How to avoid emotional burnout: 14 tips for parents

Weekends and weekdays are similar to each other, are you tired and no longer enjoy what you do? Most likely, you are faced with emotional burnout — a disease of those whose work is associated with regular communication with other people, emotional empathy, great responsibility. 

Or maybe it's just that your profession is a parent, and the main boss is a child. You will not be able to go on a long vacation or even change your place of work. There is only one way out: try to prevent burnout. Read the article on how to recognize the insidious syndrome and how to deal with it correctly.

What is emotional burnout?Emotional burnout is the exhaustion of the nervous system.

It arises as a reaction to psychological stress, which accumulates and does not find a way out. As the disease develops, the mental state of a person worsens. The interest in life is replaced by indifference to oneself and one's activities, and later there is an obvious aggression towards other people.

Emotional burnout syndrome (CMEA) was first voiced by American psychiatrist Herbert Freudenberger in 1974. At first, it was diagnosed in workers whose professional activity is related to helping other people. These are teachers, doctors, nurses, rescuers and social workers. 

Read also: Educational games for children from 1 to 2 years: recommendations for parentsBut over time it became clear that emotional burnout overtakes not only professional assistants, but also parents.

They are also in a long-term relationship with a person who constantly requires increased attention and care. 

Parents often do not understand what is happening to them and attribute their condition to banal fatigue. But in fact, there are much more reasons for burnout. Let's look at them in more detail. 

Causes of emotional burnoutMothers suffer more from emotional burnout, because they are the ones who are with their children around the clock.

But burnout can also overtake other family members if they participate in the upbringing of a child on an equal basis with the mother. 

More often than others, CMEA is diagnosed in:parents of two or more children under the age of five;

• parents of a frequently ill child, as well as a child with a serious or incurable disease;
• the only parent in a single-parent family;
• people who themselves experienced psychological difficulties in childhood;
• perfectionists who strive to be perfect parents;
• mothers who live in multitasking mode: they go to work early from maternity leave, combine work at home with housekeeping and raising a child.

But even in full families with one healthy child, parents are not immune from the manifestation of burnout syndrome. There are certain risk factors that provoke it.

✓ Difficult situation in the family 

For example:

• parenthood became unplanned, and the family was not mentally ready for the birth of a child;
• there is no mutual understanding between husband and wife;
• there is no support from close people;
• not enough money;
• the housing issue has not been resolved;
• lack of sleep and stress.

The human psyche is in constant overstrain. And at some point, it simply ceases to cope with problems that are not solved, but are layered on top of each other.

✓ Lack of outside help 

While a woman is in a position, she is surrounded by love and care. But as soon as the child is born, she automatically goes into the category of "You're a mother!", and from that moment has no moral right to complain. It is believed that thanks to the maternal instinct, a woman should cope with all the difficulties of caring for a baby by herself. However, it often happens that during the whole day a young mother does not even have time to eat a plate of hot soup or just go to the shower.

✓ "The third extra" 

The reaction of parents to the same actions of the child differs depending on the presence of strangers. Parents are calmer about the whims of the baby when they are alone with him on their territory. But if a child behaves badly in public, they get more nervous. Stages and symptoms of emotional burnout

The main alarm bell of the approaching exhaustion of the nervous system may be a sleep disturbance.

In the morning, a person wakes up not rested, feels sluggish and sleepy during the day, and in the evening "comes to life" and cannot fall asleep for a long time. After that, he does not get enough sleep and gets up broken again.

If this symptom is ignored at the initial stage, the disease will begin to progress, and human behavior will change.

Burnout has three stagesAt the first stage — the sthenic, or "endurance stage", fatigue, irritation and anxiety occur.

A person is haunted by thoughts from the category "I'm a bad parent, I can't do anything." As a result, self-esteem drops, a person becomes fixated on his failures and ceases to see the good. 

The circle closes: children feel the emotional instability of the parent and begin to behave worse than usual, which provokes a response. At the same time, the parent tries with the last of his strength to pull himself together and cope with the situation. He does everything automatically, through force, loses interest in hobbies and familiar affairs. He loses the desire to communicate with relatives and friends. There is apathy and indifference to one's own child.

The second stage is asthenic, or the "stage of non—retention". Asthenia increases gradually: a woman can't cope with her feelings, cries for no reason, loses interest in sex and goes into "energy saving" mode. The need to do daily routine chores can cause a fit of hysteria. This stage is characterized by more serious symptoms: 

• violation of appetite (I don't want to eat at all or vice versa — I eat twice as much as the norm);
• sleep disturbance (I constantly want to sleep, but it is impossible to fall asleep because of heavy thoughts and oppressive feelings of guilt);
• poor health and weakness;
• frequent illnesses on the background of chronic fatigue, depression and lack of sleep.

At this stage, the parent realizes that he can no longer withstand the emotional load. He wants to give up everything to get rid of this oppressive state.

The third stage is the deformation of the personal character. At this stage, the human psyche includes a protective reaction in the form of aggression, which turns against the child and the closest people. Instead of loving and supporting the baby, the parent begins to control him excessively, humiliate him morally or physically. At the stage of deformation, it is impossible to do without the help of a qualified psychologist. 

How to overcome emotional burnout syndrome: psychologist's advice1. Interrupt the endless Groundhog Day

You need to understand that life doesn't end with pots and diapers, so:

• Set aside one hour a day just to read a book, watch an interesting movie or take a fragrant bath. Believe me, your loved ones will be able to do without you this time, and your husband will be able to participate in the upbringing of the child.
• If you can't rest every day, try to schedule 2-3 hours on the weekend and spend them interestingly, outside the house. You can go to the cinema, to the cosmetologist, to the gym or just go shopping. You have also been working all week and have the right to rest. 
• Find yourself an interesting hobby or hobby that will restore your internal resource. It can be any activity — from knitting to swimming. The main condition is that it should bring you pleasure. 
• Completely change the picture — go on a journey. It all depends on your desire and capabilities. A few days at sea, in the mountains or in the forest will allow you to take a break from the usual routine. A joint family vacation will unite and give new spiritual strength.

2. Learn to ask for helpAdmit to yourself internally that you need help, and allow yourself to ask for it.

Dad is the same participant in the educational process as you. Understand that your daily tasks of caring for a child and creating a cozy atmosphere at home are no less important than the work of a dad. 

Ask your husband or partner, grandparents for help. It means a lot if they buy and bring you groceries or medicines, take you by car to the hospital or take a walk on the street with a stroller while you cook dinner. Do not rush to try on a Superwoman mask and do not hesitate to ask for help from your loved ones. Many people from your environment will be happy to help you.

3. Admit your imperfectionVery often, young mothers are guided by a beautiful picture formed by marketers.

Well-groomed successful women manage to build a career, have sex with their husband and raise healthy and intelligent children. Against their background, an ordinary woman clearly loses. She will never be able to reach that shining peak, no matter how hard she tries. Hence there is a feeling of inferiority, dissatisfaction and disappointment with such a long-awaited parenthood, relationship with her husband and life in general.

In fact, there is no secret of perfection. Everyone makes mistakes. There are no perfect people. So let go of your perfectionism and try to accept your flaws. Do not blame, do not scold and do not compare yourself with others. Develop tolerance and self-love.

4. Organize a full sleep and nutritionSleep is the most important condition for well—being and fullness of vital energy.

Try to sleep at least seven hours at night. If it doesn't work out, go to bed for an hour and a half in the afternoon with your child. 

Watch your diet. Make it a rule to eat three times a day. In a state of constant stress, you can easily forget about it. Try to drink at least 1.5 liters of water during the day. Be sure to go out into the fresh air every day for at least half an hour.

5. Avoid multitaskingIf you combine a decree with work at home, make it a rule to clearly separate these areas of life.

When you spend time with your child, turn off all notifications on your phone, do not look into social networks every minute. When you need to focus on work, ask someone close to stay with the child. Try to organize your life so as not to accumulate and do diverse tasks at the same time.

6. Make a plan for every dayIt is very important that your day is structured.

The action plan gives you the opportunity to feel your needs and desires and understand what is important to you at this moment. This is a great way to fight laziness. If you have planned and done something, then self-esteem and self-confidence increases. You have prospects and plans, not just momentary responsibilities. Do not forget to cross out the things you have done.

7. Prioritize correctlyYou should be in the first place, because you are emotionally responsible for the whole family.

If you have a choice: to do household chores or to sleep an extra hour, choose sleep. Believe me, your family will be more pleased with a smiling mom and pasta for dinner than a tired bitch and a five-course lunch.

Postpone all minor matters and non-urgent meetings. It is not necessary to do wet cleaning or dust twice a day. Spend 30 minutes cooking and cleaning on weekdays and 2 hours on one of the weekends. 

10. Go in for sportsWith physical activity, the level of serotonin, the hormone of happiness, increases.

It saturates the body with energy and gives a surge of emotions that generate strength and desire to live and create. No need to spend 1.5-2 hours a day to visit the gym. Even 10 minutes of daily exercise will help you become more organized and active and improve your physical condition.

11. Find a supervisorIt should be a close person you trust.

He will be able to look from the outside and understand what emotional state you are in at a particular moment. Sometimes it's enough just to listen and give advice to make it easier for a person.

12. Don't expect gratitudeA lot of mental strength is spent on the expectation that children will justify the time, effort, nerves and money invested in them.

And if in the end you do not get a return from them, you may think that life has been lived in vain. Do what you think is important and necessary in relation to children. But don't insist on gratitude — it will help you avoid burnout.

13. Get rid of the guilt of pleasure for yourselfUse any free minute to fill up with vital energy and give it to your family.

If you have free time, spend it on recreation or hobbies. Remember: a person's energy resource is a vessel. If it is full, you can share your vitality, optimism and confidence with others. Your contribution to yourself is a contribution to the health, happiness and well—being of the whole family.

14. Contact specialistsLike any painful condition, emotional burnout is easier to prevent than to treat.

But if preventive measures do not help, go to an appointment with a neurologist. Perhaps your condition already requires medical treatment. You can support your nervous system with magnesium preparations, B vitamins or complex vitamins. It would be useful to seek help from a psychologist to find the causes of your depressed state.

*****

Fatigue from parenthood is a normal process. But don't miss the moment when fatigue begins to turn into burnout. Think about the last time you did something not for your husband, children or earnings, but for yourself? Have you bought yourself some nice trifle for a long time, brewed delicious coffee or met with friends? If you can't remember, then it's time to change something in your life.