They don't want to be friends with a child: what to do

"No one is friends with me" is a phrase that is unpleasant for any parent to hear. I want to see my child happy, fulfilled and successful, but how is this possible if he is constantly alone? This upsets and makes you look for some flaws in it. But the reason is not always on the surface.

Why they are not friends with the child and what parents should do to help him — we will tell you in our article.They don't want to be friends with a child: why

Let's start with the fact that problems of communication with peers periodically arise in all children.

Even if a child is sociable, he has many friends, this does not mean that he will not face betrayal, lies, meanness and self-interest. In children's groups, all this is especially acute, because children still do not know how to hide their emotions. Therefore, the first conclusion you can draw is that your child is not alone in his problems. Something similar probably happened to you as a child. 

But it's one thing to have problems with friends, and another when there are no friends at all. According to statistics, 25-30% of children aged 8 to 12 years feel lonely and useless to anyone. With age, this indicator decreases — already among teenagers it is 8.6%.

Let's look at several reasons why no one is friends with your child:shyness, low self-esteem;

• overprotection;
• inability to be friends;
• aggressiveness;
• unfounded leadership ambitions;
• character traits;
• unsuitable environment.

Shyness, low self-esteemThe ability to create friendships directly depends on the qualities of the child's personality.

If he is very shy, silent, does not know how to actively maintain a conversation, other children may shy away from him. And without malicious intent — they are simply not interested in being friends with such a person. Your position is important in this case:

• do not scold or criticize the child for being shy;
• do not blame the children who do not want to communicate with him;
• do not force the child to be friends by force — especially with those who are unpleasant to him;
• don't focus on shyness as a disadvantage. 

The formation of a healthy self-esteem of a child begins with respect for his opinion. Watch Dmitry Karpachev's video on "How to help a child form their own opinion".

OverprotectionIt happens that they do not want to be friends with a child in kindergarten or school because of excessive care for him from the family.

Mama's sons are not liked in children's groups. They are teased, called "babies", etc. Capricious and demanding girls are excluded from joint games, because they are used to mom and dad doing everything the way their beloved child wants. 

Inability to be friendsAnalyze what kind of example you set for your children — if you have a limited social circle, which mainly consists of relatives, then you will not be able to teach friends.

Also, the ability to make friends is developed in the process of socialization — in extracurricular activities, in sports sections, in summer camps, etc. A child who is constantly at home with his parents may not know how it is to be friends. 

Aggressiveness"What to do if they don't want to be friends with a child in the yard, at school or kindergarten?" parents ask anxiously.

Like, he's so good! But they are very surprised to find out the true reason. We tend to idealize people (and especially children) whom we love, so we may not notice their problematic behavior.

How can you be friends with someone who fights, breaks toys, cruelly trolls other children? To open your eyes and objectively look at your child is the first thing to do to sort out the problem of lack of friends. 

To understand how a child should behave in different situations, and how not to, the article "Rules of behavior in public places for children" will help.Unfounded leadership ambitions

Nurturing a leader in a child is a noble goal.

But many people misinterpret this concept. Being a leader means leading a team, rallying, inspiring. And in practice, leadership often manifests itself in the form of a desire to command other guys, dictate their opinions and rules of the game to them. And if they do not want to be friends with a child at school, because he imposes his leadership on them, it is necessary to correct his behavior. 

Character traitsThere are introverted children who avoid communication themselves.

Perhaps the absence of friends worries them much less than their parents. Also, character traits include tearfulness, possessiveness, envy, irritability, short temper — qualities that do not contribute to the formation of friendship and sympathy between children.

Unsuitable environmentIt is believed that the child should be sent to a good school — prestigious, with a decent "contingent".

Parents think that in this way the right environment will be formed, and the level of knowledge in such schools is usually higher than in ordinary ones. But among modern children there is a strong fixation on the material. 

If your child does not have such cool gadgets and fashionable clothes like the rest of his classmates, they can laugh at him, ignore him. Therefore, it is always important to correlate the capabilities of your family with the environment in which you place the child. It is better to choose an educational institution more modest, so as not to form complexes in the child. And to compensate for the academic gap with classes with a tutor.

Features of children's friendshipSo, you already understand that your child is not friends in kindergarten or school.

Quite possibly, you think it's unfair. But you can approach the problem objectively and solve it when you drop emotions. To begin with, check your ideas about friendship with information that is based on children's age psychology. 

Friendship in 2-3 yearsAt this age, the need for regular contacts with peers is low.

Therefore, if you notice that they do not want to play with the child on the playground, do not rush to get upset. Perhaps it's just that at the moment he himself is not interested in communicating with other kids. 

At the same time, the connection with the child's mother is still very strong, so if you pay your attention to other children (strangers), you can cause anxiety in your child. In the future, this may lead to the fact that he will regard peers as competitors.

Explain to the kid that if he does not want to share the toy, let him not share. Egocentrism and possessiveness in three—year-olds is the norm.

Friendship in 4-7 yearsAt this age, children have their first friends.

Relationships in the team are formed intensively and quickly. Children learn to share, treat each other, tell secrets and enjoy communication. Joint play is of great importance, as well as the assessment of another child — there is bragging, a desire to measure forces and skills.

The stage of self-affirmation ends by the age of 6-7. But if it has dragged on, then perhaps this is the reason why they do not want to be friends with the child. It's time to tell him that it's not nice to brag. 

Parents would do well to know what place their child occupies in the team. For example, older children in the family or children without siblings will strive for leadership. But whether they will take this position depends on many factors. Therefore, if you have this particular case, tell your child what it means to be a real leader, how to respect the feelings of other children, why it is necessary to show kindness to others.

Friendship in 8-12 yearsOn the threshold of adolescence, children already have their own idea of who they like, who they would like to make friends with

. As a rule, the choice falls on peers with similar interests. 

It happens that at school they do not want to be friends with a child, but at the sports section he easily makes friends, because they are connected by a common cause. Group sports actively contribute to the emergence of friendship, but in individual sports athletes often train together. 

Guided by the principle of community of interests, help the child to find friends in the process of joint games, trips on excursions, creative activities. Initiate a trip to nature with the whole class, stock up on equipment for games (balls, badminton rackets, frisbee) and arrange a real competition. 

Friendship at the age of 13-16A very dangerous age in terms of strength, durability and the format of friendly relations.

Teenagers are friends not all together, but in "flocks". Most likely, your daughter's or son's classmates have already split into groups, and it will be difficult to try to infiltrate one of them. Especially if a child has been studying in this class for a long time, and the fact that he has no friends has already become a familiar state of affairs. 

It may be worth changing schools to reboot the child's environment. In a new team, he will be able to start all over again and the chances of joining one of the companies will be higher. Direct intervention of parents in these processes is not necessary. You can provide invisible support, but do not look for friends for the child yourself. 

You can learn more about child age psychology at Dmitry Karpachev's free 3-day master class "What every parent should know".How to help a child make friends with peers

A few universal tips to help your child find friends and teach him to maintain friendly relations:

1. Psychological training.
2. Monitoring the cohesion of the children's team.
3. Rules of friendship. 
4. Active search for friends.

Let's take a closer look at each item.

Psychological trainingIf no one is friends with a child, this is an occasion to observe how he behaves among children.

Whether he gets into a corner or vice versa — he is active, suppresses, imposes his opinion. In any case, this information will help you to make an objective picture and outline a plan of action. 

There are many ways to teach a child to be friends. For example, game therapy. This is a simulation and discussion with the child of situations that may arise in the process of friendly communication.

Courses on the development of emotional intelligence will be useful. Sometimes you can't do without the help of a psychologist. You can help your child yourself by using manuals and books on age psychology and the development of emotional intelligence. 

If you have a timid, shy child, help him become more courageous and liberated. You will find tips in the article "Shy child: how to deal with it". Monitoring the cohesion of the children's team

Our children often behave differently in a team than at home.

And this is the main reason for the incorrect interpretation of the reasons why no one is friends with a child in the classroom. 

Talk to the teacher — he will tell you how things really are. Due to the experience and the ability to observe children without the intervention of parents, he can point out the shortcomings of your child, as well as suggest how to fix them. 

You can also involve a school psychologist who, with the help of psychological tests and diagnostic games, will monitor the cohesion of the children's team. This will help you to approach the problem comprehensively and enlist the support of other parents who are also interested in making their children comfortable in the classroom. 

Rules of friendshipPlay the dialogues with the child that happen with his peers.

Gently explain what mistakes he made. 

Tell us about the basic rules of friendship: mutual respect, consideration of interests, support and pleasant communication. Together, look for topics in which your child is well-versed and which may be of interest to his potential friends. Let him know his strengths — so he will be able to enter into a dialogue in time and interest other children with his knowledge. 

Active search for friendsAnother way to help a child make friends is to try to find children with similar interests.

But it only works for a certain age category — from 3 to 7 years. Older children already choose their own friends, so your intervention in this process should be minimal. 

It's a good idea to be friends with your friends' children.

Surely you meet regularly, celebrate some holidays together. Let the children train the skill of making friends in your company. This is a safe environment, so the child will be more liberated and will be able to express himself from the best side. 

Arrange gatherings at home, themed parties. Try to invite several children to them — from those with whom the child is not yet friends, but would like to make friends. 

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Do not let the problem of your child's lack of friends take its course. He will grow up without them, but the ability to create and maintain social connections will greatly help him in adulthood.

The images are taken from the sources: pexels.com , pixabay.com .

December 13, 2021 2022-11-26 2021-12-13 Rate the article on a 5-point scale Did you like the article? Share it on social networks