How to teach a child to discipline

Parenting is not a problem if parents understand it as a way to teach a child to manage their emotions and behavior, develop a sense of responsibility, and build harmonious relationships with others. Discipline education plays an important role here. 

For many parents, discipline is associated only with punishments or restrictions. However, this is not a way to force a child to do what the parent wants by any means, it is a way to teach him to follow certain rules. And this requires different levers of influence: punishment or encouragement. How to teach a child to discipline gently, with love, without shouting, nerves and the risk of turning into a domestic tyrant — further in our article.Bad habit or undesirable behavior?

How to recognize and what to do, read the article: "Bad habits in children: how to deal with them."Discipline of children:

what is itDiscipline of children is a way to teach them to follow certain norms.

  This is not a whim of adults, but a guarantee of conflict-free relations with the child, his harmonious physical, emotional and mental development.

Unfortunately, many parents tend to let this process take its course, believing that life itself will put everything in its place. But a child who grew up in an atmosphere of moderate discipline knows how to allocate time, spend it on important things for life, and therefore will be much more successful than someone who was brought up in an atmosphere of denial of established norms and rules. Where children's discipline is lame, relationships with parents do not go well, communication with peers does not develop. 

The development of discipline in children should begin at a young age. Surely you have noticed that babies most often repeat the behavior of their parents. It is important to remember this pattern, because it also concerns education. Children look at their parents and behave similarly — kids really like to imitate adults. Here are some simple tips on how to teach a child to order and discipline at an early age:

More praise, less punishmentKids love to be praised.

When you encourage a child's behavior, he tries to please you even more. The best reward and motivation for the baby is hugs, smiles, interest in what the child is doing.

Reasonable expectationsEnergetic children do not perceive the remarks "wait", "quietly", "carefully", etc. Show by personal example, tell how to do it, consolidate new knowledge together.

So the child will understand how to behave.

Say "no" only when you really need toIt is necessary to establish the boundaries of acceptable behavior for a child.

If he can do everything, and no one punishes, the kid will be confused. You have to determine what will be most important to him. The fewer rules and the clearer they are, the faster the child will learn to follow them. 

Be persistentThreats and shouting will not give the desired result.

Kids quickly learn to ignore the prohibitions if you do not follow what is said. For example, you say that you will punish the child if he does not stop rocking on the chair, but nothing happens. The kid understands that your comments can be ignored in this case. It is important not to intimidate, but to explain, show by personal example, and be sure to be consistent and persistent in your actions. 

Learn to negotiate with the babyYou can't force a child to eat, sleep when you want.

But shouting and threatening obedience is also not achieved — you only provoke new conflicts. The ability to negotiate will help minimize quarrels with the child and establish relationships. 

Distract the child, switch his attentionSwitch the baby's attention from what does not need to be done to a more interesting, and most importantly, the right activity.

For example, if a child is constantly pressing buttons on the TV, give him another object with buttons, and whenever you watch TV together, distract attention from the buttons on it.

How to teach a child disciplineDiscipline is the key to a conflict—free relationship with a child.

But it does not come down to strict control and penalties for misconduct. The main goal of parents is to teach the baby to control his behavior. This can be achieved by setting clear boundaries and rules that the baby should follow, and parents should monitor their compliance. Moreover, the rules must always be followed, and they are the same for everyone. If you want your child to clean up toys, do not throw your things around the house. Follow the rules, be fair to the child and set a good example — this is the best way to bring up responsibility in him. 

You can find out about the balance in the upbringing of a child by watching Dmitry Karpachev's video: "Why do children need rules? Rules and punishments. How to raise a happy child?"The ability to control your behavior will be useful both in junior and school age.

It will help in studying, as well as in the transition period, when there are many temptations in front of teenagers. Being able to control himself, the child will easily give up all this.

How to teach a child to discipline? There are no uniform rules here, because a lot depends on age.  Kids up to three years old should be taught gently and unobtrusively, three—year—olds and preschoolers should be praised and encouraged, and schoolchildren and teenagers should be told about the causes and consequences. Each age has its own methods of discipline education. 

Up to three yearsKids up to three years old also need discipline, but in a mild form.

Give them the opportunity to expend irrepressible energy and clearly explain the rules that apply in your family. For example, you can not pull the cat's tail, take matches, press buttons on the washing machine, climb on the table — and other important "no". And it is better to remove away all dangerous and fragile objects.

3-5 years oldThree-year-olds and older better understand the instructions of their elders and can follow them.

In addition, they already have an understanding of cause-and-effect relationships. The main feature of age is to do everything in your own way. Therefore, it is necessary to point out the limitations, explain them. There are several ways to do this:

Emphasis on good or positive disciplineThe essence of the method is to focus on the good deeds and behavior of the child.

This is how adults show what they like and what actions they expect from the baby. And the child understands what needs to be done to be praised, approved of behavior.

Clear instructionsThe child does not yet understand how to behave in society, how to communicate with adults, with new acquaintances, what to say when meeting, how to behave in transport, etc.

  Parents should give him clear and understandable instructions. And it is better to show an example of good behavior. Teach the baby to say hello, say polite words, tell us in what situations it needs to be done. 

Discipline for a rewardWhile the child is small, you can set conditions for him or use punishments.

But it is better to focus on the positive, offering a certain reward for what you have done. Just do not reward the baby for any little thing, otherwise he will behave well only if there is a reward and in everyday life. How to avoid this? Explain that the rewards will not always be material. The reward can be praise, a kind word to him, verbal gratitude for help.

Peace of mind for the stubbornIf the child is stubborn, the method of positive discipline may not suit him.

But shouting, punishments will not help here either. Such children often throw a tantrum to show frustration and unwillingness to do what you ask them to do. Give him time to calm down, you can leave the child alone in his room — the familiar atmosphere will help to recover faster. And only after that, talk to him, tell him why it is impossible to behave in this way, point out what he did wrong. 

Why rules are needed, why it is important to observe them, read the article: "Rules of behavior in public places for children".6-7 years old

The child is already comparing the words of the parents and their actions, so pay close attention to what you say and whether the child repeats your actions.

Do not threaten punishments that you cannot fulfill.

Clear rules and boundariesSet simple and clear rules for the child.

He must understand what will happen if they are violated, the consequences of bad behavior. It is important that there are not too many rules — total restrictions will not lead to anything good. 

Tell us about the consequencesThe consequences should be such that they can be explained logically.

If the child does not want to do his homework, he will be banned from playing computer for one or two days. These consequences are not chosen by the parents, they are a consequence of the child's own bad behavior.  And he has to understand it and fix it.

Soft disciplineThe peculiarity of this technique is to distract the child from bad behavior by offering an alternative.

Does the child play computer games for a long time? Invite him to draw the game he played, portray the characters, or maybe create his own game. The kid is playing in a dangerous place, for example, in the kitchen, where you are cooking at this moment. Invite him to go to the room — it will be more convenient to play with cars, draw, and mom will not interfere.  At the same time, address him kindly, you do not need to order in a rude form, shout or use force.

Emotional coaching As a rule, if children cannot express their emotions, they begin to behave aggressively: bite, fight.

The method of emotional coaching helps to teach a child to express his emotions in words. The kid starts throwing things around because he wants to draw at the moment, and not clean up the room, calmly tell him that you understand why he behaves like this, and allow him to draw a little, and then take up cleaning.

9-12 years oldAt this age, the law of cause and effect works best.

If the lessons are done, you can go for a walk. If the housework is done, you can play computer games.  You can also use the following methods:

Learn from mistakesTell your child about the consequences of his behavior.

Of course, the consequences should correspond to the situation and age. For example, over the summer, the child lost his routine, he got used to going to bed later than usual and sleeping for a long time in the morning. Before school, you need to change your routine, and he doesn't want to do it. Let him go to bed later, it will be hard for him to wake up in the morning, he will want to sleep during the day. This condition will prevent you from focusing on your studies. Explain to the child that this happened because of his disobedience. 

There is always an alternativeIf you constantly refuse a child and do not offer anything in return, he may become stubborn.

And nothing can be explained here — you will stumble upon a protest from his side in the form of concrete actions. Suggest an alternative. If it is possible to choose from two options, either one will be correct. But you make it clear that there are only two of them. If the child refuses to choose, stand your ground, offering the same two options.

Learn how to raise a child without reproaches, scandals and tantrums at Dmitry Karpachev's 3-day webinar: "What every parent should know."13 years and older

Teenagers are not easily persuaded, and they will have a dozen more against your logical arguments.

Therefore, we recommend the following methods of discipline according to the age of the child.

Discussion and search for a common solutionTeenagers like to be treated like adults, but they don't like being told what to do and how to act.

If you see that the behavior of your son or daughter is clearly lame, do not provoke a conflict, but calmly discuss the situation and come up with a solution together. 

ConversationTeenagers like to make their own decisions and show their independence.

Again, we suggest not to quarrel, proving everyone right, but to sit down at the negotiating table and conclude an agreement.  So the stubborn man will make concessions faster. 

No advantagesThe deprivation of some right works perfectly as a punishment.

I returned home later than the appointed time — you don't walk with friends for two or three days. I stayed up late at the computer and didn't do my homework, the computer is banned for a week. A teenager should understand that restrictions are a consequence of his bad behavior.

And most importantly, discipline must necessarily be softened by parental love. Follow the rules calmly, be fair to your child, do not overstate the bar and be sure to set a good example. And you will definitely succeed in raising a responsible, self-sufficient, respectful and friendly person.The images are taken from the source: pixabay.com