A person with excellent student syndrome always tries to meet the expectations of other people. His thoughts are concentrated around what others think about him, whether his actions approve of him. It is extremely painful to try to earn praise, to rethink every act from the perspective of another person.
In our article, we will take a detailed look at this problem in children and adults. And we will give advice on how to get rid of it. What is an excellent student complex?
Because many people confuse them. In a nutshell, a perfectionist is a person who strives for perfection for the sake of perfection itself. He doesn't care what others think about it. It is necessary to lay out T—shirts by color - it will lay out. It is necessary to leave the house at exactly 8:13, it will go out. Regardless of whether someone finds out about it, whether they will appreciate his efforts, whether they will praise…
It is not knowledge, skills, personal qualities and morality that come to the fore, but a positive assessment from the environment.
I eat right not to be healthy, but to be praised by my husband.
I went on an expensive vacation not because I want to relax in a cool country, but to show my friends how well I earn.
I take English courses to make my mom proud.
The excellent student's complex provokes a strong emotional reaction to the result, which did not meet expectations. That is, we also see an increased sensitivity to criticism. You can't say anything to such people except compliments. Otherwise, the author of criticism will turn into the worst enemy.
There is no adequate attitude to failures — even a minor oversight can cause painful emotional experiences. And some major failure drives you into depression.
Well, low self—esteem is a basic condition for the formation of the excellent student syndrome. A person who adequately evaluates himself cannot be painfully dependent on the opinions of other people. These are mutually exclusive concepts.Learn how to help your child form an adequate self-esteem and become self-confident - at Dmitry Karpachev's free online master class "What every parent should know". The debut of the syndrome
Probably that's why it was given such a name.
For children from the age of 6-7, study becomes the main activity and, accordingly, self-realization. All successes, achievements and reasons for pride are somehow associated with school and other types of education (sports, clubs).
The school system involves assessment, as well as approval from teachers. Accordingly, the external factor of evaluating the result of actions at school prevails: I got "excellent" — well done. However, not all children develop excellent student syndrome. Why?
According to research, there must be prerequisites for this — the characteristics of the child's character and even gender. As a rule, this syndrome is characteristic of girls. And in terms of personal qualities should be present:
The leading trend of the excellent student syndrome is orientation to a positive assessment from society, and not to the goal of actions. These people are "laudable maniacs." They are dependent on someone else's approval. Also read: Homeschooling — is it good or bad for a child?How is the excellent student syndrome formed in the family
Family is the second, and probably even more significant. It is in the family that children are exposed to the destructive influence of inexperienced, and sometimes frankly bad parents. It is close people who give the first unsuccessful experience, which then causes a number of psychological problems. Exactly:
Find out how not to harm a child and choose a method of education that suits him - at Dmitry Karpachev's transplant-free online master class "What every parent should know".Right now, click on the "Register" button and get a gift.
The excellent student complex in adults
Indeed, what claims can there be to a diligent and obedient child who pleases mom and dad?
But what we are so happy about, looking at children, causes irritation when evaluating the actions of an adult. Let's look at the examples:
✓ An employee with excellent student syndrome has a hard time perceiving the presence of smarter and more successful colleagues. His main goal is to earn a "candy" from his superiors. Do you like sycophants? Probably not. But these are typical carriers of the syndrome we are discussing.
✓ A young wife tries to be perfect in all areas — to keep up with everything, look beautiful, take care of her husband and child, and even not forget about part-time jobs and self-development. She craves admiration, praise from others. And if he doesn't get it, he gets genuinely upset. At the same time, she forgets that no one asked her to do all this.
✓ A mother or father with excellent student syndrome is a fear and horror for any child. A vivid illustration of such a life scenario is the families of teachers. It has long been proven that a good teacher and a good parent are not always compatible concepts. And more often the opposite. Because a person accustomed to external assessments will always prefer the tactic of "seeming" rather than "being".
Separately, I would like to note the difficulties of socialization of people with excellent student syndrome. They seem to be constantly competing with the environment. Do you have friends who are extremely important to show their superiority? For example:
— I bought such a delicious cake of the evening.
— Oh, we don't eat that. I baked a cake, that's a completely different thing!
***
— We will fly to Egypt by sea.
— Horror, it's so hot there. And here we are going to Berdyansk, an ideal place to relax.
It is uncomfortable to communicate with such people, because their desire to rise at least a little above the interlocutor is traced — at the expense of obvious or imaginary advantages.
In the first — recommendations for parents: what to do if you have already made a number of mistakes and the child has developed an excellent student complex. They can also be regarded as tips for prevention.
The second block is tips for adults with excellent student syndrome. Fighting it in adulthood is much more difficult, but nothing is impossible. Let's go!
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Against the background of the excellent student syndrome, mental problems such as emotional instability, anxiety, depression develop. Get rid of this unpleasant problem soon, because it is far from harmless. On April 23, 2021, 2022-11-27, 2021-04-23 Rate the article on a 5-point scale Did you like the article?
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