Why and how to teach your child to lose?

In one of his books, R. Kiyosaki wrote:"People lose because they are too afraid to lose." The fear of failure becomes an insurmountable wall separating a person from life's success. So if you want your child to be successful in the future, teach them to lose.

How do you and your child react to losing

The kindergarten hosts "fun starts". Your baby came running last, was genuinely upset and started crying desperately. You are confused, the baby is crying, the caregivers are hurriedly taking him aside.an unpleasant situation that you definitely don't want to shoot on video and show to relatives.

How do you feel

Watch not only the child at the moment of reaction to the loss, but also yourself. How do you feel:

• Do you feel sorry for the baby;
• It's a shame for his public tantrum;
• Are you outraged by the organization of the competition;
• You are outraged, because the child could have performed better.

All these reactions are counterproductive in nature and wrong in relation to the baby. He's fine, he's not hurt, Why do you feel sorry for him? Shame in front of the audience shows that you are too dependent on other people's opinions. Complaints to caregivers mean that you pass the responsibility for losing to other people. And it is generally unfair to be indignant in the direction of a child who tried, but could not win.

The correct reaction if a child cries is to take him aside, comfort him, and support him. To say that he was doing great, it's just that today the other guys were faster and more agile. But next time he will definitely succeed.

What the child feels

He is angry and annoyed, does not understand why his efforts were not enough to win. He is still small, so he does not know how to control his emotions, as adults do.

Such reactions can be explained by the immaturity of the child's psyche in the period from 3 to 5, and sometimes up to 6 years. At this time, children master their emotional world. The brain can not yet tell them the right behavior options in a particular situation, so the little person expresses his resentment as best he can.

All his reactions are sincere and come from the bottom of his heart, so you can't blame or scold him for this.

Reactions to the loss of older children

Younger students and teenagers are more reserved than toddlers, although sometimes they can find it difficult to cope with themselves. Is it any wonder if adults — with their upbringing and mature psyche-sometimes give out excessive reactions to losing:

• in the hearts of a discarded phone after a difficult conversation;
• hitting the door after a failed visit;
• obscene language;
• the desire to fill the experienced failure with alcohol;
• complaints about life and the injustice of the universe, etc.

We allow ourselves to vent our anger and annoyance, but at the same time we control their form of manifestation, their depth. Physiology helps us do this. If the mechanism of inhibition of mental reactions in adults was not fully formed, we would jump from roofs because of a leg crushed in a tram or a contract failed.

Children aged 6-14 experience the same emotions as adults for losing. But physiologically, they are somewhere in the middle between a three-year-old in tears and an adult slamming the door.

They understand that crying is already useless and somehow shameful, but they still do not know how to express their annoyance correctly. The task of parents is to teach them this.

The key to winning is the ability to lose

The ability to lose is directly related to the ability to win. After all, if a person knows how to accept defeat, it means that he has such qualities as perseverance, the ability to achieve goals.

Each of us faces setbacks, but not every setback is perceived as a fatal defeat and the end of the world. This should be explained to the child. Defeat is an invaluable experience that should inspire further action.

To form a child's correct attitude to losing, you need to reduce its importance, make sure that it is not more significant than the prospect of winning.

Why is this important?

• defeat indicates our mistakes;
• the ability to hold a punch helps to improve strong-willed qualities;
• the more small losses on the way to winning, the more desirable it is.

In adult life, a person who does not know how to lose becomes uninitiative, weak, and helpless. She is not able to resist adversity, to fight for a place in the sun. Such an employee will never reach career heights and will not be able to demonstrate their competitive advantages, even if they have significant ones.

How to teach your child to deal with losing correctly

Useful attitudes that parents instill in their children help them throughout their lives. And the right attitude to losing is one of the essential skills for a successful future. How can you help your child learn this?:

1.Don't compare your child's reaction to other children.

Do not set them as an example, do not be ashamed that your child reacted in his own way to unfortunate circumstances. The attitude to loss largely depends on the temperament given to a person at birth. She doesn't choose whether to be born phlegmatic or melancholic. And the reactions of people with these types of character are noticeably different.

A phlegmatic person will calmly accept failure, and a melancholic person will cry bitterly. A sanguine person will wave his hand, and a choleric person will go berserk.

2.Consider Your Age.

If a five — year-old is crying because of a loss, this is normal and expected. At the age of 9, such a reaction should tell you that something is wrong here — the child is emotionally unstable, you need to deal with the cause (overwork, stress).

A teenager can cry from an extremely traumatic situation. And if you don't think she is, you need to understand why what happened caused such an emotional response. Maybe you don't know something.

3.Don't shift responsibility to external factors.

Parents can sometimes blame teachers for their child's poor grades. This is not surprising, because they see how much time and effort it takes to study, but there is no result. But not always the root of the problem is a biased assessment. Perhaps your child needs your help or the services of a tutor to better get into the program and learn it better.

4. Do not protect from troubles, but teach them to cope with them.

The child runs around the apartment and is about to hit the sharp edge of the Cabinet. As a parent with experience, you can anticipate this and pick her up in time so that she doesn't fall. But it is much more useful to make sure that the child himself understands that it is dangerous to run near furniture.

You won't always be there for them, and you won't be able to pick up, support, or deflect the threat. It is necessary that the child learns to anticipate potential dangers and learn to avoid them.

5.Love the loser.

The most unfair position is when parents change their attitude to a failed child. It seems that they do not scold, but at the same time they are eliminated, show their disappointment. How much pain they cause with this attitude! After all, it's so insulting to lose and get judged by your loved ones.

And it should be the other way around. If your child has not improved, then he will have a double portion of your love and attention. For example, a defeat in a competition should not lead to a debriefing at home and, even worse, a penalty for insufficient diligence. This is an excuse to eat a huge portion of ice cream and watch a fun movie. Hugging mom and dad.

6. Don't force yourself to hold back your emotions.

Teach self — control, show by example-yes. But don't force it. If the child is so annoyed that he wants to cry — do not forbid him this, do not hesitate to show feelings.

You should not be concerned about your own comfort, but about how comfortable the baby is with you in moments of weakness. Be close to a handkerchief and delicious candy.

7. Let's feel the experience of frustration and draw conclusions.

Discuss what happened with your child and ask them a few questions:

• why did this happen;
• what could you do to avoid losing;
• what do you want to do now, etc.

If your child is unable to answer these questions due to their age, tell them acceptable answers. And together develop a plan of action to definitely win next time.

*****

It is absolutely not a shame to fight and lose. It is much worse to lose and give up or not fight at all, for fear of failure. If the child knows how to hold a punch and does not lose heart in case of loss — he is already a winner!