A child bites in the garden, what to do: advice from a psychologist

"Your son bit several children in the group today! Take urgent measures!" — a kindergarten teacher greets you from the threshold. You look at your depressed, upset child and don't believe it. How is this possible? After all, at home he is an affectionate, good-natured kid… Your first desire is to justify yourself, scold your son or go on the attack on the teacher? Take your time. Let's figure out in order what to do if a child bites in the garden. 

Every bite has a reasonBiting is an external manifestation of a strong internal discomfort.

The child is ill, and he does not know any other ways to tell others about it. This behavior can be caused by various reasons:

1. Unhealthy family environment (quarrels, fights, conflicts between adults, as well as aggression directed directly at the child).
2. Excessive strictness, prohibitions and punishments for any trifle (and often the child himself does not understand why he is being punished). 
3. Inability to express your feelings in words.
4. Increased emotionality and hyperactivity of the child.
5. Lack of attention.
6. A feeling of anxiety, fear or stress associated with a change of environment (often manifested when adapting to kindergarten).
7. Fatigue and nervousness from a large crowd of people in one room.

Read also: The child does not want to learn: 10 ways to increase his craving for knowledgeWhat should parents do

If a child bites in kindergarten, then first of all you need to realize that there is a problem.

Do not wait until the child "outgrows" and everything will get better without your participation. The sooner you start taking action, the faster and easier the child will cope with the situation. We offer five simple steps that will help you overcome the "biting crisis".

Step 1. StudyObserve in which situations the child bites at home.

Does he bite family members or other children while playing together? At what moments does this happen? Perhaps the child does not behave this way with everyone? Is there a person whom a child does not bite under any circumstances? How are their relationships built? These observations will be very useful to you when determining the causes of "biting".

Step 2. Look for the reasonDepending on your observations, one or more reasons will be formed.

Let's say a child bites when:

• expresses negative (anger, resentment, irritation) or positive (joy, tenderness) emotions. It is not necessary to force the child to suppress such strong feelings. Teach him to express them correctly and innocuously. Show acceptable and acceptable ways to throw out energy. Is the kid angry? Let him stamp his feet, shout or hit the pillow. Does the child bite in a fit of tenderness? Kiss him, hug him back;
• he can't express his feelings in words. If the child is still small, teach him to express his needs and emotions with gestures. At the age of two, role-playing and story games come to the rescue. Simulate the game depending on the situation. For example, a toy was taken from a child, in response he bit the offender. Play this story and teach your child to say "No!" instead of biting. After a while, this model of behavior will be fixed in the baby's mind;
• perceives bites as an element of the game. Perhaps you are provoking him yourself? While swinging on a swing, catching up or playing "geese-swans", do you pretend to bite the handle or leg? The child very quickly adopts this behavior and transfers these elements into games with peers. Reconsider joint active games with the baby and do not bite him even as a joke;
• attracts the attention of adults. In this case, the baby will be glad of any attention, even punishment for bad behavior. Your task is to give him maximum warmth and tenderness. Tell him about your love. Play, read books, sculpt from plasticine, walk. And praise more often! The child should feel your care and love;
• getting used to the new environment in kindergarten. If the problem has manifested itself during adaptation, it is necessary to reduce the degree of psychological stress. Try to pick him up early to reduce the contact of the child with irritating factors. Provide him with a quiet pastime with his family. Arrange additional space for him at home: a quiet place where the baby can be alone if desired;
• takes an example from other children in kindergarten. Ask the caregivers if this is the case. Connect other parents and take up the collective re-education of "snapper".

Step 3. Help the baby to realize the reason"You were upset, so you bit me," "You were angry that Maxim didn't share toys with you."

When you start to say the problem out loud, the child himself begins to realize it. Explain to the baby exactly what he feels at the moment. Then he will learn to talk about his experiences himself, and the need for biting will disappear.

Step 4. Watch your reactionDo not smile, do not be touched and do not ignore if the child bites.

Cover his mouth with your hand, establish eye-to-eye contact and clearly, without aggression, say: "You can never do this with anyone." If the baby does not listen and tries to bite again, deprive him of eye contact. Do not pay attention and show that it is unpleasant for you to communicate with him now.

The next time a child tries to bite you, deliberately cry out in a loud and sharp voice or say: "It hurts me!". This has a good effect on impressionable children.

Step 5. Present a united front and be consistentIn case of aggressive actions on the part of the child, protect other family members.

For example, a boy bit his sister. Dad should say, "You can't bite my daughter!". The whole family and kindergarten teachers should adhere to a single line of behavior. It is unacceptable today to allow stomping and screaming instead of biting, and tomorrow to punish the child for the same. 

How can a caregiver helpThe teacher should understand that a small "snapper" is not an aggressor, but rather a hostage of the situation.

If a child bites in the garden, then the teacher should know what to do. 

Share your observations with the teacher. Recommend which method is right for your child, because no one knows him better than you. A wise teacher will definitely listen and go to the meeting. Here's how a caregiver can help to solve the problem as quickly as possible: 

✓Diversify gamesIf the child is prone to aggression, the teacher can arrange the most environmentally friendly way to release it.

For example, to provide the child with more motor activity or to allow shouting (as an option — to arrange a competition for squeaking, shouting or loud singing). 

✓Control the situationThe educator should monitor the behavior of the child and prevent conflict situations.

Usually the "snapper" chooses several children as victims. It is necessary to teach them to react correctly and not to let themselves be bitten. 

✓PraiseIn a situation when the kid was already going to bite his opponent out of habit, but he came to his senses in time.

The educator must emphasize what a good fellow he is, and show joy that the child did exactly that.

✓Telling fairy talesFairy tale therapy is a powerful and very accessible tool of influence.

Ask the caregiver to tell you about a boy, girl, or animal that no one wanted to be friends with because they bit. Using the example, it will be easier for the child to understand that it is unacceptable to express their feelings through aggression.

Methods that only get in the way"Bite him too, let him feel it!", "Give him on the lips so that he knows!" — admit it, you often hear such advice.

And in a state of panic and impotence, they are already ready to follow them. But such methods will not only not help, but will also greatly harm your child. 

Do not show retaliatory aggressionIf you punish a child in response to a bite, put him in a corner, slap his lips or bite yourself, then you are violating your own rules.

It turns out that in words you forbid the baby to show aggression, but in fact you allow it. Be an example for your child.

Don't focus on the problemDo not scold, do not read endless lectures, do not call the child offensive words.

The problem will not be solved from this, and the child will continue to bite you out of spite.

Do not force the child to suppress negative emotionsDriven deep inside, resentment or anger is fraught with other, more serious psychosomatic problems in the future.

There is no need to force the child to be restrained and comfortable, he also has the right to anger. Teach your child to live his emotions correctly.

Do not create an atmosphere of negativity around the childPublic punishments, moralizing and bullying will force the child to defend himself and defend his position in the children's collective.

As a result, the baby will start biting harder and more often, protesting.

Do not isolate the child as a punishmentThis method is unacceptable neither at home nor in kindergarten.

If the child is nervous or overexcited, take him to the next room, calm him down and talk. But don't lock him up alone! The kid should feel that you want to help him.

Distance the child from the habitThe kid has bitten someone again, and you are doing educational work.

It is important to emphasize that your child is good, but the habit of biting is bad and harmful. So he himself will want to get rid of her as soon as possible.

When you need to see a psychologistBiting at the age of three is quite frequent and common.

But at 4-5 years old, this is already a reason to think. If you have tried all the means, but could not rid the child of the habit of biting, a specialist's consultation is required. 

Go to an appointment with a psychologist if your child:

• bites often and hard, leaving tangible injuries;
• does not respond to adult comments;
• uses teeth as a means to achieve the goal by any means;
• shows cruelty to toys or animals;
• can't focus on one thing;
• he sleeps badly.

These signs indicate a strong psychological discomfort of the child. A competent specialist will tell you how to help the baby in this situation.

ConclusionIf a child bites in kindergarten, then it takes some time to get rid of a bad habit.

Be patient and remember: you will definitely cope with the problem if you act wisely and consistently.