Sex education of children. What parents should definitely know

"Mom, what is sex?", — the 5-year-old daughter flies into the kitchen and looks questioningly at her mother. And she has round eyes and a complete lack of answers. 

This is a typical situation in families where there is no such thing as "sex education" at all. If up to this point you were just such a family, then our article will help you avoid shocking questions and properly prepare your child for one of the important aspects of adult life. Let's go!

When to start sex education

It is worth talking about sex, genitals and the process of having children when the child himself asks these questions. As a rule, the first interest in this topic arises at the age of 3-4 years. 

But even if the baby is not at all interested in this topic yet, after the crisis of three years, when the child already realizes himself as a separate person, it is still worth having a conversation with him within the framework of sex education.

Prevention of molestationThe baby should know what genitals are, why they are needed.

Why is it not a subject of games, but an intimate area of the body. Be sure to explain that no one has the right to touch this area. If this happens, you need to tell your parents about it as soon as possible.

For girls, the easiest way to explain the boundaries of the intimate zone is as follows: the areas that your swimsuit hides. For boys, respectively, the intimate area is a part of the body that is covered by panties.

Interest in the topic of sex

If younger children are most often interested in pregnancy issues (where did I come from, how was I born, etc.), then with age a new topic arises that is part of sex education — the mechanics, essence and purpose of sex in a person's life. 

Interest in sex appears closer to adolescence. And the ability of parents to communicate honestly and confidentially on this topic is a litmus test that will show how mature and wise they are. 

Read also: How to talk to a child about sexAwkward shrugs, smirks or silences look bad when a child asks the question "What is sex?" or "Why do people have sex?".

If adults can't talk about it calmly and openly, then how will they discuss topics that are much more serious and complicated — alcohol, drugs, suicide, etc.? But the time for such conversations will surely come.

Learn how to talk to a child on complex topics and form trusting relationships with him - at Dmitry Karpachev's free online master class "What every parent should know". Pyramid of Knowledge

Imagine an inverted pyramid divided horizontally into segments — each subsequent one is wider than the previous one. This is how the child's knowledge about sex should be increased. 

To begin with, when the first questions appear, give the child an unambiguous and general answer, without going into details. Over the years, the questions will be repeated, and each time you have to give more and more information. Especially if the child himself wants to delve into the topic of interest to him. 

Here is an example of answers to the most popular question "Where do children come from?":✓ 3 years.

Men and women have fallen in love with each other, and from their love a baby appears.

✓ 5 years. A man and a woman have sexual intercourse, conception occurs, and then a child is born.

✓ 9 years old. A woman's body produces eggs. And a man's body is spermatozoa. These cells occur during sexual intercourse, when conception occurs. An egg fertilized by a sperm cell gradually develops and becomes a fetus. It grows in the uterus and is born in 9 months. 

Why talk to a child about THIS

A convincing reason to tell a child about sex, pregnancy, genitals, etc. is the confidence that he will receive truthful information.

No matter how hard the parents try to get away from the questions, the child will sooner or later get all the answers he needs. And if the source of knowledge is not parents, but outsiders, then it will be impossible to control the quality of the information received. 

The danger of incorrect knowledge:

• the child will be afraid of sex and everything connected with it;
• he will not be able to recognize and repel violence;
• the child develops erroneous beliefs (for example, all girls are turned on sex), which will eventually lead to inappropriate actions.

Sex education and promiscuity — is there a connection?

Parents may be afraid that sex education will lead to sexual promiscuity. In fact, this is a myth refuted by official research. Thus, scientists have proved that the abundance of sexual images and videos in social networks / TV / Internet leads to a decrease in the age of sexual behavior. That is, children start having sex much earlier.

But there is no relationship between the beginning of sexual life and sexual education. Quite the opposite. If a teenager has been getting honest answers to all his questions for many years, then he probably has a habit of getting information from his parents. 

He will be much less interested in finding other sources of information than his comrades, who know nothing about sex, but are very eager to find out.

Sex education: what to talk about 

We have compiled a list of topics that should be discussed with the child. For convenience, we have broken them down depending on age, because, remembering the principle of the inverted pyramid, you need to gradually deepen your knowledge. 

If the child himself clarifies and wants to discuss a topic more widely, do not forbid it. Try to answer all the questions in an accessible form. 

3-4 years As we wrote above, a child at the age of 3 years should know what genitals are.

To begin with, their correct name. And it's better to let it be "vulva" and "penis" than "pisya" and "pisyun". Talk about genitals in a calm tone, without laughing. Make it clear to the child that this is a completely ordinary part of the body — the same as an arm or leg. But due to hygienic and social norms, people hide them with special clothes — underwear. 

Explain the difference between a man and a woman, but do not focus only on sexual characteristics. Gender identity is expressed in different things: men have more developed muscles, they are physically stronger. But women are more resilient — they tolerate pain more easily.

Tell us about the boundaries of personality and the inadmissibility of their violation. In addition to touching the genitals, it is also necessary to control any bodily contact with other people. Tickling or hugging is allowed only when the person himself (the object of bodily contact) is not against it. 

4-7 years old

A child of preschool and primary school age may well understand the basics of the physiology of the organisms of men and women. If the child asks "What is the uterus?", use an accessible explanation: this is an organ that consists of muscles, during pregnancy an embryo develops in it. 

At this age, children actively attend educational and sports sections, a swimming pool. Tell us how to behave properly in the locker room. It is unacceptable to walk naked, to look at other people at the moment when they change clothes. Also, provocative behavior should not be allowed — deliberately showing your genitals, laughing and pointing fingers. 

8-11 years old

At this age, children need to be introduced to the concept of gender and gender. Tell us that people can be heterosexual, bi- and homosexual. Explain that it is unacceptable to condemn and ridicule people for their sexual orientation. 

In puberty, there is a natural desire to study your own body, its reactions. The child does this by means of masturbation. He should know that this is a completely normal, but intimate side of life — you can only do this in private.

Knowledge about the process of childbirth and sex is getting deeper every time. It's time to explain to the child such terms as "ejaculation", "orgasm". 

Learn how to properly communicate with your child at every stage of his growing up. Register for Dmitry Karpachev's free online intensive. Right now, click on the "Register" button and get a gift.

12-14 years oldIn addition to the mechanics of sex, children are beginning to be interested in the moral and social aspects of sexual life: at what age do people start having sex, in what relationships they are in, what is fidelity, betrayal, etc. 

It is worth explaining the essence of monogamous and polygamous relationships, telling about the age of sexual consent, as well as how to recognize verbal and non-verbal signals of a person's romantic interest. 

Teenagers actively show interest in the opposite sex. And they need to be properly prepared for this by telling:

• what is sympathy, how and why it arises;
• what is sexual interest and what is it expressed in;
• what is love, romance, relationship;
• how to communicate your feelings to the object of sympathy;
• is it possible to make a person meet/fall in love;
• where and how to conduct dates;
• is it possible to kiss on the first date and so on.

15-17 years old

It's time for the final stage of sex education — the most difficult topics, the conversation is almost equal, no simplification and smoothing of corners. The child is probably already having sex or planning to do so in the near future. Moves from theory to practice.

Here are the topics worth discussing with him:Contraception — types and benefits of contraceptives, degree of protection, rules of use.

2. Protection against sexually transmitted diseases. What diseases are there and how they can be infected. Consequences of non-treatment (concealment of the fact of infection). The first symptoms.
3. Information hygiene. The danger of sending your own erotic photos to someone on the web (the threat of blackmail). Sexual bullying, online molesters, etc.
4. The influence of alcohol and drugs on the sexual sphere. Threat to health. Removal of moral barriers under the influence of substances.
5. Psychological aspect of the relationship: unhealthy obsession with the object of sympathy, obsessive and unwanted communication, aggression.
6. Violence and ways to avoid it. The practice of negotiating with an insistent demand for sex and a confident refusal. Sexual harassment: signs, correct reaction, responsibility. Direct violence: what to do at the moment of rape, immediate appeal for help, the inadmissibility of concealing the fact of violence. Be extremely frank during conversations on these topics and remember: you are not communicating with yesterday's child, but with tomorrow's adult. 

*****

Sex education is an exam for parenthood. If you cope with it, then your child will have incomparably more chances to grow up as a harmonious person than those who are forced to acquire this knowledge on their own. 

The child is very sensitive to what his parents tell him, which is why you need to keep in touch with him and share your experience. Learn more about how to properly raise a child so that he grows up emotionally healthy. Register for Dmitry Karpachev's free master class on the age psychology of children - follow the link  July 8th, 2020 2022-11-27 2020-07-08 Rate the article on a 5-point scale Did you like the article?