What to do if your own child is annoying

One of the most frightening thoughts that comes to the mind of parents is that my child annoys me. Recognizing this fact, adults feel awkward, guilty. 

But is it worth being ashamed of your irritation? At what point and why does it occur, and how to deal with it? Let's figure it out. 

How does irritability appearIf we consider our body as an integral system, then it is obvious that its vital activity provides a complex of signals.

The skin surface temperature drops — we are cold, we need to get dressed. Hunger signals the need to take food. Drowsiness calls for rest. 

The signal system also includes emotions. We're scared — we need to run. We are sad — we need to cry. It's the same with irritation. This is a signal to satisfy a certain need:

• rest;
• to be alone;
• focus on the important thing.

If the need is ignored, irritation accumulates. Other emotions also join in — sadness, anger, aggression. So a wise body makes us understand that we need not to forget about ourselves and our interests. 

Irritation as a defensive reactionThe benefit of irritation also lies in the fact that it helps parents to bring up independence in a child.

If there was no such emotion, mom would have been sitting next to the baby and fulfilling all his requests. But usually people, besides taking care of children, have a lot of other things to do. And in order to pay attention to them, it is necessary to build boundaries between the desires of the child and the capabilities of the parents.

• "Let's go for a walk in the evening, I'm busy right now."
• "I'll read you a fairy tale when I wash the dishes."
• "Play by yourself, a friend came to me." 

Any restrictions begin with irritation: a 6-year-old does not make the bed, the mess wildly enrages her mother, she wants to teach the child to perform household duties. That is, the pattern looks like this: cause → irritation → finding a way out of the situation.Learn how to raise a child without stress, scandals and less irritated - at Dmitry Karpachev's free online master class "What every parent should know". 

Reserve of rigor and hardnessAnother useful property of irritation is the formation in adults of such qualities necessary for adequate parenting as rigor and firmness. 

No matter how much we love our children, sometimes we need to show some rigidity in order to issue instructions or set a framework for behavior. We can say that irritability does not allow our children to sit on our heads. 

Is it worth blaming yourself for irritationPeople's extremely low awareness of the nature of their emotions leads to the fact that parents (especially mothers) feel guilty for irritating their own child. 

But you shouldn't blame yourself, and here's why:

• Irritation is a marker that indicates that something is going wrong in your life, as you planned. 
• All people get annoyed sometimes.
• It is necessary not to reproach yourself for irritability, it is better to think about what was the reason.
• An effective way to get rid of guilt is to eliminate the cause of irritation.

Why children are sometimes annoyingOwn children, rodnulechki and krovinochki…

Is it normal? Psychologists are unanimous: yes, it's perfectly normal. Let's look at the reasons why children can annoy their parents:

1. Motherhood is not sugar. 

Dreams of a happy motherhood inspire: of course, our children will be the most beautiful, intelligent and obedient. We will spend a lot of time with them, but we will not forget about ourselves — there is a lot of free time in the decree. These fantasies are extremely painful to collapse as soon as a child is born. It turns out that there is no time or energy left for yourself. There is irritation due to disappointed hopes. 

2. Parental burnout. This is especially true for families with two or more children.

When everything happens for the first time, the novelty of sensations gives a certain charge of strength. And the second, third child, though no less loved, is more exhausting. Burnout occurs from both physical and emotional fatigue. The nervous system is already exhausted, and there is less and less strength left. Most often, the older child is annoying, but sometimes bumps fall on the younger one.

Also read: Stress is chronic: how to prevent, detect and defeat3. Gender imbalance. 

According to statistics, only 2% of fathers go on maternity leave, so the care of the baby mainly lies with the mother.

For the first months, she lives in groundhog day mode, experiencing acute discomfort due to the need to constantly be with the child. Dad goes to work in the morning, and in the evening he can afford a beer with friends. The inner protest of a woman takes the form of irritation, and not only the husband, but also an innocent newborn child falls under the distribution. 

4. Life turned upside down.Before pregnancy, the woman led an active, busy life.

And after giving birth, she is forced to sit in four walls and order diapers on the Internet. Such dramatic changes do not pass without a trace for the psyche. Irritation weakens when the decree ends: a child from 3-4 years old already goes to kindergarten steadily, and mom can go to work. 

5. Unjustified investments. Some people view their children as a kind of project to satisfy parental ambitions.

But sometimes investments of strength, nerves and money do not bring the expected result. The child grows up quite ordinary: he indulges, does not show special talents, does not give a reason to brag to his friends. The project has failed, there is disappointment, and then irritation. 

6. Inability to distribute attention between children. Women after childbirth may be irritated by the older child.

He does everything wrong — inappropriate and wrong. Ignores or, conversely, too actively shows interest in the baby. Loud when you need to sit quietly while the baby is sleeping. Incomprehensible when mom asks for something to bring. An irritable tone is gradually becoming the norm in dealing with an older child. 

Learn how to control your emotions and be less irritated while raising children - at Dmitry Karpachev's transplant-free online master class "What every parent should know".Right now, click on the "Register" button and get a gift.

7. Elektra Complex.

 Fighting for dad's attention, the daughter can unwittingly push mom into the background.

Such an attitude causes a woman bewilderment and even irritation: can an 8-year-old child do such a thing?

With sons, it's a little different: men see more flaws in them than in daughters. And they don't hesitate to remind you about it. In response to criticism, the boys protest: they behave badly, disrespect their father, which causes irritation.

8. The baby looks like a mother-in-law. Or her husband, or her not-so-beloved grandfather.

The bottom line is that children often copy behavior and are similar in appearance to those adults who do not cause positive emotions. This is also wildly infuriating because it is impossible to influence their similarity.

How to deal with irritation to your childThe action plan depends on the cause of the irritation.

Therefore, the first advice is to figure out what caused this emotion. To do this, mentally fix the cases when and what exactly annoys you. Don't be afraid to admit to yourself: "My child pisses me off." But this phrase should always be followed by an explanation "because...". 

If you have successfully passed the stages of awareness and acceptance of your irritability, stopped feeling guilty for it, move on to action. Enlist the help of your husband, parents or a nanny if the reason for irritation is a banal lack of time for yourself

1. . If there are no relatives nearby, the husband is busy at work, and there are no funds for a nanny, optimize your life. Read about the principles of time management of young mothers and the fly-lady system. Your task is to find time for rest and personal affairs. 
2. Discard far-fetched standards of beauty and criteria for the intellectual development of children. If your child is annoying not by his behavior, but by the way he is, then the problem is definitely not in him. 
3. Find an outlet that will help load your hands and unload your thoughts. Literally an hour of embroidery or drawing will help to distract and calm down.
4. According to research, 80% of women in labor face postpartum melancholy, when everything is annoying and nothing is interesting. That is, situations when your newborn baby is infuriating are not so rare. It is important not to plunge into this state and restore mental balance as soon as possible.
5. If you are irritated by an infant for a long time, consult a specialist. Perhaps the postpartum melancholy turned into depression. This condition lends itself well to therapy, but it is extremely dangerous for mom and baby if no measures are taken. 
6. At times when you are annoyed by everyone around you, including your own child, do not hesitate to ask for a time-out. This is literally an hour or two of personal time when no one from the household should disturb you. Take a bath, listen to music or just sleep — the mood will improve much.
7. If you snapped and yelled at the child, be sure to ask for forgiveness. Sincere repentance will help end your conflict in peace and will become a good example for your daughter or son: mistakes can and should be corrected. 

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Psychologists consider irritability not as a personality trait, but as evidence of internal discomfort. So, this emotion should not be attributed to the peculiarities of the character. If you get irritated too often, then this is not a reason to label yourself a rabid mom. It is better to conduct an audit of your life and change something. January 21, 2021 2022-11-27 2021-01-21 Rate the article on a 5-point scale Did you like the article?