Bad habits in children: how to deal with them

Cicero wrote that "habit is second nature." But it is hardly pleasant for parents to realize that bad habits can become part of their children's personality. Something has to be done about it. 

To begin with — to understand how useful and harmful habits are formed and what they mean for children. We will try to figure it out. Causes of bad habits 

The appearance of undesirable habits in children is associated with a lack of attention from adults.

If mom and dad are actively involved in the child's life, help him, introduce him to family activities, then he will not have time for any obscenities. 

Destructive behavior is an attempt to assert yourself. To attract attention at least this way, if it is not possible to get it in other ways. 

Also, the cause of bad habits can be mental and physical problems, boredom, nervous shocks, lack of education, a bad example. 

The negative influence of the company of peers is also a common cause of bad habits. Especially if the child has low self-esteem against the background of a high need for communication, the search for authority. Learn how to form an adequate self−esteem in a child so that he grows confident and thinks with his own head - at Dmitry Karpachev's free online master class "What every parent should know". Habit or undesirable behavior?

Parents should determine what is a habit and what is bad behavior or undesirable actions.

If you have noticed certain actions once (or 2-3 times) for a child, it is not yet a fact that they will grow into a habit. You can talk about it if the episodes are repeated regularly, become more frequent. 

For example, if a child has chewed his nails several times, it's too early to talk about a bad habit. Perhaps your comment explaining why it's unhygienic will be enough for him to stop doing it. But if, after such a conversation, the gnawing of the nail plate continues and is systematic, the habit has formed. 

Also note in which situations it escalates, and when it recedes, the child forgets about it. This will help you identify the provoking factor and eliminate it.

Types of bad habits of childrenThe most common bad habits in children and adolescents:

1. They bite their nails, pens, bite or suck a finger, chew parts of clothing or other objects. All these actions are signs of anxiety. Conducting his usual ritual, the child calms down a little, gets distracted. The prevalence of the habit is impressive: about 40% of children and adolescents. This indicator has been decreasing over the years. In adulthood, no more than 15% of people bite their nails and pencils.
2. They gossip. These bad habits are found in children of primary school age. They do not yet understand whether the other person is doing well or badly. But they intuitively feel that there is something unusual or wrong in his act. And inform adults about it. 
3. They love fast food and junk food. Instilling proper eating habits in children is one of the main tasks of parents. Therefore, do not lament, noting that the child refuses to eat porridge, but asks for fried potatoes. This is the result of parenting mistakes.
4. Rudeness, fights, aggression. Such actions can be evidence of both mental and behavioral disorders, as well as developmental delays, etc. However, it is not necessary to discard the habit factor. If an absolutely healthy (normotypic) child fights, perhaps he simply does not know how to solve conflicts in a different way.
5. Smoking, alcohol, drugs. These bad habits are typical for teenagers. Despite the ban on the free sale of alcoholic beverages and tobacco, as well as a complete ban on even light drugs, the situation with the use of these substances in our country is catastrophic. Informing teenagers about the harm of such habits for health brings a short-term and very weak effect. 

Fighting bad habits in childrenAny treatment begins with a diagnosis.

In the case of bad habits, this is the definition of their cause. You need to understand "where the legs grow from" in order to adjust your actions, make them more effective. 

After determining the cause and provoking factors, you need to take the following actions:to familiarize the child with the harm that his bad habit brings.

• Look for thematic videos, talk to a doctor or psychologist, a teacher or another competent person who is aware of the issue. Information about harm should be submitted unobtrusively, without pressure;
• to form an informed approach to your health when it comes to alcohol, smoking, etc. To tell and demonstrate that you can enjoy life and have friends without all this;
• to find authorities for a child not from the inner circle — it can be a coach in the sports section, an older friend. It is necessary that he evokes trust and is sufficiently convincing in a conversation on the topic of children's bad habits;
• to provide the child with positive emotions in order to switch his attention to something good, productive. For example, sign up for some interesting training, go to a children's camp, do charity work or become a volunteer;
• do not scold, do not humiliate, do not intimidate. Do not deprive support and understanding from your side. You should always remember that the worst position in the fight against bad habits is to oppose yourself to a child. You should be together, on one side of the river, and habit — on the other;
• demonstrate understanding and acceptance — forget about the phrases "if you don't stop doing this, then...". No manipulation and empty threats;
• work on self-control. To remove negative behaviors that the child could adopt from his environment (including from his parents);
• to disassemble the situation that causes nervous tension in a child/teenager "into bricks". It is there anyway, because bad habits often mean leaving something unpleasant, traumatic;
• take a course of art therapy or sand therapy. These techniques are suitable even for small children, but are interesting for all age categories. They help to look at the problem from a different angle, to express their worries;
• at the initial stages of the formation of a bad habit, it makes sense to punish the child. But in a gentle way: add household chores, limit gadgets/sweets. The measure is effective only when a bad habit is not a consequence of stress.

Also read: Choosing a hobby for a child: tips for parentsFeatures of the formation of useful habits

One of the most effective methods of preventing bad habits in adolescents and young children is the substitution of undesirable actions with desirable ones.

In fact, this is a habituation to healthy / useful activities. As they say, "choose the best, and habit will make it pleasant and easy" (Pythagoras). 

Psychologists believe that a person's living space will always be filled with something. And if not good habits, then bad ones.

For example, if a teenager does not play sports, he will surely find another way of spending time. And it may well turn out to be a bad company, with alcohol, cigarettes. 

The peculiarity of bad habits is that they arise by themselves — without effort on the part of the child or his parents. But useful habits are developed with difficulty. It is necessary to devote time, money, and spend emotional and physical strength. But if you enlist perseverance and patience, you can succeed. Moreover, it is much easier for children to change their way of life than for adults. They easily adapt to changes. 

And more. Surely you would like to have a couple of useful habits, like running in the morning or hardening with cold water. But it's one thing to start joining a healthy lifestyle in adulthood, and another thing is to do what you have been doing for many years in the parental family. And imagine how easy it will be for your children to maintain their healthy habits if you instill them in them right now. 

Substitution tactics: 7 tipsSo, what can you do to prevent bad habits in children:

1. Set a personal example. To show that healthy habits are cool, fun, healthy and healthy. 
2. Do not associate the desired actions with the upcoming discomfort. For example, not telling a child that it will be incredibly difficult to give up cigarettes. But you shouldn't lie about getting rid of tobacco addiction easily either.
3. Create positive associations with a new good habit. For example, if you decide to introduce your son to swimming, show photos of swimmers: what a beautiful and courageous figure they have.
4. Explain that instilling healthy habits for children is not a parental whim, but a reasonable desire to improve his life, health, intellectual abilities (depends on the type of activity). The explanation should be in an understandable language, taking into account the age of the child and his perception. 
5. Implement changes gradually. At the same time, limit yourself to one good habit. When it is formed, go to another one. Develop an action plan and do not deviate from it. Your consistency is the key to success. 
6. Do not stop making efforts to introduce good habits for children if they come across passivity, protest. It is better to postpone this task for a week or a month, find a different approach or motivation. But do not abandon the planned.
7. Praise the child for the efforts made, do not punish for a weak or zero result. It may be necessary to lower the requirements. For example, do not force to eat only healthy foods. And to introduce them into the diet gradually, thus displacing food hazards. 

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If you have difficulty choosing and forming healthy habits for teenagers or young children, contact a psychologist. The specialist will study the peculiarities of the child's psyche and perception, help outline the range of his interests, the level of motivation. This will help you to act accurately and achieve results faster. Good luck! July 9th, 2021 2022-11-26 2021-07-09 Rate the article on a 5-point scale Did you like the article?

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