a shepherd can lead to a surge of aggression.

Parents should understand and accept the biological constitution of their son: he is timid or active, sensitive or rigid, pedantic or sloppy. If any of the personality characteristics strongly affects the child's life (for example, excessive emotionality), you can correct it on your own or with the help of a psychologist.

Probably, every parent would be happy to receive magical advice on how to raise an ideal son in all respects. After all, sometimes you want to believe that there is a universal remedy for all problems.

Alas, but how diverse the world is, so diverse are the people who inhabit it. There are no uniform recipes and there cannot be. Only recommendations that will help in the upbringing of the boy. We hope they will be useful for you.