Mother-child relationship: stages and features

The relationship between mother and child has a huge impact on the rest of an adult's life. This article will help a caring mother figure out how to grow a psychologically healthy and full-fledged personality. 

If you read the article from the position of a child, you will find useful recommendations for working on yourself that will help get rid of complexes and psychological traumas acquired in childhood. The relationship between mother and child

First, it is necessary to understand on what principle the mother-child relationship develops.

Let's analyze the main stages by age. It is important to understand that each stage will have to be completed sequentially, no matter how long it takes. Unfortunately, it will not work to skip, replace or rearrange places. 

SymbiosisAt the age of 0 to 7 years, a very strong emotional connection has been established between mother and child.

In fact, they are already two separate people, but they still function as one organism, especially on a psychological level. During this period, it is vital for the child to feel love, which transforms into a sense of security. 

Together with his mother, the child learns basic things, forms an attitude towards people, the world around him and, first of all, to himself. If the baby does not receive enough love during this period, there is a risk of hanging out at the first stage for a long time, and in the future not to live by their own interests and desires, but to continue to do everything to please their mother even in adulthood. It is important to find a balance here, because excessive love and care prevent the child from becoming an independent and independent person.

RebelAge from 7 to 14 years — the start of separation.

There is a discrepancy of views on different issues. Desires that used to be common or similar may now also not coincide. The "rebellion" is characterized by an active defense of their positions and even criticism of their mother. At this stage, it is important for the child to find himself and continue on his own path. 

During the riot, there is an active check of the mother's authority. In conflict situations, it is important not to set endless limits and conditions, but to explain the motives and reasons for their actions. This will help the child to build the right personal boundaries in adulthood. 

SeparationAt this stage, the formation of a personality begins.

If everything goes consistently and correctly, at the age of 14 to 21, a guy or girl acquires inner independence and freedom. At this moment, there is a high probability of the child leaving home, and it is extremely undesirable to prevent this from the parents. At this time, the need for communication decreases. To maintain intimacy is often hindered by resentments and differences in views on key life issues. 

In any relationship between a mother and a child, there is a main point, without which everything is wrong and everything is wrong. What is it about? Watch the video: "The main condition for raising a happy child." Independence

This period lasts from 21 years to the end of life.

At this time, the child understands that mom is a separate person who makes her own mistakes and moves along her own path. At the same time, there is no need to remain a child and demand that the mother perform parental functions. It is very good if the mother also has an acceptance of the child as a person and a desire to build friendly relations. Unfortunately, much more often there is an invasion of personal space and a desire to control the situation. 

Gratitude and respectNot everyone reaches this stage.

And it comes only when all the children's grievances have been worked out and released, and instead of them comes a full understanding and acceptance of oneself as a person. If at this stage the child is able to sincerely forgive the mother, she again becomes a close and dear person to him. At this moment, those very long and intimate conversations in the kitchen begin. 

If it is possible to reach this stage, communication between mother and child becomes an inexhaustible resource of mutual support and acceptance. Unfortunately, it is often impossible to achieve sincere gratitude and respect due to untreated childhood injuries.

Mother-daughter relationshipThe mother—daughter relationship is a complex kinship relationship.

Everything that the girl takes from her mother, she will apply in her adult life. 

Episode 1 — Relationship with a manIf a man appears in the life of an adult woman, and he does not suit her, this may be a consequence of the relationship between father and mother, which has developed in a certain way.

If the marriage is unhappy, the daughter writes exactly such erroneous and destructive patterns of behavior into her subconscious. 

It is very important how satisfied mom is with her relationship with dad or another man and life in general. If this has not been achieved, attention is often completely switched to the child. 

Episode 2 — Mom and GrandmaAnother example is the relationship of a mother with her mother, the grandmother of a child.

It is good when this relationship is based on mutual respect, trust, friendship and the principles of good neighborliness. In this case, the daughter will also try to behave in a similar way with her mother. 

If mom and grandma hate each other, can't talk normally for a few minutes, constantly gossip and behave toxic, the little girl considers this type of relationship building normal. 

Episode 3 — Self-realizationAnother strategically important moment in the psychology of mother—daughter relationships is self-realization.

The child looks at where he works, what the closest person does, what kind of lifestyle his mother leads. At the same time, the child's subconscious reads and remembers everything: the habit of running every morning, the installation to visit new places on every vacation, the interest in growing exotic fruits on the balcony, the advantages of working from home if mom does not go to the office, and so on.

Episode 4 — CaringIt is very important not to tell the child how to take care of himself, but to show it by his actions.

Therefore, it is good when mom in real life finds time to relax, visit a beauty salon, massage room and fitness club.  Do you want to raise a happy girl who regularly takes care of herself? Show me how to be exactly like this by your example. 

To build a friendly and trusting relationship with a child will help "Complete instructions for raising children up to 11 years old" from Dmitry Karpachev.Mother-son relationship

In the relationship of mother and son, it is also important to find a balance and not to overdo it.

It's normal when a little boy makes mistakes, climbs on the swing himself, takes off and puts on a hat. Therefore, overprotection should be reduced to a minimum, and positive reinforcement of independence and positivity, on the contrary, should be added as far as possible. 

Episode 1 is the Best, but…Give the boy the opportunity to make mistakes.

It is absolutely not recommended to do everything instead of it. Unfortunately, many mothers strive to do all the work they can for their son: tie their shoelaces, put on a hat and bring a spoon to their mouth in the literal sense of the word. The motive of these actions is to raise an ideal boy who will miraculously grow up to be an ideal man. Here, as they say, with good intentions…

Devoting all your time to a child to the detriment of your interests and desires is a dead end. 

Often the "best" men are demanding of women. Each chosen one can wait for a hard casting to match with her mother. And only if the lady also admires her beau, she will be allowed to be around. But more often there is no suitable companion, and our "boy" is left alone. 

Episode 2 — The Advance Game In the psychology of mother-son relationships, this moment is especially common in Eastern European countries

. We are talking about the case when the mother herself puts her son on a swing, takes him off, catches him during the descent from the slide in the yard and pulls off the hat a second before entering the room. Hurray! Mission accomplished — the evil world did not reach its paws to the little prince. 

The ideal picture will collapse in a few years, when overprotection will cause nervousness, as well as a distorted perception of the world. Most likely, such a child will have fear inside, and it will be uncomfortable and difficult to live independently, without the help of a mother. "Dangers" will lurk literally at every step. 

At best, the boy will grow up to be a stay-at-home. At worst, it will enter into an active confrontation with the world. The girl who will be around will most likely want the maximum distance from her mother. But it is unlikely to succeed, because it is almost impossible to break the mental umbilical cord that connects mother and son since childhood. 

Episode 3 — Zero Emotions Many of us have seen moms who bring up a "real man."

Such a woman decides to be tough on her son — the man is growing up, there is nothing to wind snot on his fist. 

In fact, the reason for this behavior lies in the fear of making a mistake. Somewhere beyond the limits, control, strictness hides that most priceless maternal love. But it is very difficult to feel it, so the boy grows up without parental warmth, is unsure of himself and believes that no one loves him at all. 

Over the years, the baby deprived of affection turns into a cynical man. Such a person is not able to create a harmonious family, because he has only seen it on TV or read it in books. A happy union is possible only with a strong, ambitious partner. It will help to discover the world and show all its colors. 

Episode 4 — Negativity Begets Negativity When a boy grows up under the supervision of a strict mother, in the depths of his soul, his son develops a wary attitude towards the female sex.

In the future, an adult man from such a family is reluctant to enter into a long-term relationship. Why these problems if there is a risk of running into a negative reaction from the girl? He had enough of his mother as a child. 

If such a person manages to find a companion, in a relationship with her, a man strives to become the complete opposite of his mother. Unfortunately, over time, negative emotions win out. 

The most important drawback of the son of a domineering mother is a tendency to aggression. It is difficult for such a person to control his emotions, and he considers such situations the norm.  

It is important not only to establish a relationship with his son, but also to properly raise and develop the boy. The article will help you with this: "Harmonious development and upbringing of a child". How can a mother build the right relationship with her daughter or son

Many parents know the proverb that a child is a guest in our house.

You need to meet him, feed him, learn him and let him go. But few people think about introducing this golden truth into life. 

Usually everything happens exactly the opposite: different prohibitions, duties and rules are imposed on the child, the real reason for which is the far—fetched fears of parents. And a harmonious relationship between mother and child is possible only if the mother perceives the daughter or son as a person, and at any age, starting from birth. 

Letting go of your child does not mean kicking your ass out of the house, as it is shown in recent Internet memes.

The true meaning of this concept is to help the child find his way and enjoy his independent movement forward. 

It is not forbidden to admire victories, to support them when they fall, too. Perhaps some part of the way will need to go together again, then to let go again, tactfully step aside, but at the same time remain a dear, close person. No one will ever take away from mom the right to remain the woman who gave life, loves her child and is there when both really need it.

Therefore, do not raise a child — educate yourself. Independently, or better with a psychologist, work out your childhood traumas and acquired complexes. Become a happy, self-confident woman who knows her shortcomings and understands which way to move in this life. Next to such a mother, the child will grow up to be a full-fledged and psychologically healthy person. 

Perhaps everything is fine with your relationship, and the child just has an age crisis. To be safe, read the article: "What you need to know about children's age crises."The images are taken from the sources: pixabay.com .