Excess weight after childbirth: is it important for a man?

On average, a woman gains from 9 to 14 kilograms during pregnancy, depending on her complexion. In childbirth, you can lose at least 6 kilograms. The rest goes away within a year. With a normal diet and without much effort, a woman will lose weight by about 1 kg per month. 

If everything is so simple, why does almost every second mom complain that she did not just lose weight, but even recovered after giving birth? At the same time, self-awareness in a new status and in a new body is very painful. The husband does not stand aside either — he sees these metamorphoses, and is not always delighted with them. Let's look at the essence and causes of the problem of excess weight after childbirth, and how it affects the couple's relationship.Why do women recover after giving birth

The appearance of extra pounds during pregnancy is a normal and physiological phenomenon.

But weight gain after the birth of a child always has its own reason. Why do women recover after giving birth:An incorrectly chosen diet.

1. Some believe that it is necessary to eat only soup and bagels. Others "increase the fat content" of breast milk by washing down halva with condensed milk. Still others just eat a lot because they breastfeed.
2. Postpartum depression. This condition can both discourage appetite and provoke regular "zazhory" — compulsive overeating. 
3. The search for impressions of food, as the most accessible of pleasures. The everyday life of a young mother is of the same type, she is attached to the baby. And to eat something delicious is almost the only opportunity to please yourself. 
4. Physical inactivity. A woman spends hours pushing a stroller in the park, but at the same time she has greatly recovered after giving birth — is this possible? The fact is that the rest of the time she spends either sitting or lying down. At the same time, he eats tightly. Physical activity is not enough to create a calorie deficit. 
5. Hormone imbalance. If too much estrogen and prolactin are produced, a woman will "swell" even from water. Consultation with a gynecologist and a blood test for hormones will help to exclude or confirm the hormonal cause of weight gain.
6. Violation of metabolic processes. The slowing down of metabolism can be caused by a bunch of factors, one of them is the postpartum period. This is a natural mechanism of protecting the body from exhaustion during the maximum return of resources (pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding). It takes up to six months to restore metabolism.
7. An unbalanced diet. The child makes adjustments to the routine of the mother's life. Sometimes taking care of him takes up all her time, and you can only eat quietly late at night. But this is not the best time to eat.

Also read: How to cope with postpartum depressionHow men react to changes in women's appearance

According to research, about 50% of European men will be ready to break off a relationship with a partner who will gain a lot of weight.

Women are not so categorical — only 15% would show determination if their companion recovered. Why do extra pounds affect the relationship between people so much? Let's look at the arguments of men:Excess weight cannot be overlooked.

• This is the disadvantage that makes itself felt constantly, every minute. Accordingly, he accumulates irritation more strongly than, for example, forgetfulness or even snoring. 
• They break off relations not only and not so much because of the floating figure of the wife, but because of the lack of strong-willed qualities that help keep in shape. For example, if a woman is independent, charismatic, purposeful, then she herself will not allow her appearance to deteriorate.
• Men are skeptical about women's statements in the style of "I got fat because I have such genetics." Even if her relatives are inclined to be overweight, then knowing this, preventive measures can be taken.
• Bodypositive is a story that women came up with to justify their laziness and unwillingness to look beautiful. Fullness is a sign of ill health, weak willpower and even psychological problems. 
• Some women are obsessed with their weight. You might not notice an extra couple of kilograms if it weren't for the obsessive mention of this in any conversation, in any context. 
• Any hints from the husband that the wife has grown fat after childbirth are met with tears, insults and even depression. It's annoying, because she expresses her claims freely. 

The essence of these arguments boils down to the fact that changes in a woman's body do not pass without a trace either for her health, or for self-perception, or for relationships with a man. Even if the couple does not pronounce this problem out loud, so as not to inflame the situation and make each other sick. 

In this regard, a dilemma arises: what should I do — start struggling with excess weight or continue to lull myself with thoughts that he (man, husband) does not notice anything? 

The sexuality of a woman after childbirthThe appearance of a child changes the vector of the couple's relationship at different levels.

Both spiritual and sexual. Even if you do not take into account postpartum depression, the mood of a young mother changes several times a day, she can be depressed, sentimental. 

With a lack of self-control, the husband has to extinguish the flame of flaring resentments.

Therefore, almost all couples in the first months after the replenishment of the family relations are heated to the limit. And it's even good that, physiologically, a woman can't have sex yet. The break lasts approximately 40 days. But many young mothers instinctively postpone the moment of the first sex for several more weeks in order to finally recover physically and psychologically.

Checking the relationship for strengthIt seems that nature itself suits her.

And if we are talking about excess weight, then it is in the postpartum period that a man's eyes seem to open: "My girlfriend is fat!" — an unpleasant statement of the fact that the figure of his beloved is far from the former.

Physiology also operates on the principle of a fire extinguisher: the shock production of prolactin blocks sexual cravings for a man. But still, it will come to sex sooner or later. And then a new discovery — the wife is squeezed, confused, as if she is doing this for the first time. 

The reason is that she is shy of her body. Turns off the light, does not take off her nightgown, asks not to touch her stomach… At these moments, her only wish is for it to end as soon as possible. Now a man is affected not only by his wife's excess weight, but also by the complexes that he caused her. 

Find out how to involve your spouse more in parenting, as well as preserve and improve your relationship with him - at Dmitry Karpachev's transplant-free online master class "What every parent should know". Acceptance of yourself and your body

A woman complains to a friend: "My husband says I'm fat."

Indeed, it is not the most correct way to hint that it is time to take up the figure. A man needs to choose words, especially given the increased sensitivity of a young mother.

At the same time, the purpose of such a message is good, because the woman herself is interested in losing weight, first of all. But in order to let go of resentments and start acting, first you need to accept yourself. 

Fetshaming and standards of sexualityTolerance to all members of society is inherent in any civilized person

. Why are we still worried about not meeting the standards of attractiveness?

The massive attack in the media and social networks of images of subtle and "transparent" models has been replaced by an influx of stereotypical forms of a completely different kind — now relief bellies and bulging buttocks, generously flavored with "photoshop" and filters, are in fashion. 

Misconceptions are created: thinness = sexuality

pumped-up ass = sexy

silicone breasts = sexy

Against this background, fetshaming is flourishing. It costs some star or blogger to gain a couple of kilograms, as the headlines are full of hysterical messages: "The girl got fat, what's wrong with her?!". Women are more sensitive to this pressure, but men do not stay away either. They persistently broadcast the idea that being overweight is asexual, and an imperfect body cannot cause desire. 

Dull sex is not because of weightThe fact that a woman recovered after giving birth is an unpleasant fact, but not a huge problem and a reason to abuse her and insult her for it. 

Numerous studies confirm that sexuality does not depend on weight at all. Moreover, the presence of a fat layer on the female body means the normal functioning of the endocrine system (active production of estrogen, which is responsible for fertility). This means that such a woman is instinctively regarded by men as attractive, because she can get pregnant and give birth to his children. 

What prevents bright sex? Stiffness, complexes, nervousness that arise at the moment of intimacy. A woman with extra pounds does not feel beautiful, cannot give herself to a man the way she did before. A man does not have time to dig into the psychological underpinnings of her stiffness. He makes a conclusion based on what he sees: got better → less sex. 

To accept does not mean to acceptThe philosophy of body positivity calls us to love ourselves in any body.

And this is very correct. But many consider this approach an indulgence from all "sins" against their own body, appearance, and organism. Like, it's enough to declare yourself a body positivist and you can safely namin "Big Mac" at three o'clock in the morning. 

No one will argue that a lot of weight is unhealthy. It can provoke (or is a consequence of) a variety of diseases, starting with hormonal imbalance and ending with the accumulation of visceral fat, which worsens the blood supply to internal organs.

To accept yourself is to realize your problem, but with a reserve for its future solution. I got better, but I didn't become less beautiful;

• I am still confident, purposeful and hardworking;
• I attract my husband sexually;
• I love myself and my body and I will make it even better;
• I want to take care of my health, support it.

__________

These phrases can become affirmations on the way to accepting your body and yourself as a whole. If you stop shooting past the mirror like an arrow and finally stop, consider your new appearance and accept it — this will be the first step towards positive changes. On May 18, 2021, 2022-11-26, 2021-05-18 Rate the article on a 5-point scale Did you like the article?

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