The child has an imaginary friend: what should parents do

The kid points to an empty chair with his finger: "Mom, meet Anton, my new friend." 

Experienced parents will not be confused by the appearance of an imaginary friend in children. But if you have your first child, and you have not heard about this phenomenon before, do not rush to be scared — this is a completely normal stage of imagination development. It occurs in 65% of children of younger preschool age. Let's take a closer look at the reasons for the appearance of invisible companions, and also give advice on what parents should do.

Who is an imaginary friendThe famous cartoon based on the story by Astrid Lindgren colorfully describes this phenomenon in the lives of many children.

The main character — Carlson — is the imaginary friend. By the way, the syndrome of the appearance of invisible friends in a child is named after the charming fat man.

Carlson does not exist in the real world, but it is he who gives the Baby the necessary emotions, communication and support. In life, everything is exactly the same: children use their developed imagination to create fictional friends for themselves. Sometimes it's just fantasy games, and sometimes it's a sign of unmet needs.

Who can become an invisible friendAs a rule, this character is the same sex as the author of the fantasy.

But the age can be radically different (the "friend" is older than the child). Fictional friends can be not only people, but also animals or even inanimate objects that suddenly "came to life" in the imagination of a little dreamer. 

Their relationship is characterized by mutual care, exciting games, but there may be quarrels. If you ask a child to describe his "friend", he will most likely assign him the traits of parents, familiar children or characters from cartoons / fairy tales. 

Adults sometimes may not even realize that their children have imaginary friends. Either a psychologist or a drawing on the theme of friendship will help to detect them, where a little dreamer will surely portray his invisible friend. 

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Carlson Syndrome ResearchResearch on the phenomenon of an imaginary friend began in the 30s of the last century.

Psychologists tried to determine whether Carlson's syndrome affects the child: his understanding of his inner world, as well as the emotions of other people. 

As a result of three years of observation of children who had fictional friends, the Italian scientist J. Mauro revealed a pattern: they are more sincere, emotional, contact and smiling than other children. But at the same time, they do not always have enough information to maintain a conversation on the topic. Most likely, this is due to a lack of experience of real communication with children of their own age.

And more. Some difficulties with communication lead to the fact that a visionary child may occupy a low position in peer groups. And this can affect his self-esteem and social activity. 

The American psychologist Ch . spoke about the special creativity of children with imaginary friends . Best man. He was led to this conclusion by a comparison of two groups of teenagers, divided according to the results of the creativity test. The group with high scores included mostly guys who had fictional friends in childhood.

At what age can an imaginary friend appearChildren's fantasy develops most actively in the period from 3 to 5 years.

And at about this age, abstract dreams get tangible forms in the form of fictional characters.

The degree of detail of the "friend", his behavior and manner of speech depend on the life experience of the author of the fantasy. The child in his illusions recreates what he sees every day. Therefore, often a fictional friend is like two drops of water similar to someone close - both in character and in external description.

Such a friendship lasts from a year to three. Characters can change, disappear and reappear. But by the age of 7, the child moves to a new level of social activity — goes to school, attends clubs, sections. And thus real communication gradually displaces the need for a fictional friend.

Also read: What you need to know about childhood age crises. Crisis of 3 years in a childWhy does a child invent friends for himself

In psychology, an imaginary friend is considered as a sign of a developed fantasy or as a symptom of a lack of attention from relatives, a lack of communication and other important things for a child.

The task of parents is to understand the reasons for the appearance of an invisible companion. 

If this is not a game with imagination, but a departure from reality, then the reason may be:Loneliness.

1. Some children are literally wasting away from lack of communication. Extroverts, active and sociable kids just need company. And if such a child is locked up at home with a grandmother or a nanny, then soon he will find solace in communicating with an imaginary friend.
2. Saving communication. In authoritarian parents, children are accustomed to total prohibitions, pressure, moralizing. It is very difficult to live in such an atmosphere, and it does not occur to me to leave home yet. The only salvation is the presence of an invisible friend with whom you can play and chat at any time. 
3. Substitution. An imaginary friend appears suddenly — like a lifesaver in a critical situation for a child. Suppose the son broke his mother's favorite cup, but is very afraid of punishment. Therefore, he comes up with the idea that it was not him who did it, but his friend Denis. Although everyone understands perfectly well that Denis is just a figment of a child's imagination. 
4. Overprotection. Some parents literally suffocate their children with care. They suppress their "I", impose their desires, restrict freedom. And all this under the sauce of great love and desire to protect the child from the cruel world. To escape from the stuffy embrace of adults, kids create in their imagination not just friends, but entire universes. And they go into them with their thoughts every time they want to take a break from total guardianship. 
5. Hidden desires. The child gives an imaginary friend those character traits that he does not possess. So he compensates for his own shortcomings, tries to get rid of complexes. 

A "friend" can easily protect from abusers, brilliantly performs tricks on a scooter, flies like Superman, and jumps like Spider-Man. Communication with such an outstanding hero inspires a child.

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What to do if a child has an imaginary friend

Some parents treat this with humor, while others get scared and start taking the baby to the doctors.

But it is better to approach the problem constructively and try to determine why the child has an invisible friend.

To do this, carefully ask what is the use of such fantasies. Why would a child need them? Let him tell you what he feels while communicating with a "friend". Ask him to describe his appearance, age, gender and manner of speech. Find out when it appears and when it disappears. The collected and carefully analyzed information will help you understand the reasons for the appearance of an imaginary friend. 

The next stage is to learn how to react correctly to the presence of an invisible character in your child's life. Your child should not be lonely.

1. Even if he doesn't have any friends near his house, find them in the nearest park, at the stadium. The kids quickly get acquainted and take newcomers into the game, so there will be no problems with finding a company. You can also make friends with children who have common interests. For example, during a visit to a club or sports section.
2. Do not ignore children's fantasies. So the child will close even more from you or vice versa — will demand your attention and recognition of the fact of the existence of an invisible friend. It may require separate appliances on the table for him or an additional portion of sweets. Your task is to recognize and stop the manipulation, but without disrespectful words to the phantom friend. 
3. Try not to remind the child about a fictional friend yourself. Allow this fantasy to disappear naturally. But if the kid purposefully tries to involve a "friend" in your conversation, do not forbid doing this. Become a part of their small company, and the child will stop being afraid of your condemnation, which means he will trust you more. 
4. Listen to what the child is talking about with his imaginary friend. For example, if he asks to pick him up from kindergarten, while the character is endowed with special strength and courage, then it is quite possible that he has an offender in the garden. The child cannot resist him himself, and for some reason he did not entrust this secret to you. As a result, I chose the best option for myself — to turn to someone who can protect him. Try to carefully find out who and how offends your son or daughter in the garden. You can also do this in an indirect way — talk to a fictional friend (of course, with the help of a child as an interpreter).
5. If you notice that an imaginary friend appeared to the child after some misdemeanor, do not absolve him of responsibility for what he did. But at the same time, think about whether you are overreacting in education. The child will not just shift the blame on the fruit of his imagination. Perhaps he is very afraid of parental anger and harsh punishments. 

When should I raise the alarmKids with a well-developed imagination see the world in bright colors.

They are very active and sociable, charismatic and emotional. But if the child is too deeply immersed in his fantasies, then they can gradually displace the real world. Then you will have to resort to the help of specialists. 

It is believed that by the age of 6-7, fictional friends go into oblivion. But if this does not happen, you need to consult a psychologist, a psychotherapist. For example, the presence of an imaginary friend in a teenager indicates a recent traumatic experience. And here it is impossible to do without professional help. 

If a child becomes aggressive and angry when he quarrels with his invisible friend, then this fantasy has a destructive effect on him.

Try to switch the baby's attention to something positive, offer to buy a toy, go to visit. Make sure that the child remembers about the fictional friend as little as possible. 

The need for consultation with a psychologist is indicated by significant changes in the child's behavior: he cries more, sleeps worse, eats less. If they coincided in time with the appearance of a phantom friend, then you will have to say goodbye to him. Most likely, there is hyperfixation, when the baby is so absorbed in his fantasies that he is no longer interested in anything else. 

________Show a sincere interest in the fantasies of the baby — this will make you closer and help you understand what is in his head, what he lives and what he dreams about. This is not only fascinating, but also useful for building trusting relationships.