5 basic emotional needs of a person and how to close them

How does the satisfaction of a child's emotional needs affect his adult life? Did you know that a positive experience, expressed in support, care and love, allows you to form a healthy attitude to various events in general? But negative experiences can lead to consequences such as anxiety, depression, addiction. 

In this article we will tell you what emotional needs are, how to properly close them at any age.What are the emotional needs of a person

Emotional needs are closely related to scheme therapy, a direction in psychology that helps to identify and resolve psychological attitudes received in childhood.

A pattern or pattern of behavior is a stable belief in relation to oneself or other people, formed at an early age and fixed throughout adulthood.

The Institute of Education at the University of London in its 2015 report summarized the data of 30 years of research that show how adverse life experiences, especially in childhood, affect subsequent adulthood. 

There are 5 types of basic emotional needs that are most important for the formation of a healthy personality. We'll talk about them.

The need for acceptance, care and securityThe fundamental need for acceptance is perhaps the first one we need when coming into the light.

Fully satisfied during the first years of life, it allows us to feel whole, successful, forms the basis for self-confidence. It gives you the opportunity to feel like a part of society, to find a common language with loved ones and strangers, to receive verbal signals from others that you are significant and accepted.

The development of such attachment occurs approximately up to three years. If the first emotional experience was based on ignoring this need, then it will be very difficult for a person to imagine himself loved and meaningful, to accept the world around him as a safe place.

The need for autonomy, recognition of one's own achievementsThese needs teach us to make decisions independently, overcome difficulties, and feel like an independent person.

It is inherent in nature that the need for autonomy is brewing closer to the age of 3, when the baby is not yet independent enough, but shows maximum interest in everything new. This period is necessary for a smooth separation from adults, and those, in turn, should allow children to distance themselves, to show independence. 

To do this, it is not necessary to limit children's curiosity, the desire to do everything in their own way. If you do not allow the baby to show independence — in adulthood it will be difficult for him to realize his desires, set and achieve goals, rely on his own opinion.

The need to express your emotions Satisfaction of emotional needs through the free expression of your feelings allows you not to keep them in yourself, but to realize and let go.

This means that you allow yourself to fully feel both joy, love and delight, as well as anger, anger, irritation. 

For example, if a child is not allowed to cry or get angry in childhood, in the future he will only consider the emotions of others, ignoring his desires. Such an adult is unlikely to be able to determine his true hobbies, will not be able to realize himself in life.

Satisfying the need to express their emotions is not always easy for parents, so it is important to follow this algorithm: adults first allow the baby to fully express all their experiences, bad and good, then teach them to identify, and only after that — to cope with them. 

If you show love, but your child believes that he is not loved — it's time to establish proper communication with him. How to do this, see in our video: "The basic principle of communication that you should definitely know."The need for self-control

A mature person with closed basic emotional needs is able to learn how to satisfy their desires in adulthood so as not to violate other people's boundaries.

And this can be achieved if you respect the wishes of the child, but do not try to satisfy them momentarily. 

With age, the baby should understand that there is time for games, treats, and there is time for work. At the same time, adults will not indulge all his whims. 

The need for play, spontaneity and enjoymentIt is important for a child to show spontaneity, while finding support from adults.

Children need to come up with the rules of the game themselves, find something to do in any conditions, relying on the understanding of parents. 

A person with a closed need has an optimistic view of events, perceives everything new with interest. If she is not satisfied in childhood, she can often feel depressed, look at the world with pessimism.

If you are running out of strength, we advise you to read our article "What is female energy and where to get it".Satisfaction of the emotional needs of the child

The emotional needs of a child are more or less pronounced.

Someone needs more autonomy, someone needs attention, and someone needs praise. It is better to focus on the behavior of the baby, to close those desires that he translates. 

How to do this using the example of 5 basic emotional needs, we will tell you further: The need for security is provided if the child grows up in a stable, safe family environment.

1. Parents express physical and emotional accessibility, do not show aggression or indifference. The baby feels supported and the rhythm of his day is predictable: waking up, breakfast, games, sleep. The need for affection is met by a positive experience of parental love, understanding, respect and mentoring. 
2. The need for independence is manifested in the ability to think and act independently from parents. Of course, as the child grows up. This is achieved by safely exploring the world, taking responsibility for one's actions, and promoting one's identity. Parents do not unnecessarily take care of and do not force the baby to conform to their ideas, do not compare with other children.
3. The need to express emotions is closed by unconditional acceptance of the child's feelings. It is the responsibility of adults to teach the baby how to safely express and experience them for themselves and others. Containerization of feelings is the right of a child to come to you with any message and get support. This means that you can not scold and devalue the emotions of the child with phrases: "don't be afraid, it's not scary", "there would be something to cry about", "don't cry, you're a boy", "pull yourself together, rag".
4. The need for self-control is harmoniously closed if you do not make the baby the center of the universe. He comes to the family with an already established lifestyle and rhythm of life, so you should not indulge any of his whims. Keep a balance: if you can fulfill the request, help him. If your hands are busy, you do not have time or the baby requires something completely unexpected - calmly explain the reason for the refusal, do not succumb to manipulation.
5. The need for spontaneity is realized through the opportunity to play wherever and however you like, at your discretion and according to your own rules. It is important for parents not to ignore the desire to fool around. Prefer a free and exciting game to any violent teaching method.

Learn how to become a conscious parent in a free master class: "Complete instructions for raising children up to 11 years old."How to close the basic emotional needs of an adult

The way your parents took care of you will determine whether you can trust people, believe in yourself, whether you will become an independent and self-sufficient adult.

Your true nature manifests itself, as a rule, in the period of 3-6 years. Remember what hobbies you had, what you liked to do, what character traits dominated — these are your true desires. 

But if for some reason your needs were not taken into account or were not fully met, some of them remained at an undisclosed level. Most of us learn to think without relying on emotional needs. But it is their satisfaction that leads to true happiness.

How to close the basic emotional needs of a person:Trust your emotions — they are your ally, not your enemy.

1. By allowing yourself to feel, you begin to live fully. Track emotional leaps. If you have been holding back your feelings for a long time, then at first it will be quite difficult. Most likely, it will not be possible to identify all your negative attitudes from the first time. But a little practice will teach you to notice states when one phrase or action unsettles you.
2. Give yourself time to get used to this state — do not try to drown out emotions, switch attention. Find out how this event resonates with the past. Didn't ask for your opinion, were offended at you or never praised you?
3. Trace the relationship between your behavior in childhood and now. Accept the fact that your parents are people too, they may not have known or understood that it was important to you. Let them make mistakes.
4. Act consciously. Noticing negative attitudes, you will gradually move away from the children's scenario of their implementation. But be prepared that it will take enough time.
5. Don't be afraid to ask for help. These are children who sometimes tend to manipulate, and for adults to solve their questions, it is enough to train themselves to voice their needs without resorting to blackmail or threats. If you feel the need, seek help from a specialist psychologist.

A person lives in harmony with himself and the world only if his basic emotional needs are closed. Therefore, at any age, it is important to listen to your own inner interests, to help yourself become better and happier.

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