How to take a child away from the playground without tears and hysteria

"I'm not going," says the kid, whom his mother insistently asks to collect toys in the sandbox and go home. What causes confusion — you need to leave, but if you push, there will be another tantrum. 

In our article we will tell you why children react this way when returning from a walk and what to do if the child does not want to go home. Why is it so difficult to take the baby home without tears

If every visit to the playground ends in hysterics with tears and screams, then there is a reason for this.

Most often these are features of the child's psyche. 

The basis of the higher nervous activity of a person consists of two processes — excitation and inhibition. In children, this system is not yet mature enough:

✓ excitation processes prevail over inhibition processes;

positive conditioned reflexes are developed faster than inhibitory ones.

It turns out that the child does not want to go home because he is active, interested. Roughly speaking, he "accelerated", but he cannot stop quickly and fulfill his mother's request due to his physiology. 

Playing on the playground is a reinforcement for a positive reflex. You leave the house, go in the direction of the play area, the kid anticipates pleasure. And the brake reflex is responsible for the need to stop and return home: stop, calm down, go to mom and leave. The first is easy and pleasant. The second is difficult and undesirable. 

That is why children walk on the playground for several hours — until they finally run out of strength and ask for rest themselves. Their body makes up for the imbalance between the processes of arousal and inhibition of the psyche, forcing at least a little rest. 

Knowing this children's feature, you can regulate the activity of the child, adjust it to the family mode. There are several ways to do this, which we will discuss below. 

The child does not want to go home after a walk: what to doExperienced parents know how an ordinary walk can end.

Quarrels, insults, broken toys and even fights between children are not uncommon. In the article "Conflicts on playgrounds: how to behave to parents so that everyone stays alive" you will find tips for each of these situations. In the meantime, let's talk about ways to peacefully take the child home after a walk:

1. Remember the key phrase.
2. Consider the physiology.
3. Distract and interest.
4. Develop an individual approach.
5. Come up with a competition.
6. Form healthy habits.
7. Use an example.

Let's take a closer look at each of the points. 

Remember the key phrase

Keep in mind the key phrase "the processes of arousal prevail over the processes of inhibition" - it will help you not to get angry and upset if the child does not want to go home after a walk. You can't trample on physiology, so it's stupid to demand from a baby what he simply can't do. Arm yourself with this phrase to develop tactics. For example:

• be patient, because you will not be able to pull the baby out of the game in 2 minutes;
• calmly repeat: "We're going home" several times;
• show the child that you are ready: the toys are assembled, and you are standing at the exit of the playground.

These actions will trigger the braking mechanism, and the child will understand that whether you want it or not, you need to turn off the game.

Consider physiology

Performing the same actions for a long time, children quickly get tired physically. At the same time, the simultaneous impact of several stimuli (on the site it's screams, running around, new people) tires the psyche. And it turns out that the tired child is hysterical, but does not want to leave. At the same time, his attention is scattered, he does not perceive your requests. How to act in this case? 

Sit the baby on a bench so that he can rest. Distract with a quiet activity — consider a toy, eat a cookie or at least drink water. A pause will help to slightly reduce the influence of external stimuli and increase the concentration of attention on your words. And then tell him that a delicious lunch is waiting for him at home. He's tired, he needs to rest. 

Distract and interest

The child's behavior is controlled by separate areas of the cerebral cortex, which also regulate the activity of subcortical departments. And they are just responsible for vision, hearing, tactile reactions. 

Thus, it turns out that no matter how much the child is carried away by some occupation, an external factor that will react, for example, vision, will easily distract him. Only it should be really interesting. 

Therefore, if the child does not want to return home from the playground, do, tell or show him something that will surely interest him. Your task is to attract the attention of the baby as much as possible, and then interest him in what awaits him at home. 

Develop an individual approachPsychological characteristics of children in the first years of life are formed under the influence of many factors.

But most of them are innate. Therefore, in order to effectively negotiate with the child and reduce the number of protest tantrums, take a closer look at him. What is he like? Balanced or slow, curious or cautious? Play on these features to your advantage. 

For example, a very active child does not want to leave the playground — so give him a little more time to release energy. The logic kid needs an explanation of why you need to go home, and distract the sociable child with an interesting conversation.

Come up with a competitionRunning, riding a swing, messing around in the sand are exciting activities on the playground.

But going home can be no less interesting entertainment, especially if you are walking with not one child, but with two or more. Turn on your imagination and come up with the rules of the game: 

• whoever collects the toys first is the winner;
• who can run to the exit/gate is the fastest, etc.

If the child does not want to go home because he lost in a competition, turn this story into an instructive example: "Next time you will definitely win, but you need to be a little more agile and faster." So you will comfort him and motivate him to be active when leaving the site the next day.

Form healthy habitsRepeated repetition of the same actions creates conditioned reflexes.

They help regulate the behavior of children and make life much easier for parents. An effective method of instilling good habits is following the regime. If you have 2 hours for a walk, and then other activities, then sooner or later the child will get used to playing longer, you have to go home to have lunch, read, do something else on schedule.

Let us know how much time he has: "We are playing on the playground for another 10 minutes." If the kid is not yet oriented in the time frame, teach him: 10 minutes is a series of the cartoon "Masha and the Bear".

You can learn about how habits are formed in children, as well as a lot of other useful information about parenting from Dmitry Karpachev's online master class "What every parent should know".

Use an exampleThe example of others is another way to take a child away from the playground.

Surely there are a lot of children walking around with you. Pay attention to which of them is already going home. Tell your child: "Here the boy and his mother are already leaving, and we have to go. Let's go with them together." Even if you go the other way and the joint hike will last a minute, you will be able to take the baby outside the playground without shouting and tears. 

Mistakes of parentsAfter advice on what to do when a child does not want to leave the playground, it is worth considering the typical mistakes that parents make

. They repeat them from time to time, and then wonder why no walk is complete without tantrums.

So, what exactly is not worth doing:to be nervous, angry, show your annoyance and impatience — this is how you infect the baby with your negative emotions, and it will be more difficult to stop the tantrum;

• shouting, scolding, reproaching — public humiliation traumatizes children even when they themselves do not realize it. You show that a child can be treated in this way. And you tacitly allow him to do the same. For him, shouting will become a familiar manner of communication — both with relatives and with others. Read more about this in the article "Is it possible to yell at a child";
• threatening, blackmailing, manipulating — the phrases "I'll go home myself" or "you'll get into trouble at home" do not fit in with the concept of proper upbringing in any way. Do not use them so as not to destroy the child's trust in you;
• dragging a baby by force is physical aggression. Such measures can be applied only in the case of an immediate threat to the life and/or health of the child. In other situations, physical impact is unacceptable, even if the child does not want to go home from a walk, seriously raged and can not calm down in any way. Your task is to comfort him, distract him, hug him and explain why you need to go home.

Be patient and take care of your nerves — your own and your baby's. For more information on how to find a common language with him, you will find in Dmitry Karpachev's video "8 reasons why children do not hear their parents." 

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The essence of children's tantrums about the ended walk is the emotion of regret. The child does not want to leave the playground, because it is bitter and insulting for him to leave a place where there are games, friends, toys and swings. Even if your methods do not bring tangible results yet and the tears continue, do not give up. Let the baby experience and get used to this emotion, so that in the future it does not lead to such violent reactions. August 19, 2021 2022-11-26 2021-08-19 Rate the article on a 5-point scale Did you like the article?